unexpected love essay

Feb 20, 2023

250-500 Word Example Essays About Love and Romance

Got an Essay assignment about Love and Romance? Let us help you out with these inspiring Examples!

Love, an emotion that has captivated the hearts and minds of poets, authors, and artists throughout history, remains a profound and multi-faceted subject. While the depth and complexity of this emotion can make it a daunting topic to explore in an essay, the right resources can turn this challenge into a rewarding endeavor. For those looking to capture the essence of love and romance in their writing, our essay writer can be a beacon of inspiration and assistance. This tool, powered by Jenni.ai, offers a seamless journey through the essay-writing process, from brainstorming ideas to refining the final draft. 

Whether you're delving into argumentative, persuasive , or reflective essays about love, Jenni.ai ensures clarity, coherence, and a touch of elegance in your prose. It's a trusted companion for students, educators, and seasoned writers alike, simplifying the writing journey every step of the way.

1. The Evolution of Love: A Study of the Changing Nature of Romance throughout History

Introduction.

Love is one of humanity's most complicated and mysterious emotions. People have strived to comprehend and define Love throughout history, resulting in many works of literature, art, and music dedicated to the subject. Despite its universal appeal, the nature of Love has evolved significantly throughout time, reflecting evolving cultural, social, and economic situations. In this essay, we will look at the evolution of Love, from ancient times to the present.

Ancient Love

A. Greek and Roman Love

Love was viewed as a complex and varied feeling in ancient Greece and Rome, comprising characteristics of desire, friendship, and awe. Love was frequently represented as a tremendous force in ancient civilizations, capable of both propelling individuals to high heights of success and bringing them down into the depths of sorrow. This was especially true of romantic Love, which was glorified in epic poems like the Iliad and Odyssey , as well as works of art and literature depicting the hardships and sufferings of star-crossed lovers.

B. Medieval Love

A chivalric code known as courtly Love emerged in medieval Europe. Its core tenants were the importance of Love, honour, and devotion. During this time, romantic Love was typically portrayed as an unrequited emotion, with the lover pining for the affections of a faraway and unreachable beloved. Medieval poets and troubadours mirrored this romanticised picture of Love in their works by singing and writing about the highs and lows of passionate Love.

Modern Love

A. The Renaissance

The idealized picture of Love that had ruled for centuries was called into question by artists and intellectuals during the Renaissance, marking a turning point in the development of romantic relationships. During this time, romantic Love was portrayed as more tactile and visceral. Shakespeare, for instance, reflected the shifting beliefs of his day by exploring the nuanced and often tragic nature of Love in his works.

B. The Enlightenment

The concepts of reason and individuality began to gain root during the Enlightenment, and with that came a shift in how people saw Love. Political marriages and alliances were often formed based on Love, which was now considered a more sensible and practical feeling. Thinkers from the Enlightenment period, including Voltaire and Jean-Jacques Rousseau, shared this perspective on Love as a tool for bettering society and the individual.

C. The Modern Era

Today, the word "love" is most often used to describe a feeling one has when they are in a committed relationship or when one has achieved their own goals. Love has become a consumable good thanks to the spread of consumerism and the worship of the individual. The media and arts reflect this conception of Love by depicting it as a means to one's fulfillment and contentment.

The changing cultural, social, and economic conditions of each historical epoch are reflected in the history of Love. The essence of Love has changed dramatically throughout the years, from its idealised image in ancient Greece and Rome to its depiction as a spiritual tie in mediaeval Europe to its current identification with romantic relationships and personal fulfilment. Despite these changes, Love remains a strong and enduring force in human existence, inspiring numerous works of art, literature, and music and affecting how we live and interact with one another.

2. The Power of Love: Examining the Impact of Love on Our Lives and Relationships

Love is a strong feeling that may dramatically alter our life and the bonds we form with others. love, whether romantic, familial, or platonic, can unite us and improve our lives in countless ways., the benefits of love.

A. Improved Physical Health

Love has been demonstrated to improve physical health by decreasing stress, lowering blood pressure, and increasing immunity. The hormone oxytocin, which is released in response to social bonding and has been demonstrated to reduce physiological responses to stress, is thought to be at play here.

B. Enhanced Mental Health

In addition to its physical benefits, Love has been shown to have a beneficial effect on our mental health, lowering stress and anxiety levels and boosting our general sense of happiness. The protective powers of Love against the negative consequences of stress and other difficulties in life are well accepted.

C. Strengthened Relationships

A stronger tie may be formed between two people via the power of Love. Relationships of all kinds, whether romantic, familial, or platonic, may benefit from the strengthening effects of Love by increasing their levels of closeness, trust, and mutual understanding.

The Challenges of Love

A. Love can be painful

Sometimes Love hurts, as when a relationship ends or when we can't find the one we're looking for. One of life's most trying events is losing someone we care about, which may leave us feeling isolated, discouraged, and empty.

The Power of Love to Overcome Challenges

Despite these difficulties, Love may help us overcome them and grow closer to one another. The strength of Love is that it may help us learn and grow, both as people and as a community, via its many forms, such as forgiveness, compromise, and the willingness to persevere through adversity.

Finally, Love is a strong and transformational force that may profoundly influence our lives and relationships. Love may provide us joy, comfort, and a feeling of purpose, whether between friends, family, or romantic partners. Despite its numerous advantages, Love may also bring with it difficulties such as heartbreak and strife. Nonetheless, never underestimate the power of Love. 

It has the potential to draw people together and form deep, long-lasting bonds. Love has the power to make the world a better place, whether through acts of kindness, selflessness, or simply being there for one another. So, let us embrace Love in all of its manifestations and harness its potential to improve our lives and the lives of those around us.

3. The Science of Love: Understanding the Biology and Psychology Behind Love and Attraction

For millennia, people have been drawn and intrigued by the intricate and intriguing feeling of Love. Despite its enormous global significance, the science of Love is now being thoroughly investigated. This paper will investigate the biology and psychology of Love and attraction, delving into the different elements that impact these powerful emotions and how they form our relationships.

The Biology of Love

A. Hormone Function

Love is a biological process controlled by chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. These hormones influence our sensations of attraction, enthusiasm, and enjoyment and boost sentiments of trust and closeness.

B. The Influence of Genetics

Genetics also has an impact on Love and attraction, with some personality qualities and physical characteristics that are considered to be appealing to potential spouses being handed down from generation to generation. This suggests that particular preferences for specific sorts of people are hardwired into our genetics, influencing our romantic and sexual attraction patterns.

The Psychology of Love

A. The Role of Attachment Styles

Our attachment types, which we acquire from our early connections with our caretakers, also affect our Love. These attachment types can significantly influence our later relationships, influencing how we build and keep deep attachments with others.

B. The Impact of Social Norms and Values

Cultural Values

Social conventions and cultural ideas also impact Love and attraction, with societal expectations and values impacting our romantic and sexual impulses. These social conventions and cultural ideas influence everything from who we are attracted to and how we approach and pursue relationships.

The Meeting of Biology and

Love Psychology

The biology and psychology of Love are inextricably linked and interdependent, with one having a complicated and subtle impact on the other. This suggests that, while biology influences our sentiments of attraction and Love, our psychological experiences and beliefs may equally shape these emotions.

To summarise, love science is a complicated and intriguing discipline that encompasses the biology and psychology of this strong and transformational emotion. By investigating the elements that impact Love and attraction, we may gain a deeper understanding of the systems that underpin these feelings and how they shape our lives and relationships. The study of Love is a vital and beneficial effort, whether we seek Love, attempt to preserve Love, or wonder about the science underlying this feeling.

4. The Fine Line Between Love and Obsession: Exploring the Dark Side of Love

Love is a powerful and transformative emotion that can bring immense joy and fulfilment to our lives. But Love can also turn dark and dangerous when it crosses the line into obsession. This essay will examine the fine line between Love and obsession, exploring how Love can become unhealthy and dangerous.

The Characteristics of Obsessive Love

A. Unhealthy Attachment

Obsessive Love is characterized by an unhealthy attachment to another person, with the obsessed person becoming overly dependent on their partner for emotional fulfilment. This can lead to feelings of possessiveness and jealousy, as well as a need for constant attention and validation.

B. Control and Manipulation

Obsessive Love can also involve control and manipulation, with the obsessed person trying to control every aspect of their partner's life and behaviour. This can range from minor acts of manipulation, such as trying to dictate what their partner wears or who they spend time with, to more serious forms of control, such as physical abuse or stalking.

The Dark Side of Love

A. Stalking and Harassment

The dark side of Love can take many forms, with stalking and harassment being among the most extreme and dangerous forms of obsessive behaviour. Stalking and harassment can have serious and long-lasting consequences for the victim, causing fear, stress, and trauma that can impact their mental and physical well-being.

B. Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is another form of the dark side of Love, with physical, sexual, and psychological abuse being used as a means of control and domination. Domestic violence can have devastating consequences for the victim, often leading to serious injury or even death.

The Roots of Obsessive Love

A. Psychological Issues

Obsessive Love can have its roots in psychological issues, including depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. These conditions can lead to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem, making it difficult for individuals to form healthy relationships.

B. Cultural and Social Factors

Cultural and social factors can also play a role in the development of obsessive Love, with certain societal beliefs and norms promoting possessiveness and control in relationships. This can include gender roles, expectations, and cultural beliefs about Love and relationships.

In conclusion, the fine line between Love and obsession is delicate and dangerous, with Love crossing over into unhealthy and dangerous territory when it becomes obsessive. By understanding the characteristics of obsessive Love and how it can take dark and dangerous forms, we can better protect ourselves and our loved ones from the negative consequences of this powerful emotion.

5. The Concept of Unconditional Love: An Analysis of the Ideal of Selfless Love

All kinds of different things count as Love since it's such a complicated and diverse feeling. Unconditional Love is frequently depicted as altruistic, all-encompassing, and unshakable, making it one of the most romanticized types. In this essay, I'd discuss the idea of unconditional Love, defining it and contrasting it with other types of affection.

An Explanation of Selfless Love

A. Selfless Love

The term "unconditional love" is commonly used to describe a type of Love that puts the other person's needs before its own. In this kind of Love, one person cares for another without any thought of return or compensation.

B. Love that encompasses everything

Many people use the term "all-encompassing" to express how unconditional Love embraces a person regardless of who they are or what they've done in their lives. A love like this doesn't depend on the other person changing or improving in any way; rather, it's an unconditional embrace of the person as they are.

The Ideal of Unconditional Love

A. Love Without Conditions

Unconditional Love is a romantic ideal in which the lover places no restrictions on the object of his affection. Since it involves so much giving of oneself, this kind of Love is typically held up as the pinnacle of romantic relationships.

B. Putting the Feeling into Action

However, since we are all flawed human beings, practising unconditional Love can be challenging in daily life. Although this may be the case, the ideal of unconditional Love is still significant since it motivates us to improve our Love and compassion towards others.

The Advantages of Unconditional Love

A. Stronger Connections

Unconditional Love has the potential to improve our connections with others, leading to deeper and more meaningful bonds. This kind of Love creates a non-judgmental and welcoming attitude towards people, which can assist to lessen conflict and improve understanding.

B. More Joy and Satisfaction

As a result of the more profound relationships it fosters, unconditional Love may also increase a person's sense of well-being and contentment. Finding Love like this may give our life new meaning and make us feel whole.

In conclusion, many of us hold unconditional Love as a relationship goal. Even if it's not always possible, the ideal of unconditional Love is worthwhile since it motivates us to increase our Love and compassion. The concept of unconditional Love may lead us to a more meaningful and happy lifestyle, whether our goal is to better our relationships or to find more pleasure and contentment in general.

6. The Importance of Communication in Love Relationships: A Study of the Role of Communication in Maintaining Love

Love relationships, like all others, benefit greatly from open lines of communication between partners. Connecting with one another on a regular basis, whether it's to chat about the day, express emotions, or problem-solve, is crucial to keeping the Love alive between you. This essay will discuss the significance of communication in romantic relationships, specifically how it helps couples stay together and grow closer over time.

Advantages of good communication

Increased Compatibility and Mutual Understanding

Love partnerships benefit significantly from open lines of communication that facilitate mutual understanding and closeness. Sharing our innermost ideas, emotions, and experiences with our partners via direct and honest communication strengthens our bonds with them.

Reduced Conflict

As we can better address difficulties and find positive solutions to differences when communicating effectively, we experience less conflict in our relationships. Relationships may be stronger and more loving by talking through differences and finding common ground.

The Difficulties in Expressing Your Feelings in a Romantic Relationship

A. Confusing Messages and Confused Intents

Good communication can sometimes be difficult, especially in romantic partnerships, despite its many advantages. Conflict, anger and a lack of trust may all result from poor communication and misunderstandings in relationships.

B. Vulnerability and Emotional Safety

Likewise, it takes courage and trust to open up and talk about your feelings with the person you love. It may be nerve-wracking to communicate our innermost thoughts and feelings with a partner because of the risk of being judged harshly or rejected.

The Importance of Active Listening

What is Active Listening?

Maintaining positive connections with others requires not just good talkers but also good listeners. Paying close attention to the other person as they speak and making an effort to get their viewpoint and requirements is an essential component of active listening.

The Benefits of Active Listening

The ability to listen attentively and process information can have a significant influence on interpersonal bonds. You may show your spouse how much you value their opinion and the commitment you have to the relationship by listening attentively to what they have to say.

Finally, it's important to note that communication is a cornerstone of successful, loving partnerships. Communication is crucial for developing and maintaining healthy relationships , whether it is via problem-solving, venting, or just listening. Your relationship may grow stronger and become more rewarding and loving if you put an emphasis on communicating well with one another.

Final Words

Love is a complicated and varied theme that has inspired numerous works of art, literature, and music. Whether it is the science of Love, the power of Love, or the development of Love, there is a great deal to learn and comprehend about this universal feeling. 

Students now have access to a potent tool that may assist them in writing essays about Love with ease and assurance thanks to Jenni.ai. From giving ideas and recommendations to leading you through the writing process, Jenni.ai is the ideal option for anyone who wants to write about Love and relationships. Why then wait? Sign up for a free trial of Jenni.ai today and explore its numerous writing perks!

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Interesting Ideas For Writing An Essay About Unexpected Love

One of the more common themes you might see in a creative or narrative writing class is that of unexpected love. There are a number of different approaches you can take, but it’s first a good idea to settle on an interesting idea to write about. This can be tricky business for some students, so we’ve created this list of topics for an essay on unexpected love you might want to use for your assignment:

• Write an essay on an unexpected love you may have experienced towards a specific academic subject that you had otherwise expressed no interest in earlier in your life? For instance, there aren’t many students who like math in elementary, but will pursue it professionally.
• What are the biological causes and effects of experiencing unexpected love towards another human being? What are the common responses felt in humans when love occurs and what does it say about the evolutionary process?
• Should love be measured? If so, how does one measure unexpected love without prior experience of this distinct form of love? Do you think the measurement or classification of different forms of love is inherently unreliable?
• Are there any differences between the concepts of true love an unexpected love? Have you experienced either and can you provide supporting evidence on your thoughts about the differences or similarities if any?
• Can unexpected love ruin relationships – either with family member, friends, or a significant other? What if the unexpected love is not romantic but powerful enough to take away one’s attention or dedication with existing relationships?
• How do the accepted psychological theories of love affect the way people experience unexpected love? Is unexpected love a different type of strong, emotional affection that it needs to be classified as its own distinct part?
• Examine the ways unexpected love has been explored in ancient literature? Do you think the people of the time were aware of the distinction of unexpected love versus true love? What are some of the best known examples?
• How did the French philosophers of the late 19th century describe the concept of unexpected love? And what did they say about the way it is either a beneficial or a burden for people to experience it at one point or another?
• What is the power of love in terms of how it builds relationships? Is unexpected love a strong force in creating bonds? Or are true love and unexpected love on the same spectrum but only differ in the slightest ways?
• What would the world’s proponents of global peace say about unexpected love and its importance in human history? Is unexpected love only a distraction towards achieving world peace?

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A Crush Can Teach You a Lot About Yourself

There’s no harm in fantasies, even if you know they’ll never come true.

A handful of years ago, some friends and I were all in the midst of a romantic drought. It had been so long since we’d felt excited about anyone that we started to worry that the problem was with us . Had we simply grown incapable of that kind of feeling? We imagined that our jaded little hearts might look like peach pits, shriveled and hard.

This was the era, though, when we started using the phrase glimmer of hope . Glimmers came whenever we felt a giddy kick of affection—maybe for a friend of a friend, or the bartender at our favorite place, or the pottery-class buddy at the next wheel over. The hope was that these crushes—which were rarely communicated to their subjects—signaled that our hearts might someday soften up and become, once again, hospitable to life. Anytime we glimpsed a light at the end of our tunnel of romantic numbness, we’d text one another: Glimmer of hope!!!!

These glimmers helped us power through the seemingly endless tundra of uneventful singlehood. Whether they were reciprocated wasn’t really the point. It was about the feeling: the sweet, hopeful rush.

Crushes sometimes garner suspicion. They can seem adolescent; their one-sidedness can appear a little sad, even creepy. For people in a monogamous relationship, having one can feel like a crisis, or a threat to their partner. The truth, though, is that an unrequited crush is not always unhealthy or unfair to its object. And sometimes, it serves a purpose entirely separate from the actual pursuit of a romantic relationship.

F or millennia, unrequited crushes have been a staple of fable, literature, and poetry. Greek mythology is full of them: Take the story of Echo, the nymph who, spurned by Narcissus, fled into the forest and faded away until all that was left was her voice. (Narcissus was punished by developing an unending crush on his own reflection, which could never love him back.) The early-Renaissance poet Petrarch wrote more than 300 sonnets about a woman named Laura whom he’d supposedly glimpsed in a church service—but never actually knew. Goethe’s 1774 novel, The Sorrows of Young Werther , about a man desperately pining for a married woman, became the first German international best seller and went on to inspire a generation of Romantic writers.

Many of these kinds of yearning admirers throughout history and myth were portrayed as noble, their suffering dignified. But their stories haven’t necessarily aged well. The passion sometimes feels dark and out of control, often verging on abusive to its target. And some of the most famous unrequited lovers—Petrarch; Werther; Quasimodo, from The Hunchback of Notre Dame ; Orsino, from Twelfth Night— are men putting women on an impossible pedestal; their affection has understandably become associated with an “objectifying male gaze,” Sara Protasi, a philosopher at the University of Puget Sound, told me. It’s “notoriously a way of not taking women seriously and not engaging with them as equals, as human beings with a will, with a desire,” she said.

Read: Love is magic—and also hormones

Even when they’re obviously not sinister, crushes are sometimes seen as a bit … pathetic. Pilar Lopez-Cantero, a philosopher at Tilburg University, in the Netherlands, believes that because our society places such high value on requited love, “there is some sense that you are not worthy if you cannot get the people you love to love you back.” A crush, unspoken or unreturned, “seems to be falling short” of the ideal, she told me.

But the shame associated with crushes is strange, considering they’re a very common part of the human experience. In their 1992 book, Breaking Hearts: The Two Sides of Unrequited Love , the researchers Roy Baumeister and Sara R. Wotman reported that when they surveyed 21-year-old college students, they found that the average subject felt unrequited love a little more than once a year, with a “powerful experience” every five years and “moderately strong” as well as casual crushes in between. In another study with nearly 100 participants, only about 2 percent said they’d never been on either side of a one-way affection. If an unrequited crush is uniformly an experience of anguish, that’s a pretty sad statistic.

The experts I spoke with, though, didn’t think of crushes that way. For the most part, they backed up the core theory behind my friend group’s “glimmers of hope”: that feeling strongly for someone can make you feel more alive. And that is, in fact, usually a good thing, rather than an unbearable source of torture or a gateway to maniacal infatuation.

C arl Pickhardt, a psychologist and the author of Surviving Your Child’s Adolescence , told me that crushes can be a thrilling “romantic awakening” for adolescents. “You’re trying to figure out: What is this thing called romance? What is this thing called love? ” he said. A crush, however unrequited, can “open the door to romantic caring”—to understanding how such love could feel, how it might be different from friendship. When you start to experience some of those big feelings yourself, it’s scary and wonderful and “hugely empowering.” That thrill doesn’t necessarily go away as we get older.

The heady buzz of a new crush hits in adulthood too, and not just for single people. In a recent study of monogamous partners , Lucia O’Sullivan, a psychologist at the University of New Brunswick, in Canada, found that about 80 percent of subjects reported having had a crush on someone other than their partner at some point in their relationship—and about 60 percent reported having a current crush.

Although having feelings for someone else could be seen as a threat to your relationship, O’Sullivan found that the large majority of her subjects didn’t expect their crushes to ever replace their current partner. Remarkably, having a crush wasn’t linked to any real difference in relationship satisfaction or commitment. But she’s observed that subjects tend to describe crushes as fun and exciting, an extra twinkle of intrigue in their day. Far from causing misery, crushes can actually increase self-esteem ; O’Sullivan told me that a crush can be a “soul boost.”

Crushes can also teach you a lot about yourself. Pickhardt told me that adolescents develop them as a way to formulate what attributes they value in others and what that says about their own identity. The same can be true for adults: Fantasizing about a crush is an exercise of the imagination. “It gives you an opportunity to step out of your present,” Lopez-Cantero told me. She compared it to a good book, which transports you and “disrupts your everyday thinking.” Suddenly you might be envisioning yourself, however playfully, living out a future you’d never considered, dreaming up sides of yourself that haven’t yet been expressed.

Of course, you don’t want to fall so deeply into your dream that you can’t pull yourself back out. Crushes can grow into excessive infatuation, and when they do, they can cloud reality. Baumeister and his colleagues found that when people have feelings for someone who doesn’t return them, they can end up clinging to any vaguely positive signals, hoping for some reciprocation even after being rejected. And the unrequited lover isn’t the only one who suffers in these scenarios; the subject of their desire tends to feel frustrated, guilty, and even distressed.

But that point doesn’t have to be reached. You might just need to do a little crush management, as I’ve come to think of it. O’Sullivan compared it to drinking: It’s good to keep paying attention to how you’re feeling, to not let yourself go too far. She’s studied the strategies that people in monogamous relationships use to rein in their crushes, and found that the most successful ones include redirecting attention to their partner and focusing on what they don’t like about the other person. Single people, I’d surmise, could probably check themselves in a similar way, by investing in other areas of their life that bring them joy—and paying attention to their crush’s imperfections.

At the same time, a crush is beautiful because it’s a little unrealistic, because you see the very best in someone even when they’re flawed. One might argue that even a casual crush is a bit selfish—a way to project positive qualities onto someone, and to get the glowy excitement that comes with that, without really seeing them in all of their difficult complexity. But Lopez-Cantero pointed out, “There is projection in all human relationships.” You’re always seeking to understand someone through the biased lens of your own mind, never totally getting the full picture. We tend to see partiality as the enemy of reason, but being partial to someone—believing in their unique worth, despite their shortcomings—is essentially what love is.

Unexpressed crushes are special, too, because they don’t require anything in return. Protasi, the University of Puget Sound philosopher, told me that few types of human relationships are like this, so free from expectation of love repaid. The closest approximation, she said, might be a parent’s love for their infant child, too young to show affection. But even then, the love is based on the relationship—the fact of them being your baby—rather than on admiration for who they are.

That’s not to say a crush is selfless; after all, you stand to gain a lot from having one. But a crush that goes nowhere can still be a pleasure unto itself. It’s a luxuriously inefficient experience, which is rare in today’s goal-oriented dating world. On dating apps, potential suitors are easily on demand, in huge quantities. People generally swipe in order to meet up, and they meet up in hopes of getting whatever it is they’re looking for, whether a onetime fling or a life partner.

Read: The five years that changed dating

There’s something to be said for yearning. Protasi told me that that’s true, to some degree, in relationships as well: Brief moments when the other person feels just out of reach, mysterious or distant in some way, keep partners longing for each other, and make it more meaningful when loving attention or presence is returned. You never really get to a place of perfect harmony and complete understanding—and, if Protasi is right that “desire is about lack,” perhaps you wouldn’t want to. To arrive there would be a “kind of death,” she said.

A crush is a powerful little vial of that pure feeling—the longing, the push and pull. In his poem “The More Loving One,” W. H. Auden compared unrequited love to looking up at the stars, observing their beauty while knowing full well they “do not give a damn.” But he wasn’t mad about it; he saw that that’s how it should be, and anyway, he was more appreciative than obsessed. “Were all stars to disappear or die,” he wrote, “I should learn to look at an empty sky.” He was right: You don’t need to lose sleep staring up at the cosmos all night. But it’s always nice to see a glimmer in the dark.

Essays About Love: 20 Intriguing Ideas for Students

Love can make a fascinating essay topic, but sometimes finding the perfect topic idea is challenging. Here are 20 of the best essays about love .

Writers have often explored the subject of love and what it means throughout history. In his book Essays in Love , Alain de Botton creates an in-depth  essay on what love looks like, exploring a fictional couple’s relationship while highlighting many facts about love. This book shows how much there is to say about love as it beautifully merges non-fiction with fiction work.

The New York Times  published an entire column dedicated to essays on modern love, and many prize-winning reporters often contribute to the collection. With so many published works available, the subject of love has much to be explored.

If you are going to write an essay about love and its effects, you will need a winning topic idea. Here are the top 20 topic ideas for essays about love . These topics will give you plenty to think about and explore as you take a stab at the subject that has stumped philosophers, writers , and poets since the dawn of time.

For help with your essays, check out our round-up of the best essay checkers .

1. Outline the Definition of Love

2. describe your favorite love story, 3. what true love looks like, 4. discuss how human beings are hard-wired for love, 5. explore the different types of love, 6. determine the true meaning of love, 7. discuss the power of love, 8. do soul mates exist, 9. determine if all relationships should experience a break-up, 10. does love at first sight exist, 11. explore love between parents and children, 12. discuss the disadvantages of love, 13. ask if love is blind, 14. discuss the chemical changes that love causes, 15. outline the ethics of love, 16. the inevitability of heartbreak, 17. the role of love in a particular genre of literature, 18. is love freeing or oppressing, 19. does love make people do foolish things, 20. explore the theme of love from your favorite book or movie.

Defining love may not be as easy as you think. While it seems simple, love is an abstract concept with multiple potential meanings. Exploring these meanings and then creating your own definition of love can make an engaging essay topic.

To do this, first, consider the various conventional definitions of love. Then, compare and contrast them until you come up with your own definition of love.

One essay about love you could tackle is describing and analyzing a favorite love story. This story could be from a fiction tale or real life. It could even be your love story.

As you analyze and explain the love story, talk about the highs and lows of love. Showcase the hard and great parts of this love story, then end the essay by talking about what real love looks like (outside the flowers and chocolates).

This essay will explore what true love looks like. With this essay idea, you could contrast true love with the romantic love often shown in movies. This contrast would help the reader see how true love looks in real life.

An essay about what true love looks like could allow you to explore this kind of love in many different facets. It would allow you to discuss whether or not someone is, in fact, in true love. You could demonstrate why saying “I love you” is not enough through the essay .

There seems to be something ingrained in human nature to seek love. This fact could make an interesting essay on love and its meaning, allowing you to explore why this might be and how it plays out in human relationships.

Because humans seem to gravitate toward committed relationships, you could argue that we are hard-wired for love. But, again, this is an essay option that has room for growth as you develop your thoughts.

There are many different types of love. For example, while you can have romantic love between a couple, you may also have family love among family members and love between friends. Each of these types of love has a different expression, which could lend itself well to an interesting essay topic.

Writing an essay that compares and contrasts the different types of love would allow you to delve more deeply into the concept of love and what makes up a loving relationship.

What does love mean? This question is not as easy to answer as you might think. However, this essay topic could give you quite a bit of room to develop your ideas about love.

While exploring this essay topic, you may discover that love means different things to different people. For some, love is about how someone makes another person feel. To others, it is about actions performed. By exploring this in an essay , you can attempt to define love for your readers.

What can love make people do? This question could lend itself well to an essay topic. The power of love is quite intense, and it can make people do things they never thought they could or would do.

With this love essay , you could look at historical examples of love, fiction stories about love relationships, or your own life story and what love had the power to do. Then, at the end of your  essay , you can determine how powerful love is.

The idea of a soul mate is someone who you are destined to be with and love above all others. This essay topic would allow you to explore whether or not each individual has a soul mate.

If you determine that they do, you could further discuss how you would identify that soul mate. How can you tell when you have found “the one” right for you? Expanding on this idea could create a very interesting and unique essay .

Break-ups seem inevitable, and strong relationships often come back together afterward. Yet are break-ups truly inevitable? Or are they necessary to create a strong bond? This idea could turn into a fascinating  essay topic if you look at both sides of the argument.

On the one hand, you could argue that the break-up experience shows you whether or not your relationship can weather difficult times. On the other hand, you could argue that breaking up damages the trust you’re working to build. Regardless of your conclusion, you can build a solid essay off of this topic idea.

Love, at first sight is a common theme in romance stories, but is it possible? Explore this idea in your essay . You will likely find that love, at first sight, is nothing more than infatuation, not genuine love.

Yet you may discover that sometimes, love, at first sight, does happen. So, determine in your essay how you can differentiate between love and infatuation if it happens to you. Then, conclude with your take on love at first sight and if you think it is possible.

The love between a parent and child is much different than the love between a pair of lovers. This type of love is one-sided, with care and self-sacrifice on the parent’s side. However, the child’s love is often unconditional.

Exploring this dynamic, especially when contrasting parental love with romantic love, provides a compelling essay topic. You would have the opportunity to define this type of love and explore what it looks like in day-to-day life.

Most people want to fall in love and enjoy a loving relationship, but does love have a downside? In an essay , you can explore the disadvantages of love and show how even one of life’s greatest gifts is not without its challenges.

This essay would require you to dig deep and find the potential downsides of love. However, if you give it a little thought, you should be able to discuss several. Finally, end the essay by telling the reader whether or not love is worth it despite the many challenges.

Love is blind is a popular phrase that indicates love allows someone not to see another person’s faults. But is love blind, or is it simply a metaphor that indicates the ability to overlook issues when love is at the helm.

If you think more deeply about this quote, you will probably determine that love is not blind. Rather, love for someone can overshadow their character flaws and shortcomings. When love is strong, these things fall by the wayside. Discuss this in your essay , and draw your own conclusion to decide if love is blind.

When someone falls in love, their body feels specific hormonal and chemical changes. These changes make it easier to want to spend time with the person. Yet they can be fascinating to study, and you could ask whether or not love is just chemical reactions or something more.

Grab a science book or two and see if you can explore these physiological changes from love. From the additional sweating to the flushing of the face, you will find quite a few chemical changes that happen when someone is in love.

Love feels like a positive emotion that does not have many ethical concerns, but this is not true. Several ethical questions come from the world of love. Exploring these would make for an interesting and thoughtful essay .

For example, you could discuss if it is ethically acceptable to love an object or even oneself or love other people. You could discuss if it is appropriate to enter into a physical relationship if there is no love present or if love needs to come first. There are many questions to explore with this love essay .

If you choose to love someone, is heartbreak inevitable? This question could create a lengthy essay . However, some would argue that it is because either your object of affection will eventually leave you through a break-up or death.

Yet do these actions have to cause heartbreak, or are they simply part of the process? Again, this question lends itself well to an essay because it has many aspects and opinions to explore.

Literature is full of stories of love. You could choose a genre, like mythology or science fiction, and explore the role of love in that particular genre. With this essay topic, you may find many instances where love is a vital central theme of the work.

Keep in mind that in some genres, like myths, love becomes a driving force in the plot, while in others, like historical fiction, it may simply be a background part of the story. Therefore, the type of literature you choose for this essay would significantly impact the way your essay develops.

Most people want to fall in love, but is love freeing or oppressing? The answer may depend on who your loved ones are. Love should free individuals to authentically be who they are, not tie them into something they are not.

Yet there is a side of love that can be viewed as oppressive, deepening on your viewpoint. For example, you should stay committed to just that individual when you are in a committed relationship with someone else. Is this freeing or oppressive? Gather opinions through research and compare the answers for a compelling essay .

You can easily find stories of people that did foolish things for love. These stories could translate into interesting and engaging essays. You could conclude the answer to whether or not love makes people do foolish things.

Your answer will depend on your research, but chances are you will find that, yes, love makes people foolish at times. Then you could use your essay to discuss whether or not it is still reasonable to think that falling in love is a good thing, although it makes people act foolishly at times.

Most fiction works have love in them in some way. This may not be romantic love, but you will likely find characters who love something or someone.

Use that fact to create an essay . Pick your favorite story, either through film or written works, and explore what love looks like in that work. Discuss the character development, storyline, and themes and show how love is used to create compelling storylines.

If you are interested in learning more, check out our essay writing tips !

Before You Write a Love Essay, Read This to Get Examples

The day will come when you can’t escape the fate of all students: You will have to write a what is love essay.

No worries:

Here you’ll find tons of love essay topics and examples. No time to read everything? Scroll down to get a free PDF with original samples.

Definition: Essay on Love

First, let’s define what is love essay?

The most common topics are:

• Definition of love
• What is love?
• Meaning of love

Why limit yourself to these hackneyed, general themes? Below, I’ll show how to make your paper on love original yet relevant to the prompt you get from teachers.

Love Essay Topics: 20 Ideas to Choose for Your Paper

Your essay on love and relationship doesn’t have to be super official and unemotional. It’s ok to share reflections and personal opinions when writing about romance.

Often, students get a general task to write an essay on love. It means they can choose a theme and a title for their paper. If that’s your case,  feel free to try any of these love essay topics:

• Exploring the impact of love on individuals and relationships.
• Love in the digital age: Navigating romance in a tech world.
• Is there any essence and significance in unconditional love?
• Love as a universal language: Connecting hearts across cultures.
• Biochemistry of love: Exploring the process.
• Love vs. passion vs. obsession.
• How love helps cope with heartbreak and grief.
• The art of loving. How we breed intimacy and trust.
• The science behind attraction and attachment.
• How love and relationships shape our identity and help with self-discovery.
• Love and vulnerability: How to embrace emotional openness.
• Romance is more complex than most think: Passion, intimacy, and commitment explained.
• Love as empathy: Building sympathetic connections in a cruel world.
• Evolution of love. How people described it throughout history.
• The role of love in mental and emotional well-being.
• Love as a tool to look and find purpose in life.
• Welcoming diversity in relations through love and acceptance.
• Love vs. friendship: The intersection of platonic and romantic bonds.
• The choices we make and challenges we overcome for those we love.
• Love and forgiveness: How its power heals wounds and strengthens bonds.

Love Essay Examples: Choose Your Sample for Inspiration

Essays about love are usually standard, 5-paragraph papers students write in college:

• One paragraph is for an introduction, with a hook and a thesis statement
• Three are for a body, with arguments or descriptions
• One last passage is for a conclusion, with a thesis restatement and final thoughts

Below are the ready-made samples to consider. They’ll help you see what an essay about love with an introduction, body, and conclusion looks like.

What is love essay: 250 words

Lao Tzu once said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Indeed, love can transform individuals, relationships, and our world.

A word of immense depth and countless interpretations, love has always fascinated philosophers, poets, and ordinary individuals. This  emotion breaks boundaries and has a super power to change lives. But what is love, actually?

It’s a force we feel in countless ways. It is the warm embrace of a parent, filled with care and unwavering support. It is the gentle touch of a lover, sparking a flame that ignites passion and desire. Love is the kind words of a friend, offering solace and understanding in times of need. It is the selfless acts of compassion and empathy that bind humanity together.

Love is not confined to romantic relationships alone. It is found in the family bonds, the connections we forge with friends, and even the compassion we extend to strangers. Love is a thread that weaves through the fabric of our lives, enriching and nourishing our souls.

However, love is not without its complexities. It can be both euphoric and agonizing, uplifting and devastating. Love requires vulnerability, trust, and the willingness to embrace joy and pain. It is a delicate balance between passion and compassion, independence and interdependence.

Finally, the essence of love may be elusive to define with mere words. It is an experience that surpasses language and logic, encompassing a spectrum of emotions and actions. Love is a profound connection that unites us all, reminding us of our shared humanity and the capacity for boundless compassion.

What is love essay: 500 words

A 500-word essay on why I love you

Trying to encapsulate why I love you in a mere 500 words is impossible. My love for you goes beyond the confines of language, transcending words and dwelling in the realm of emotions, connections, and shared experiences. Nevertheless, I shall endeavor to express the depth and breadth of my affection for you.

First and foremost, I love you for who you are. You possess a unique blend of qualities and characteristics that captivate my heart and mind. Your kindness and compassion touch the lives of those around you, and I am grateful to be the recipient of your unwavering care and understanding. Your intelligence and wit constantly challenge me to grow and learn, stimulating my mind and enriching our conversations. You have a beautiful spirit that radiates warmth and joy, and I am drawn to your vibrant energy.

I love the way you make me feel. When I am with you, I feel a sense of comfort and security that allows me to be my true self. Your presence envelops me in a cocoon of love and acceptance, where I can express my thoughts, fears, and dreams without fear of judgment. Your support and encouragement inspire me to pursue my passions and overcome obstacles. With you by my side, I feel empowered to face the world, knowing I have a partner who believes in me.

I love the memories we have created together. From the laughter-filled moments of shared adventures to the quiet and intimate conversations, every memory is etched in my heart. Whether exploring new places, indulging in our favorite activities, or simply enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence, each experience reinforces our bond. Our shared memories serve as a foundation for our relationship, a testament to the depth of our connection and the love that binds us.

I love your quirks and imperfections. Your true essence shines through these unique aspects! Your little traits make me smile and remind me of the beautiful individual you are. I love how you wrinkle your nose when you laugh, become lost in thought when reading a book, and even sing off-key in the shower. These imperfections make you human, relatable, and utterly lovable.

I love the future we envision together. We support each other’s goals, cheering one another on as we navigate the path toward our dreams. The thought of building a life together, creating a home filled with love and shared experiences, fills my heart with anticipation and excitement. The future we imagine is one that I am eager to explore with you by my side.

In conclusion, the reasons why I love you are as vast and varied as the universe itself. It is a love that defies logic and surpasses the limitations of language. From the depths of my being, I love you for the person you are, the way you make me feel, the memories we cherish, your quirks and imperfections, and the future we envision together. My love for you is boundless, unconditional, and everlasting.

A 5-paragraph essay about love

I’ve gathered all the samples (and a few bonus ones) in one PDF. It’s free to download. So, you can keep it at hand when the time comes to write a love essay.

Ready to Write Your Essay About Love?

Now that you know the definition of a love essay and have many topic ideas, it’s time to write your A-worthy paper! Here go the steps:

• Check all the examples of what is love essay from this post.
• Choose the topic and angle that fits your prompt best.
• Write your original and inspiring story.

Any questions left? Our writers are all ears. Please don’t hesitate to ask!

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Do You Know What Love Really Is?

Is it just a second-hand emotion?

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Emily is a board-certified science editor who has worked with top digital publishing brands like Voices for Biodiversity, Study.com, GoodTherapy, Vox, and Verywell.

Verywell / Laura Porter

• How Do You Know You're Feeling Love for Someone?

Is Love Influenced By Biology or Culture?

How to show love to another person.

• Tips for Cultivating

Negative Emotions Associated With Love

Take the love quiz.

When it comes to love, some people would say it is one of the most important human emotions . Love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, and trust.

Many say it's not an emotion in the way we typically understand them, but an essential physiological drive. 

Love is a physiological motivation such as hunger, thirst, sleep, and sex drive.

There are countless songs, books, poems, and other works of art about love (you probably have one in mind as we speak!). Yet despite being one of the most studied behaviors, it is still the least understood. For example, researchers debate whether love is a biological or cultural phenomenon.

How Do You Know You're Feeling Love for Someone?

What are some of the signs of love? Researchers have made distinctions between feelings of liking and loving another person.

Zick Rubin's Scales of Liking and Loving

According to psychologist Zick Rubin, romantic love is made up of three elements:

• Attachment : Needing to be with another person and desiring physical contact and approval
• Caring : Valuing the other person's happiness and needs as much as your own
• Intimacy : Sharing private thoughts, feelings, and desires with the other person

Based on this view of romantic love, Rubin developed two questionnaires to measure these variables, known as Rubin's Scales of Liking and Loving . While people tend to view people they like as pleasant, love is marked by being devoted, possessive, and confiding in one another. 

Are There Different Types of Love?

Yup—not all forms of love are the same, and psychologists have identified a number of different types of love that people may experience.

These types of love include:

• Friendship : This type of love involves liking someone and sharing a certain degree of intimacy.
• Infatuation : This form of love often involves intense feelings of attraction without a sense of commitment; it often takes place early in a relationship and may deepen into a more lasting love.
• Passionate love : This type of love is marked by intense feelings of longing and attraction; it often involves an idealization of the other person and a need to maintain constant physical closeness.
• Compassionate/companionate love : This form of love is marked by trust, affection, intimacy, and commitment.
• Unrequited love : This form of love happens when one person loves another who does not return those feelings.

Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love

Specifically, psychologist Robert Sternberg developed his well-regarded triangular theory of love in the early 1980s. Much research has built upon his work and demonstrated its universality across cultures.

Sternberg broke love into three components—intimacy, passion, and commitment—that interact to produce seven types of love .

Love is most likely influenced by both biology and culture. Although hormones and biology are important, the way we express and experience love is also influenced by our own conceptions of love.

Some researchers suggest that love is a basic human emotion just like happiness or anger, while others believe that it is a cultural phenomenon that arises partly due to social pressures and expectations. 

Research has found that romantic love exists in all cultures, which suggests that love has a strong biological component. It is a part of human nature to seek out and find love. However, culture can significantly affect how individuals think about, experience, and display romantic love.

Is Love an Emotion?

Psychologists, sociologists, and researchers disagree somewhat on the characterization of love. Many say it's not an emotion in the way we typically understand them, but an essential physiological drive. On the other hand, the American Psychological Association defines it as "a complex emotion." Still, others draw a distinction between primary and secondary emotions and put love in the latter category, maintaining that it derives from a mix of primary emotions.

There is no single way to practice love. Every relationship is unique, and each person brings their own history and needs. Some things that you can do to show love to the people you care about include:

• Be willing to be vulnerable.
• Be willing to forgive.
• Do your best, and be willing to apologize when you make mistakes.
• Let them know that you care.
• Listen to what they have to say.
• Prioritize spending time with the other person.
• Reciprocate loving gestures and acts of kindness.
• Recognize and acknowledge their good qualities.
• Share things about yourself.
• Show affection.
• Make it unconditional.

How Love Impacts Your Mental Health

Love, attachment, and affection have an important impact on well-being and quality of life. Loving relationships have been linked to:

• Lower risk of heart disease
• Decreased risk of dying after a heart attack
• Better health habits
• Increased longevity
• Lower stress levels
• Less depression
• Lower risk of diabetes

Tips for Cultivating Love

Lasting relationships are marked by deep levels of trust, commitment, and intimacy. Some things that you can do to help cultivate loving relationships include:

• Try loving-kindness meditation. Loving-kindness meditation (LKM) is a technique often used to promote self-acceptance and reduce stress, but it has also been shown to promote a variety of positive emotions and improve interpersonal relationships. LKM involves meditating while thinking about a person you love or care about, concentrating on warm feelings and your desire for their well-being and happiness.
• Communicate. Everyone's needs are different. The best way to ensure that your needs and your loved one's needs are met is to talk about them. Helping another person feel loved involves communicating that love to them through words and deeds. Some ways to do this include showing that you care, making them feel special, telling them they are loved , and doing things for them.
• Tackle conflict in a healthy way . Never arguing is not necessarily a sign of a healthy relationship—more often than not, it means that people are avoiding an issue rather than discussing it. Rather than avoid conflict, focus on hashing out issues in ways that are healthy in order to move a relationship forward in a positive way. 

As Shakespeare said, the course of love never did run smooth. Love can vary in intensity and can change over time. It is associated with a range of positive emotions, including happiness, excitement, life satisfaction, and euphoria, but it can also result in negative emotions such as jealousy and stress.

No relationship is perfect, so there will always be problems, conflicts, misunderstandings, and disappointments that can lead to distress or heartbreak.

Some of the potential pitfalls of experiencing love include:

• Increased stress
• Obsessiveness
• Possessiveness

While people are bound to experience some negative emotions associated with love, it can become problematic if those negative feelings outweigh the positive or if they start to interfere with either person's ability to function normally. Relationship counseling can be helpful in situations where couples need help coping with miscommunication, stress, or emotional issues.

History of Love

Only fairly recently has love become the subject of science. In the past, the study of love was left to "the creative writer to depict for us the necessary conditions for loving," according to Sigmund Freud . "In consequence, it becomes inevitable that science should concern herself with the same materials whose treatment by artists has given enjoyment to mankind for thousands of years," he added.  

Research on love has grown tremendously since Freud's remarks. But early explorations into the nature and reasons for love drew considerable criticism. During the 1970s, U.S. Senator William Proxmire railed against researchers who were studying love and derided the work as a waste of taxpayer dollars.

Despite early resistance, research has revealed the importance of love in both child development and adult health.  

Our fast and free love quiz can help you determine if what you've got is the real deal or simply a temporary fling or infatuation.

Burunat E. Love is not an emotion .  Psychology . 2016;07(14):1883. doi:10.4236/psych.2016.714173

Karandashev V. A Cultural Perspective on Romantic Love .  ORPC. 2015;5(4):1-21. doi:10.9707/2307-0919.1135

Rubin Z. Lovers and Other Strangers: The Development of Intimacy in Encounters and Relationships: Experimental studies of self-disclosure between strangers at bus stops and in airport departure lounges can provide clues about the development of intimate relationships . American Scientist. 1974;62(2):182-190.

Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW. Regulation of Romantic Love Feelings: Preconceptions, Strategies, and Feasibility .  PLoS One . 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087

• Sorokowski P, Sorokowska A, Karwowski M, et al.  Universality of the triangular theory of love: adaptation and psychometric properties of the triangular love scale in 25 countries .  J Sex Res . 2021;58(1):106-115. doi:10.1080/00224499.2020.1787318

American Psychological Association. APA Dictionary of Psychology .

Wong CW, Kwok CS, Narain A, et al. Marital status and risk of cardiovascular diseases: a systematic review and meta-analysis .  Heart . 2018;104(23):1937‐1948. doi:10.1136/heartjnl-2018-313005

Robards J, Evandrou M, Falkingham J, Vlachantoni A. Marital status, health and mortality .  Maturitas . 2012;73(4):295‐299. doi:10.1016/j.maturitas.2012.08.007

Teo AR, Choi H, Valenstein M. Social Relationships and Depression: Ten-Year Follow-Up from a Nationally Representative Study . PLoS One . 2013;8(4):e62396. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0062396

Roberson PNE, Fincham F. Is relationship quality linked to diabetes risk and management?: It depends on what you look at . Fam Syst Health. 2018;36(3):315-326. doi:10.1037/fsh0000336

He X, Shi W, Han X, Wang N, Zhang N, Wang X. The interventional effects of loving-kindness meditation on positive emotions and interpersonal interactions .  Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat . 2015;11:1273‐1277. doi:10.2147/NDT.S79607

Freud S. The Freud Reader . New York: W. W. Norton & Company; 1995.

Winston R, Chicot R. The importance of early bonding on the long-term mental health and resilience of children . London J Prim Care (Abingdon). 2016;8(1):12-14. doi:10.1080/17571472.2015.1133012

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

How to Describe Love in Writing (21 Best Tips + Examples)

Love is a universal language, yet when it comes to putting it into words, many of us find ourselves tongue-tied.

Here is how to describe in writing :

Describe love in writing by capturing emotional depth, using vivid and sensory details, incorporating unique metaphors and comparisons, exploring the complexities and nuances of love, and expressing love through actions and dialogue. Connect love to the plot and theme of the story.

In this guide, you’ll learn 21 top-notch tips and examples that will help you write about love like a pro.

1. The Tip of the Iceberg Technique

Table of Contents

When expressing love in writing, you don’t have to spill all the beans at once.

In fact, it’s often more powerful to leave something to the reader’s imagination. This technique involves alluding to the depth of your character’s emotions without spelling everything out.

It creates an air of mystery and makes your readers want to delve deeper into your character’s feelings.

For instance, your character might not declare his love directly.

But his actions, the way he looks at the person he loves, or the things he sacrifices for her, all speak volumes about his feelings.

The best part is, your readers will feel like they’re discovering these emotions alongside your character.

Often, this makes the experience even more impactful.

Example: He didn’t say anything. But he held her hand, his thumb tracing her knuckles in a silent confession.

2. The Show-Don’t-Tell Rule

We’ve all heard it a thousand times – show, don’t tell.

When it comes to writing about love, this rule is especially crucial. Telling your readers that your characters are in love is like giving them a summary of a movie – it’s informative, but it doesn’t evoke any emotions.

Showing, on the other hand, involves your readers and makes them feel like they’re part of the story.

When you ‘show’ love, you’re painting a picture with your words.

You’re creating a scene that readers can visualize, pulling them into your character’s world.

This can involve showing your characters’ actions, their body language, the way they speak, and their reactions.

Example: Instead of saying, “John was in love with Sarah,” you could write, “John’s heart fluttered every time Sarah walked into the room. Her laugh was his favorite sound, and he found himself doing silly things just to hear it.”

3. The Heart-in-Mouth Technique

This tip is all about creating suspense in your love story.

When you keep your readers on the edge of their seats, they’re more likely to be engaged and invested in your characters’ love story.

The Heart-in-Mouth Technique involves building tension between your characters, creating conflicts and hurdles they have to overcome, and then finally giving them (and your readers) the relief of resolution.

This technique doesn’t just apply to romantic novels or stories.

It can be used in any genre where love plays a significant role.

Remember, the key is to build anticipation and suspense, so when the love is finally expressed or reciprocated, it feels like a big payoff for your readers.

Example: The room was filled with people, but all he could see was her. Their eyes met across the room, a silent conversation passing between them. But as he began to make his way towards her, a man stepped in, sweeping her onto the dance floor. His heart sank, but he couldn’t look away.

4. The Whisper-in-the-Ear Method

Instead of loud, grand gestures of love, this method focuses on the quiet, almost unnoticed expressions of love that often speak louder than words.

These could be little things your characters do for each other, their shared glances, or even their unspoken understanding.

The Whisper-in-the-Ear Method can make your love story feel more realistic and relatable.

In real life, love isn’t always about the big, dramatic moments.

It’s about the little things, the day-to-day acts of kindness and understanding that show someone you care about them.

Example: She woke up to the smell of fresh coffee. He was already up, like always. She found him in the kitchen, humming to himself as he made breakfast. “Morning,” he said, his eyes crinkling at the corners. She didn’t need a “I love you” to know that he did.

5. The Behind-Closed-Doors Technique

Another effective technique for writing about love is to hint at what happens behind closed doors.

This doesn’t mean you have to get explicit or graphic (unless you want to, of course).

It simply means suggesting intimacy between your characters without revealing everything.

This allows your readers to fill in the blanks with their own imagination, which can make your love story even more engaging.

The Behind-Closed-Doors Technique adds a sense of realism to your love story, because in real life, not every moment of a relationship is visible to others.

It also adds depth to your characters and their relationship.

You want to show that their love goes beyond what’s visible on the surface.

Example: They disappeared into the room, his hand never leaving hers. The door closed behind them, leaving the rest of the world outside. When they emerged hours later, their eyes held a secret glow only they understood.

6. The Push-and-Pull Dynamic

Love isn’t always smooth sailing – it’s full of ups and downs, conflicts and resolutions.

The Push-and-Pull Method involves creating tension and release in your love story, which keeps your readers engaged and invested in your characters’ relationship.

It’s like a dance, where your characters move towards each other, then away, then back again, creating a dynamic, compelling love story.

Conflict is crucial to any story, and love stories are no exception.

Your characters might argue, have misunderstandings, face external challenges, or deal with their own internal struggles.

The key is to resolve these conflicts in a satisfying way that strengthens their relationship.

Example: They argued, yes. There were days when they couldn’t stand each other. But every disagreement was followed by a reconciliation that brought them closer than before. It was like watching two magnets, pushing and pulling until they finally clicked into place.

7. The Subtext-is-Everything Technique

This technique is all about what’s unsaid, rather than what’s said.

It’s the hidden meanings, the secret messages, and the unspoken emotions that make your love story more engaging and realistic.

The Subtext-is-Everything Technique involves showing your characters’ feelings through their actions, their body language, and their dialogues.

Subtext adds depth and complexity to your characters and their relationship.

By using subtext, you allow your readers to dig deeper into your characters’ emotions and understand them on a deeper level.

Example: She looked away, but not before he caught the flicker of longing in her eyes. “You should go,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. But her hand lingered on his arm, a silent plea for him to stay.

8. The Less-is-More Method

Often when writing about love, the temptation is to over-explain and over-describe.

However, the beauty of the Less-is-More Method is that it relies on simplicity and understatement.

This can make your expressions of love more powerful because it doesn’t feel forced or overdone.

This approach requires precise language, carefully chosen details, and meaningful gestures.

This method is a bit like cooking a gourmet meal – you don’t need a ton of ingredients, just a few high-quality ones used well.

It’s about focusing on the essential aspects of your characters’ love and presenting them in a clear, effective way.

Example: He looked at her, really looked at her, for the first time. And in that moment, he knew.

9. The Echo Effect

Repetition, when used correctly, can add depth and resonance to your love story.

The Echo Effect involves repeating certain phrases, gestures, or scenes to emphasize your characters’ feelings.

This technique can help your readers remember and connect with your characters’ love story on a deeper level.

Just like in music, where a recurring melody or lyric can evoke strong emotions, in writing, the Echo Effect can create a powerful emotional impact.

It creates a pattern that your readers recognize and anticipate, adding a layer of depth to your love story.

Example: He noticed it the first time they met – the way she tucked her hair behind her ear when she was nervous. He saw it again on their first date, and then again when he told her he loved her. It was a silent echo of their journey, a testament to their shared moments.

10. The Shared-Secret Technique

The Shared-Secret Technique is all about creating a bond between your characters that only they understand.

This could be an inside joke, a shared experience, or a secret they keep together.

This technique can make your characters’ relationship feel unique and special, adding depth and intimacy to your love story.

This technique works well because it not only strengthens the bond between your characters but also creates a connection between your characters and your readers.

Your readers feel like they’re part of the secret, which can make them more invested in your characters’ love story.

Example: Every year on their anniversary, they would go back to the same little coffee shop where they first met. It wasn’t fancy, but it was their place, their little secret corner of the world.

11. The Emotional-Rollercoaster Method

The Emotional-Rollercoaster Method is all about creating a wide range of emotions in your love story.

It’s not just about the happy moments, but also the sad, tense, and even frustrating ones.

This technique can make your love story more realistic and engaging, as it mirrors the ups and downs of real-life relationships.

By creating a mix of emotions, you can keep your readers on their toes and make them feel more involved in your characters’ love story.

Even negative emotions can create a strong impact and make the happy moments even more satisfying.

Example: Their love was a tumultuous symphony – full of passionate crescendos, heartbreaking solos, and soft, tender interludes. It wasn’t perfect, but it was real, and it was theirs.

12. The Love-Is-in-the-Details Approach

The Love-Is-in-the-Details Approach involves focusing on the small, seemingly insignificant details of your characters’ relationship.

This could be the way they look at each other, their little habits and quirks, or the small acts of kindness they do for each other.

This technique can make your love story feel more intimate and personal, showing your characters’ love in a subtle, nuanced way.

Remember, sometimes the smallest details can have the biggest impact.

By focusing on these details, you can show your characters’ love in a more nuanced and authentic way.

Example: He knew just how she liked her coffee – two sugars, a dash of milk, and exactly seven minutes to cool down. It was a small thing, but it was one of the many ways he showed her he cared.

13. The Soul-Gazing Technique

The Soul-Gazing Technique is all about creating a deep, emotional connection between your characters.

This involves showing your characters understanding each other on a deeper level, beyond surface-level attraction or compatibility.

This technique can make your love story more impactful, showing a love that goes beyond the physical.

Creating this kind of emotional depth can involve showing your characters’ vulnerability, their shared experiences, or their mutual understanding and empathy.

It’s about showing that they ‘get’ each other on a level that no one else does.

Example: They sat in silence, but it wasn’t awkward. It was comfortable, intimate. They didn’t need words to understand each other – a look, a touch, a shared smile was enough.

14. The Dance-of-Words Method

This method is all about using your words to create a sort of dance between your characters.

Like a well-choreographed dance, a well-written love scene involves rhythm, pacing, and a balance between tension and release.

It’s about creating a back-and-forth dialogue or interaction that mirrors a dance.

The Dance-of-Words Method can make your love story feel dynamic and engaging.

The key is to find the right rhythm for your characters and your story, to create a love scene that feels natural and fluid.

Example: They spoke in hushed whispers, their words intertwining like dancers in a ballet. A compliment here, a tease there, a shared laugh, a shared silence. It was their own private dance, a testament to their love.

15. The Love-Is-A-Journey Approach

Love, like a journey, is full of twists and turns, ups and downs, and unexpected detours.

The Love-Is-A-Journey Approach involves treating your characters’ love story as a journey, with its own challenges, milestones, and transformations.

This approach can make your love story more engaging and relatable.

It mirrors the complexities and uncertainties of real-life love.

By treating love as a journey, you can show your characters growing and evolving together, strengthening their bond and deepening their love.

Example: Their love was not a destination, but a journey. A winding path with unexpected twists and turns, breathtaking views and steep climbs. But they walked it together, hand in hand, cherishing every step of the way.

16. The Love-Letters Technique

Sometimes, the most powerful expressions of love come in written form.

The Love-Letters Technique involves using letters, notes, or other written communication as a way to express your characters’ love.

This can add a touch of nostalgia and romance to your love story, as well as allow your characters to express their feelings in a more intimate, personal way.

This technique is versatile and can be adapted to fit your story.

Your characters could exchange love letters, leave each other sweet notes, or even write in a shared diary or journal.

Example: He found the note on the kitchen table, her neat handwriting bringing a smile to his face. “See you tonight, love. P.S. Don’t forget to water the plants!” It was a small thing, but it reminded him of the love they shared.

17. The Language-of-Love Method

This method is all about using language and dialogue to express your characters’ love.

This doesn’t necessarily mean using flowery or overly romantic language.

Instead, it’s about using language that feels authentic and natural to your characters, whether that’s sweet and tender, playful and teasing, or deep and philosophical.

The Language-of-Love Method can make your love story feel more authentic and relatable.

It shows your characters’ unique way of expressing their love.

Example: She didn’t say “I love you” in so many words. But when she said “Take care,” “Drive safe,” or “Did you eat?” he heard the unspoken words of love in every sentence.

18. The Love-Is-A-Battlefield Approach

Love can sometimes feel like a battlefield, full of conflicts, challenges, and triumphs.

The Love-Is-A-Battlefield Approach involves treating your characters’ love story as a battle, with its own victories, losses, and strategies.

This approach can add drama and tension to your love story, making it more engaging and exciting.

By treating love as a battlefield, you can show your characters fighting for their love, overcoming obstacles, and emerging victorious against all odds.

Example: Their love was not easy. It was a battle, a constant fight against distance, time, and their own fears. But they fought bravely, tirelessly, because they knew their love was worth every struggle.

19. The Magic-in-Mundane Technique

This technique is all about finding the magic in the mundane – showing your characters’ love in everyday, ordinary moments.

This could be a shared meal, a morning routine, or a quiet evening at home.

The Magic-in-Mundane Technique can make your love story feel more relatable and realistic, showing that love isn’t just about the big, dramatic moments.

But also the small, everyday ones.

Example: It was an ordinary Tuesday evening. They sat on the couch, her feet in his lap, a movie playing in the background. He looked at her, her eyes sparkling with laughter, and he thought, this, this is love.

20. The Through-The-Eyes-Of-Love Technique

This technique involves showing your characters and their world through the eyes of love.

This means showing how your character sees the person they love.

Also, how they notice things that others don’t and how they cherish their shared moments and memories.

The Through-The-Eyes-Of-Love Technique can create a more intimate and personal perspective of your love story.

Example: To the world, she was just a girl. But to him, she was the world. He saw the beauty in her flaws, the strength in her vulnerability, the grace in her every move. Through his eyes, she was not just a girl, but a masterpiece of love.

21. The Love-in-Action Method

The Love-in-Action Method involves showing your characters’ love through their actions.

This means showing how your characters express their love, not just through words, but through their actions, decisions, and sacrifices.

The method can make your love story more powerful and impactful.

It shows that love is not just a feeling, but a choice, a commitment, a daily act of kindness and care.

Example: He didn’t say “I love you” often. But when he picked her up from work when it was raining, when he cooked her favorite meal after a long day, when he held her close during the thunderstorms, his actions spoke louder than any words.

How to Describe Love at First Sight

Describing love at first sight can be tricky, as it involves capturing a moment of instant attraction and connection.

To effectively portray this, focus on the details that made your characters fall for each other.

Describe the physical attributes, mannerisms, or other characteristics that caught their attention.

Try to depict the rush of emotions that accompany such a moment, from surprise and intrigue to excitement and longing.

Example: From across the crowded room, their eyes met. He was drawn in by her radiant smile, the way her eyes sparkled with joy, the effortless grace with which she moved. It was like a lightning strike, a sudden realization that shook him to his core. He didn’t know her, not yet, but he knew he wanted to.

How to Describe Unrequited Love

Unrequited love is a theme full of raw and intense emotions – longing, heartbreak, and sometimes even hope.

When describing unrequited love, delve into your character’s feelings and desires, exploring the depth of their affection for the person they can’t have.

Showcase the bittersweet nature of their love, the struggle between holding on and letting go.

Example: He loved her, but not in the way she loved him. Her love was like a blazing fire, burning brightly and fiercely. His love was more like a gentle breeze, comforting yet elusive. She yearned for him, dreamt of him, even as she knew that her feelings were unreciprocated.

Words to Describe Love

When learning how to describe love in writing, it’s helpful to have a list of words for reference.

Here are some of the best words to describe love:

• Unconditional
• Overwhelming
• Affectionate
• Irresistible
• Invigorating

Phrases to Describe Love

Consider the following phrases for describing love in writing:

• Head over heels
• Love is in the air
• Crazy in love
• Love against all odds
• Love at first sight
• The look of love
• Falling deeply in love
• A burning passion
• The language of love
• Lost in each other’s eyes
• Love knows no bounds
• The power of love
• A heart full of love
• A love that defies description
• A timeless love
• An unspoken bond
• Love that takes your breath away
• A love written in the stars
• A love that stands the test of time
• The depth of their love

Here is a great (and fun) video about how not to describe love in writing – which is just as important to know:

Final Thoughts: How to Describe Love in Writing

Ultimately, describing love in writing is about balancing all the narrative elements of a story.

It’s not easy but it is an incredible way to bring your characters and your story to life. I hope this guide helps you create an epic love that readers ship and swoon over for years.

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Home Essay Samples Life Life Changing Experience

An Unforgettable Day: A Chapter Etched in the Tapestry of My Life

Table of contents, the dawn of the unforgettable day, an unexpected encounter, lessons in empathy and compassion, unexpected twists and turns, discovering the beauty in the ordinary, the sunset and reflection.

• Brown, B. (2018). Braving the wilderness: The quest for true belonging and the courage to stand alone. Random House.
• Coelho, P. (1998). The Alchemist. HarperOne.
• Kabat-Zinn, J. (2005). Coming to our senses: Healing ourselves and the world through mindfulness. Hyperion.
• Lamott, A. (2007). Bird by bird: Some instructions on writing and life. Anchor Books.
• Nguyen, V. H., Tran, T. T., & Dinh, T. V. (2018). Mindful self-compassion and life satisfaction: Mediating roles of emotional regulation and self-esteem. Personality and Individual Differences, 123, 171-178.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Crush — A Crush Experience in My Life

A Crush Experience in My Life

• Categories: Crush Personal Experience

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Words: 2033 |

11 min read

Published: Nov 5, 2020

Words: 2033 | Pages: 4 | 11 min read

So What Made Me Believe in Love?

Works cited.

• Aron, A., Fisher, H., Mashek, D. J., Strong, G., Li, H., & Brown, L. L. (2005). Reward, motivation, and emotion systems associated with early-stage intense romantic love. Journal of neurophysiology, 94(1), 327-337.
• Berscheid, E., & Walster, E. (1978). Interpersonal attraction. Addison-Wesley Publishing Company.
• Brehm, S. S., & Kassin, S. M. (1996). Social psychology (4th ed.). Houghton Mifflin.
• Buunk, B. P., & Dijkstra, P. (2009). Romantic love in the transition from singlehood to marriage: A research synthesis. Journal of Marriage and Family, 71(4), 929-946.
• Fisher, H. E., Aron, A., Brown, L. L., (2006). Romantic love: A mammalian brain system for mate choice. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B, 361(1476), 2173-2186.
• Hatfield, E., & Rapson, R. L. (1993). Love and intimacy. Allyn and Bacon.
• Hendrick, C., & Hendrick, S. (2000). Romantic love. In Reis, H. T., & Judd, C. M. (Eds.), Handbook of Research Methods in Social and Personality Psychology (pp. 744-759). Cambridge University Press.
• Reis, H. T., & Aron, A. (2008). Love: What is it, why does it matter, and how does it operate? Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3(1), 80-86.
• Sternberg, R. J. (1986). A triangular theory of love. Psychological Review, 93(2), 119-135.
• Thompson, A. L., & Gregory, W. L. (2012). Adolescent romantic relationships. In Laursen, B., & Collins, W. A. (Eds.), Relationship pathways: From adolescence to young adulthood (pp. 63-84). Sage Publications.

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Reading: Love: Expect the Unexpected

Love & Relationships

Love: Expect the Unexpected

At 79, my grandmother got a second chance at love. What that taught me about my first chance

By Rachel Linden

“Well this is unexpected ,” I murmur with a touch of consternation as my grandmother pulls down our driveway in a gleaming silver Mercedes driven by her beau. She looks like a million dollars, wearing a favorite blouse I’ve lent her for the occasion, her hair painstakingly curled by me. “Usually I’m the one going out on the town while she waits up for me.”

Love: Has it Passed Me By?

I sigh and turn back to the house where a bowl of Raisin Bran and a lonely Friday night watching TV await me.

A newly minted college graduate, I’m working a dead-end job and nursing a broken heart. My fiancé ended our engagement just as I was picking out a wedding dress. Future plans in shambles, I moved back to my sleepy midwestern town after graduation and into my childhood home with my beloved Grandma Sally. I feel like a racehorse who burst from the gate only to stumble at the first turn. I now call bingo for senior citizens at a retirement center and try desperately to hold a full-blown existential crisis at bay.

But while my life seems to be over prematurely, Grandma Sally’s is just beginning anew. She’s spent the past 14 years nursing my grandfather as he succumbed to Alzheimer’s disease . It was a long, brutal battle against a disease that always conquers. Now at 79 she is widowed and strangely free.

A few months after my grandfather’s death, an old friend called to ask her to dinner. The widowed husband of her late best friend, Dale is a puckish, balding man with twinkly blue eyes. They’ve known each other since high school and even starred opposite one another in a school play. That first evening they burst into song in our kitchen; they still remember the parts they both played. It feels like destiny.

Soon Dale is whisking her away for dinner at the country club and weekends cruising the lake at his summer home. She borrows all my cute clothes; I curl her hair and draw on her eyebrows. It’s like a senior citizen Cinderella story.

“We’re just friends,” she insists, blushing a telltale pink. I’m happy for her but nervous too. Everything around me is changing once more, my world tilting. I can’t seem to find steady ground.

One evening in December, Dale kisses her under the porch light while I wait up for her. By January they are engaged and planning a May wedding.

“At our age, there’s no time to waste,” she quips, then adds with a touch of delight: “Love is very unexpected. You never know where it will lead you.”

Rachel with her mother Adelle (left) and her grandmother Sally (middle).

My Grandmother Gets A Second Chance

At their sunny garden wedding, I serve punch as they dance to Frank Sinatra. I watch them, a little teary-eyed. It’s such a beautiful second chapter in her love story. It renews my hope that perhaps there will be a second chapter for me, too. At 22, I can only see the endings. I don’t yet have the wisdom to understand that often in those painful endings are the seeds of new beginnings.

Then they are off, traveling the world, a globetrotting pair of octogenarian newlyweds. They watch the sunrise over the Taj Mahal, climb the steps to the Parthenon, cruise the Mediterranean, and explore crumbling castles in Scotland.

“We’re doing everything I ever dreamed of doing,” Grandma Sally tells me after they return from a trip to Dubai.

Her adventurous spirit fuels my own courage. I quit calling bingo and apply to graduate school. I move to Chicago. It feels so liberating, this unanticipated second start, so full of possibility. I love my studies, the Art Institute, my tiny basement apartment. And then one day a new student walks into class, leather satchel slung over his shoulder, an English driving cap perched on his head.

He looks so interesting. I’m intrigued.

“He’s a world traveler,” a classmate informs me later. “A local legend. He’s been to 50 countries.”

I learn he’s a former student in my program, just back from Africa and auditing our class.

Dale and Grandma Sally continue their adventures. As I prep for my first date with the enigmatic world traveler, I receive an email. “We have crossed the Arctic circle,” Dale writes, “Sally thinks the sled dog puppies are cute.”

I Begin My Own Adventure

Over the next several years as I finish graduate school, the newlyweds make the most of every opportunity, celebrating each day they have together. My own love story blooms, beautiful and unexpected. We also marry in May, then circle the globe, starting our own adventure.

Seven years after their wedding, at the age of 87, Dale sends their final travel update. “We are halfway through our tour of Antarctica. Sally loves the penguins. This will be our last big trip. We are settling down to quieter pursuits. But first, we will go out in the Zodiac to see the glaciers calve in the morning.”

I read the email as I cradle my infant son in my arms and watch the sunrise over the Danube River. My husband wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head, standing with me at the tall window of our elegantly shabby apartment in Budapest. “What are you thinking about?” he asks.

“Grandma Sally,” I reply, feeling a swell of gratitude and affection for my grandmother. “She was right. Love is unexpected in the best possible way.”

I stop, marveling at this single moment of my life, and at the thousands of moments that led up to it. I’m suffused with a sense of wonder at the child I hold in my arms, at the man who is holding me in his, at the path my life has taken. “You never know where it will lead you.”

*Note from the author. Grandma Sally and Dale turned 92 this spring and are still in love and having adventures, albeit at a slower pace. They claim they’ve been on a 12-year honeymoon and continue to celebrate each day together.

Rachel Linden is the author of novels including her newest release The Enlightenment of Bees , as well as an international aid worker whose adventures in over fifty countries around the world provide excellent grist for her writing. Visit her online at rachellinden.com ; Instagram: rachellinden_writer ; Facebook: authorRachellinden .

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Diane Smith

Love is unexpected and wonderful !

Sarah Smith

This essay is so beautiful and hopeful! It’s just one more heartwarming story proving that you’re never too old (or too young) to begin again…

Hi Sarah: exactly. Nothing is out of reach. It’s all mindset.

What beautiful real-life love stories! I hope I can have that much fun in my 80’s! I’m thankful to for my own real-life love story! Well done, Rachel!

We want to be that inspirational at that age as well. We are trying…

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This essay focuses on personal love, or the love of particular persons as such. Part of the philosophical task in understanding personal love is to distinguish the various kinds of personal love. For example, the way in which I love my wife is seemingly very different from the way I love my mother, my child, and my friend. This task has typically proceeded hand-in-hand with philosophical analyses of these kinds of personal love, analyses that in part respond to various puzzles about love. Can love be justified? If so, how? What is the value of personal love? What impact does love have on the autonomy of both the lover and the beloved?

1. Preliminary Distinctions

2. love as union, 3. love as robust concern, 4.1 love as appraisal of value, 4.2 love as bestowal of value, 4.3 an intermediate position, 5.1 love as emotion proper, 5.2 love as emotion complex, 6. the value and justification of love, other internet resources, related entries.

In ordinary conversations, we often say things like the following:

• I love chocolate (or skiing).
• I love doing philosophy (or being a father).
• I love my dog (or cat).
• I love my wife (or mother or child or friend).

However, what is meant by ‘love’ differs from case to case. (1) may be understood as meaning merely that I like this thing or activity very much. In (2) the implication is typically that I find engaging in a certain activity or being a certain kind of person to be a part of my identity and so what makes my life worth living; I might just as well say that I value these. By contrast, (3) and (4) seem to indicate a mode of concern that cannot be neatly assimilated to anything else. Thus, we might understand the sort of love at issue in (4) to be, roughly, a matter of caring about another person as the person she is, for her own sake. (Accordingly, (3) may be understood as a kind of deficient mode of the sort of love we typically reserve for persons.) Philosophical accounts of love have focused primarily on the sort of personal love at issue in (4); such personal love will be the focus here (though see Frankfurt (1999) and Jaworska & Wonderly (2017) for attempts to provide a more general account that applies to non-persons as well).

Even within personal love, philosophers from the ancient Greeks on have traditionally distinguished three notions that can properly be called “love”: eros , agape , and philia . It will be useful to distinguish these three and say something about how contemporary discussions typically blur these distinctions (sometimes intentionally so) or use them for other purposes.

‘ Eros ’ originally meant love in the sense of a kind of passionate desire for an object, typically sexual passion (Liddell et al., 1940). Nygren (1953a,b) describes eros as the “‘love of desire,’ or acquisitive love” and therefore as egocentric (1953b, p. 89). Soble (1989b, 1990) similarly describes eros as “selfish” and as a response to the merits of the beloved—especially the beloved’s goodness or beauty. What is evident in Soble’s description of eros is a shift away from the sexual: to love something in the “erosic” sense (to use the term Soble coins) is to love it in a way that, by being responsive to its merits, is dependent on reasons. Such an understanding of eros is encouraged by Plato’s discussion in the Symposium , in which Socrates understands sexual desire to be a deficient response to physical beauty in particular, a response which ought to be developed into a response to the beauty of a person’s soul and, ultimately, into a response to the form, Beauty.

Soble’s intent in understanding eros to be a reason-dependent sort of love is to articulate a sharp contrast with agape , a sort of love that does not respond to the value of its object. ‘ Agape ’ has come, primarily through the Christian tradition, to mean the sort of love God has for us persons, as well as our love for God and, by extension, of our love for each other—a kind of brotherly love. In the paradigm case of God’s love for us, agape is “spontaneous and unmotivated,” revealing not that we merit that love but that God’s nature is love (Nygren 1953b, p. 85). Rather than responding to antecedent value in its object, agape instead is supposed to create value in its object and therefore to initiate our fellowship with God (pp. 87–88). Consequently, Badhwar (2003, p. 58) characterizes agape as “independent of the loved individual’s fundamental characteristics as the particular person she is”; and Soble (1990, p. 5) infers that agape , in contrast to eros , is therefore not reason dependent but is rationally “incomprehensible,” admitting at best of causal or historical explanations. [ 1 ]

Finally, ‘ philia ’ originally meant a kind of affectionate regard or friendly feeling towards not just one’s friends but also possibly towards family members, business partners, and one’s country at large (Liddell et al., 1940; Cooper, 1977). Like eros , philia is generally (but not universally) understood to be responsive to (good) qualities in one’s beloved. This similarity between eros and philia has led Thomas (1987) to wonder whether the only difference between romantic love and friendship is the sexual involvement of the former—and whether that is adequate to account for the real differences we experience. The distinction between eros and philia becomes harder to draw with Soble’s attempt to diminish the importance of the sexual in eros (1990).

Maintaining the distinctions among eros , agape , and philia becomes even more difficult when faced with contemporary theories of love (including romantic love) and friendship. For, as discussed below, some theories of romantic love understand it along the lines of the agape tradition as creating value in the beloved (cf. Section 4.2 ), and other accounts of romantic love treat sexual activity as merely the expression of what otherwise looks very much like friendship.

Given the focus here on personal love, Christian conceptions of God’s love for persons (and vice versa ) will be omitted, and the distinction between eros and philia will be blurred—as it typically is in contemporary accounts. Instead, the focus here will be on these contemporary understandings of love, including romantic love, understood as an attitude we take towards other persons. [ 2 ]

In providing an account of love, philosophical analyses must be careful to distinguish love from other positive attitudes we take towards persons, such as liking. Intuitively, love differs from such attitudes as liking in terms of its “depth,” and the problem is to elucidate the kind of “depth” we intuitively find love to have. Some analyses do this in part by providing thin conceptions of what liking amounts to. Thus, Singer (1991) and Brown (1987) understand liking to be a matter of desiring, an attitude that at best involves its object having only instrumental (and not intrinsic) value. Yet this seems inadequate: surely there are attitudes towards persons intermediate between having a desire with a person as its object and loving the person. I can care about a person for her own sake and not merely instrumentally, and yet such caring does not on its own amount to (non-deficiently) loving her, for it seems I can care about my dog in exactly the same way, a kind of caring which is insufficiently personal for love.

It is more common to distinguish loving from liking via the intuition that the “depth” of love is to be explained in terms of a notion of identification: to love someone is somehow to identify yourself with him, whereas no such notion of identification is involved in liking. As Nussbaum puts it, “The choice between one potential love and another can feel, and be, like a choice of a way of life, a decision to dedicate oneself to these values rather than these” (1990, p. 328); liking clearly does not have this sort of “depth” (see also Helm 2010; Bagley 2015). Whether love involves some kind of identification, and if so exactly how to understand such identification, is a central bone of contention among the various analyses of love. In particular, Whiting (2013) argues that the appeal to a notion of identification distorts our understanding of the sort of motivation love can provide, for taken literally it implies that love motivates through self -interest rather than through the beloved’s interests. Thus, Whiting argues, central to love is the possibility that love takes the lover “outside herself”, potentially forgetting herself in being moved directly by the interests of the beloved. (Of course, we need not take the notion of identification literally in this way: in identifying with one’s beloved, one might have a concern for one’s beloved that is analogous to one’s concern for oneself; see Helm 2010.)

Another common way to distinguish love from other personal attitudes is in terms of a distinctive kind of evaluation, which itself can account for love’s “depth.” Again, whether love essentially involves a distinctive kind of evaluation, and if so how to make sense of that evaluation, is hotly disputed. Closely related to questions of evaluation are questions of justification: can we justify loving or continuing to love a particular person, and if so, how? For those who think the justification of love is possible, it is common to understand such justification in terms of evaluation, and the answers here affect various accounts’ attempts to make sense of the kind of constancy or commitment love seems to involve, as well as the sense in which love is directed at particular individuals.

In what follows, theories of love are tentatively and hesitantly classified into four types: love as union, love as robust concern, love as valuing, and love as an emotion. It should be clear, however, that particular theories classified under one type sometimes also include, without contradiction, ideas central to other types. The types identified here overlap to some extent, and in some cases classifying particular theories may involve excessive pigeonholing. (Such cases are noted below.) Part of the classificatory problem is that many accounts of love are quasi-reductionistic, understanding love in terms of notions like affection, evaluation, attachment, etc., which themselves never get analyzed. Even when these accounts eschew explicitly reductionistic language, very often little attempt is made to show how one such “aspect” of love is conceptually connected to others. As a result, there is no clear and obvious way to classify particular theories, let alone identify what the relevant classes should be.

The union view claims that love consists in the formation of (or the desire to form) some significant kind of union, a “we.” A central task for union theorists, therefore, is to spell out just what such a “we” comes to—whether it is literally a new entity in the world somehow composed of the lover and the beloved, or whether it is merely metaphorical. Variants of this view perhaps go back to Aristotle (cf. Sherman 1993) and can also be found in Montaigne ([E]) and Hegel (1997); contemporary proponents include Solomon (1981, 1988), Scruton (1986), Nozick (1989), Fisher (1990), and Delaney (1996).

Scruton, writing in particular about romantic love, claims that love exists “just so soon as reciprocity becomes community: that is, just so soon as all distinction between my interests and your interests is overcome” (1986, p. 230). The idea is that the union is a union of concern, so that when I act out of that concern it is not for my sake alone or for your sake alone but for our sake. Fisher (1990) holds a similar, but somewhat more moderate view, claiming that love is a partial fusion of the lovers’ cares, concerns, emotional responses, and actions. What is striking about both Scruton and Fisher is the claim that love requires the actual union of the lovers’ concerns, for it thus becomes clear that they conceive of love not so much as an attitude we take towards another but as a relationship: the distinction between your interests and mine genuinely disappears only when we together come to have shared cares, concerns, etc., and my merely having a certain attitude towards you is not enough for love. This provides content to the notion of a “we” as the (metaphorical?) subject of these shared cares and concerns, and as that for whose sake we act.

Solomon (1988) offers a union view as well, though one that tries “to make new sense out of ‘love’ through a literal rather than metaphoric sense of the ‘fusion’ of two souls” (p. 24, cf. Solomon 1981; however, it is unclear exactly what he means by a “soul” here and so how love can be a “literal” fusion of two souls). What Solomon has in mind is the way in which, through love, the lovers redefine their identities as persons in terms of the relationship: “Love is the concentration and the intensive focus of mutual definition on a single individual, subjecting virtually every personal aspect of one’s self to this process” (1988, p. 197). The result is that lovers come to share the interests, roles, virtues, and so on that constitute what formerly was two individual identities but now has become a shared identity, and they do so in part by each allowing the other to play an important role in defining his own identity.

Nozick (1989) offers a union view that differs from those of Scruton, Fisher, and Solomon in that Nozick thinks that what is necessary for love is merely the desire to form a “we,” together with the desire that your beloved reciprocates. Nonetheless, he claims that this “we” is “a new entity in the world…created by a new web of relationships between [the lovers] which makes them no longer separate” (p. 70). In spelling out this web of relationships, Nozick appeals to the lovers “pooling” not only their well-beings, in the sense that the well-being of each is tied up with that of the other, but also their autonomy, in that “each transfers some previous rights to make certain decisions unilaterally into a joint pool” (p. 71). In addition, Nozick claims, the lovers each acquire a new identity as a part of the “we,” a new identity constituted by their (a) wanting to be perceived publicly as a couple, (b) their attending to their pooled well-being, and (c) their accepting a “certain kind of division of labor” (p. 72):

A person in a we might find himself coming across something interesting to read yet leaving it for the other person, not because he himself would not be interested in it but because the other would be more interested, and one of them reading it is sufficient for it to be registered by the wider identity now shared, the we . [ 3 ]

Opponents of the union view have seized on claims like this as excessive: union theorists, they claim, take too literally the ontological commitments of this notion of a “we.” This leads to two specific criticisms of the union view. The first is that union views do away with individual autonomy. Autonomy, it seems, involves a kind of independence on the part of the autonomous agent, such that she is in control over not only what she does but also who she is, as this is constituted by her interests, values, concerns, etc. However, union views, by doing away with a clear distinction between your interests and mine, thereby undermine this sort of independence and so undermine the autonomy of the lovers. If autonomy is a part of the individual’s good, then, on the union view, love is to this extent bad; so much the worse for the union view (Singer 1994; Soble 1997). Moreover, Singer (1994) argues that a necessary part of having your beloved be the object of your love is respect for your beloved as the particular person she is, and this requires respecting her autonomy.

Union theorists have responded to this objection in several ways. Nozick (1989) seems to think of a loss of autonomy in love as a desirable feature of the sort of union lovers can achieve. Fisher (1990), somewhat more reluctantly, claims that the loss of autonomy in love is an acceptable consequence of love. Yet without further argument these claims seem like mere bullet biting. Solomon (1988, pp. 64ff) describes this “tension” between union and autonomy as “the paradox of love.” However, this a view that Soble (1997) derides: merely to call it a paradox, as Solomon does, is not to face up to the problem.

The second criticism involves a substantive view concerning love. Part of what it is to love someone, these opponents say, is to have concern for him for his sake. However, union views make such concern unintelligible and eliminate the possibility of both selfishness and self-sacrifice, for by doing away with the distinction between my interests and your interests they have in effect turned your interests into mine and vice versa (Soble 1997; see also Blum 1980, 1993). Some advocates of union views see this as a point in their favor: we need to explain how it is I can have concern for people other than myself, and the union view apparently does this by understanding your interests to be part of my own. And Delaney, responding to an apparent tension between our desire to be loved unselfishly (for fear of otherwise being exploited) and our desire to be loved for reasons (which presumably are attractive to our lover and hence have a kind of selfish basis), says (1996, p. 346):

Given my view that the romantic ideal is primarily characterized by a desire to achieve a profound consolidation of needs and interests through the formation of a we , I do not think a little selfishness of the sort described should pose a worry to either party.

The objection, however, lies precisely in this attempt to explain my concern for my beloved egoistically. As Whiting (1991, p. 10) puts it, such an attempt “strikes me as unnecessary and potentially objectionable colonization”: in love, I ought to be concerned with my beloved for her sake, and not because I somehow get something out of it. (This can be true whether my concern with my beloved is merely instrumental to my good or whether it is partly constitutive of my good.)

Although Whiting’s and Soble’s criticisms here succeed against the more radical advocates of the union view, they in part fail to acknowledge the kernel of truth to be gleaned from the idea of union. Whiting’s way of formulating the second objection in terms of an unnecessary egoism in part points to a way out: we persons are in part social creatures, and love is one profound mode of that sociality. Indeed, part of the point of union accounts is to make sense of this social dimension: to make sense of a way in which we can sometimes identify ourselves with others not merely in becoming interdependent with them (as Singer 1994, p. 165, suggests, understanding ‘interdependence’ to be a kind of reciprocal benevolence and respect) but rather in making who we are as persons be constituted in part by those we love (cf., e.g., Rorty 1986/1993; Nussbaum 1990).

Along these lines, Friedman (1998), taking her inspiration in part from Delaney (1996), argues that we should understand the sort of union at issue in love to be a kind of federation of selves:

On the federation model, a third unified entity is constituted by the interaction of the lovers, one which involves the lovers acting in concert across a range of conditions and for a range of purposes. This concerted action, however, does not erase the existence of the two lovers as separable and separate agents with continuing possibilities for the exercise of their own respective agencies. [p. 165]

Given that on this view the lovers do not give up their individual identities, there is no principled reason why the union view cannot make sense of the lover’s concern for her beloved for his sake. [ 4 ] Moreover, Friedman argues, once we construe union as federation, we can see that autonomy is not a zero-sum game; rather, love can both directly enhance the autonomy of each and promote the growth of various skills, like realistic and critical self-evaluation, that foster autonomy.

Nonetheless, this federation model is not without its problems—problems that affect other versions of the union view as well. For if the federation (or the “we”, as on Nozick’s view) is understood as a third entity, we need a clearer account than has been given of its ontological status and how it comes to be. Relevant here is the literature on shared intention and plural subjects. Gilbert (1989, 1996, 2000) has argued that we should take quite seriously the existence of a plural subject as an entity over and above its constituent members. Others, such as Tuomela (1984, 1995), Searle (1990), and Bratman (1999) are more cautious, treating such talk of “us” having an intention as metaphorical.

As this criticism of the union view indicates, many find caring about your beloved for her sake to be a part of what it is to love her. The robust concern view of love takes this to be the central and defining feature of love (cf. Taylor 1976; Newton-Smith 1989; Soble 1990, 1997; LaFollette 1996; Frankfurt 1999; White 2001). As Taylor puts it:

To summarize: if x loves y then x wants to benefit and be with y etc., and he has these wants (or at least some of them) because he believes y has some determinate characteristics ψ in virtue of which he thinks it worth while to benefit and be with y . He regards satisfaction of these wants as an end and not as a means towards some other end. [p. 157]

In conceiving of my love for you as constituted by my concern for you for your sake, the robust concern view rejects the idea, central to the union view, that love is to be understood in terms of the (literal or metaphorical) creation of a “we”: I am the one who has this concern for you, though it is nonetheless disinterested and so not egoistic insofar as it is for your sake rather than for my own. [ 5 ]

At the heart of the robust concern view is the idea that love “is neither affective nor cognitive. It is volitional” (Frankfurt 1999, p. 129; see also Martin 2015). Frankfurt continues:

That a person cares about or that he loves something has less to do with how things make him feel, or with his opinions about them, than with the more or less stable motivational structures that shape his preferences and that guide and limit his conduct.

This account analyzes caring about someone for her sake as a matter of being motivated in certain ways, in part as a response to what happens to one’s beloved. Of course, to understand love in terms of desires is not to leave other emotional responses out in the cold, for these emotions should be understood as consequences of desires. Thus, just as I can be emotionally crushed when one of my strong desires is disappointed, so too I can be emotionally crushed when things similarly go badly for my beloved. In this way Frankfurt (1999) tacitly, and White (2001) more explicitly, acknowledge the way in which my caring for my beloved for her sake results in my identity being transformed through her influence insofar as I become vulnerable to things that happen to her.

Not all robust concern theorists seem to accept this line, however; in particular, Taylor (1976) and Soble (1990) seem to have a strongly individualistic conception of persons that prevents my identity being bound up with my beloved in this sort of way, a kind of view that may seem to undermine the intuitive “depth” that love seems to have. (For more on this point, see Rorty 1986/1993.) In the middle is Stump (2006), who follows Aquinas in understanding love to involve not only the desire for your beloved’s well-being but also a desire for a certain kind of relationship with your beloved—as a parent or spouse or sibling or priest or friend, for example—a relationship within which you share yourself with and connect yourself to your beloved. [ 6 ]

One source of worry about the robust concern view is that it involves too passive an understanding of one’s beloved (Ebels-Duggan 2008). The thought is that on the robust concern view the lover merely tries to discover what the beloved’s well-being consists in and then acts to promote that, potentially by thwarting the beloved’s own efforts when the lover thinks those efforts would harm her well-being. This, however, would be disrespectful and demeaning, not the sort of attitude that love is. What robust concern views seem to miss, Ebels-Duggan suggests, is the way love involves interacting agents, each with a capacity for autonomy the recognition and engagement with which is an essential part of love. In response, advocates of the robust concern view might point out that promoting someone’s well-being normally requires promoting her autonomy (though they may maintain that this need not always be true: that paternalism towards a beloved can sometimes be justified and appropriate as an expression of one’s love). Moreover, we might plausibly think, it is only through the exercise of one’s autonomy that one can define one’s own well-being as a person, so that a lover’s failure to respect the beloved’s autonomy would be a failure to promote her well-being and therefore not an expression of love, contrary to what Ebels-Duggan suggests. Consequently, it might seem, robust concern views can counter this objection by offering an enriched conception of what it is to be a person and so of the well-being of persons.

Another source of worry is that the robust concern view offers too thin a conception of love. By emphasizing robust concern, this view understands other features we think characteristic of love, such as one’s emotional responsiveness to one’s beloved, to be the effects of that concern rather than constituents of it. Thus Velleman (1999) argues that robust concern views, by understanding love merely as a matter of aiming at a particular end (viz., the welfare of one’s beloved), understand love to be merely conative. However, he claims, love can have nothing to do with desires, offering as a counterexample the possibility of loving a troublemaking relation whom you do not want to be with, whose well being you do not want to promote, etc. Similarly, Badhwar (2003) argues that such a “teleological” view of love makes it mysterious how “we can continue to love someone long after death has taken him beyond harm or benefit” (p. 46). Moreover Badhwar argues, if love is essentially a desire, then it implies that we lack something; yet love does not imply this and, indeed, can be felt most strongly at times when we feel our lives most complete and lacking in nothing. Consequently, Velleman and Badhwar conclude, love need not involve any desire or concern for the well-being of one’s beloved.

This conclusion, however, seems too hasty, for such examples can be accommodated within the robust concern view. Thus, the concern for your relative in Velleman’s example can be understood to be present but swamped by other, more powerful desires to avoid him. Indeed, keeping the idea that you want to some degree to benefit him, an idea Velleman rejects, seems to be essential to understanding the conceptual tension between loving someone and not wanting to help him, a tension Velleman does not fully acknowledge. Similarly, continued love for someone who has died can be understood on the robust concern view as parasitic on the former love you had for him when he was still alive: your desires to benefit him get transformed, through your subsequent understanding of the impossibility of doing so, into wishes. [ 7 ] Finally, the idea of concern for your beloved’s well-being need not imply the idea that you lack something, for such concern can be understood in terms of the disposition to be vigilant for occasions when you can come to his aid and consequently to have the relevant occurrent desires. All of this seems fully compatible with the robust concern view.

One might also question whether Velleman and Badhwar make proper use of their examples of loving your meddlesome relation or someone who has died. For although we can understand these as genuine cases of love, they are nonetheless deficient cases and ought therefore be understood as parasitic on the standard cases. Readily to accommodate such deficient cases of love into a philosophical analysis as being on a par with paradigm cases, and to do so without some special justification, is dubious.

Nonetheless, the robust concern view as it stands does not seem properly able to account for the intuitive “depth” of love and so does not seem properly to distinguish loving from liking. Although, as noted above, the robust concern view can begin to make some sense of the way in which the lover’s identity is altered by the beloved, it understands this only an effect of love, and not as a central part of what love consists in.

This vague thought is nicely developed by Wonderly (2017), who emphasizes that in addition to the sort of disinterested concern for another that is central to robust-concern accounts of love, an essential part of at least romantic love is the idea that in loving someone I must find them to be not merely important for their own sake but also important to me . Wonderly (2017) fleshes out what this “importance to me” involves in terms of the idea of attachment (developed in Wonderly 2016) that she argues can make sense of the intimacy and depth of love from within what remains fundamentally a robust-concern account. [ 8 ]

4. Love as Valuing

A third kind of view of love understands love to be a distinctive mode of valuing a person. As the distinction between eros and agape in Section 1 indicates, there are at least two ways to construe this in terms of whether the lover values the beloved because she is valuable, or whether the beloved comes to be valuable to the lover as a result of her loving him. The former view, which understands the lover as appraising the value of the beloved in loving him, is the topic of Section 4.1 , whereas the latter view, which understands her as bestowing value on him, will be discussed in Section 4.2 .

Velleman (1999, 2008) offers an appraisal view of love, understanding love to be fundamentally a matter of acknowledging and responding in a distinctive way to the value of the beloved. (For a very different appraisal view of love, see Kolodny 2003.) Understanding this more fully requires understanding both the kind of value of the beloved to which one responds and the distinctive kind of response to such value that love is. Nonetheless, it should be clear that what makes an account be an appraisal view of love is not the mere fact that love is understood to involve appraisal; many other accounts do so, and it is typical of robust concern accounts, for example (cf. the quote from Taylor above , Section 3 ). Rather, appraisal views are distinctive in understanding love to consist in that appraisal.

In articulating the kind of value love involves, Velleman, following Kant, distinguishes dignity from price. To have a price , as the economic metaphor suggests, is to have a value that can be compared to the value of other things with prices, such that it is intelligible to exchange without loss items of the same value. By contrast, to have dignity is to have a value such that comparisons of relative value become meaningless. Material goods are normally understood to have prices, but we persons have dignity: no substitution of one person for another can preserve exactly the same value, for something of incomparable worth would be lost (and gained) in such a substitution.

On this Kantian view, our dignity as persons consists in our rational nature: our capacity both to be actuated by reasons that we autonomously provide ourselves in setting our own ends and to respond appropriately to the intrinsic values we discover in the world. Consequently, one important way in which we exercise our rational natures is to respond with respect to the dignity of other persons (a dignity that consists in part in their capacity for respect): respect just is the required minimal response to the dignity of persons. What makes a response to a person be that of respect, Velleman claims, still following Kant, is that it “arrests our self-love” and thereby prevents us from treating him as a means to our ends (p. 360).

Given this, Velleman claims that love is similarly a response to the dignity of persons, and as such it is the dignity of the object of our love that justifies that love. However, love and respect are different kinds of responses to the same value. For love arrests not our self-love but rather

our tendencies toward emotional self-protection from another person, tendencies to draw ourselves in and close ourselves off from being affected by him. Love disarms our emotional defenses; it makes us vulnerable to the other. [1999, p. 361]

This means that the concern, attraction, sympathy, etc. that we normally associate with love are not constituents of love but are rather its normal effects, and love can remain without them (as in the case of the love for a meddlesome relative one cannot stand being around). Moreover, this provides Velleman with a clear account of the intuitive “depth” of love: it is essentially a response to persons as such, and to say that you love your dog is therefore to be confused.

Of course, we do not respond with love to the dignity of every person we meet, nor are we somehow required to: love, as the disarming of our emotional defenses in a way that makes us especially vulnerable to another, is the optional maximal response to others’ dignity. What, then, explains the selectivity of love—why I love some people and not others? The answer lies in the contingent fit between the way some people behaviorally express their dignity as persons and the way I happen to respond to those expressions by becoming emotionally vulnerable to them. The right sort of fit makes someone “lovable” by me (1999, p. 372), and my responding with love in these cases is a matter of my “really seeing” this person in a way that I fail to do with others who do not fit with me in this way. By ‘lovable’ here Velleman seems to mean able to be loved, not worthy of being loved, for nothing Velleman says here speaks to a question about the justification of my loving this person rather than that. Rather, what he offers is an explanation of the selectivity of my love, an explanation that as a matter of fact makes my response be that of love rather than mere respect.

This understanding of the selectivity of love as something that can be explained but not justified is potentially troubling. For we ordinarily think we can justify not only my loving you rather than someone else but also and more importantly the constancy of my love: my continuing to love you even as you change in certain fundamental ways (but not others). As Delaney (1996, p. 347) puts the worry about constancy:

while you seem to want it to be true that, were you to become a schmuck, your lover would continue to love you,…you also want it to be the case that your lover would never love a schmuck.

The issue here is not merely that we can offer explanations of the selectivity of my love, of why I do not love schmucks; rather, at issue is the discernment of love, of loving and continuing to love for good reasons as well as of ceasing to love for good reasons. To have these good reasons seems to involve attributing different values to you now rather than formerly or rather than to someone else, yet this is precisely what Velleman denies is the case in making the distinction between love and respect the way he does.

It is also questionable whether Velleman can even explain the selectivity of love in terms of the “fit” between your expressions and my sensitivities. For the relevant sensitivities on my part are emotional sensitivities: the lowering of my emotional defenses and so becoming emotionally vulnerable to you. Thus, I become vulnerable to the harms (or goods) that befall you and so sympathetically feel your pain (or joy). Such emotions are themselves assessable for warrant, and now we can ask why my disappointment that you lost the race is warranted, but my being disappointed that a mere stranger lost would not be warranted. The intuitive answer is that I love you but not him. However, this answer is unavailable to Velleman, because he thinks that what makes my response to your dignity that of love rather than respect is precisely that I feel such emotions, and to appeal to my love in explaining the emotions therefore seems viciously circular.

Although these problems are specific to Velleman’s account, the difficulty can be generalized to any appraisal account of love (such as that offered in Kolodny 2003). For if love is an appraisal, it needs to be distinguished from other forms of appraisal, including our evaluative judgments. On the one hand, to try to distinguish love as an appraisal from other appraisals in terms of love’s having certain effects on our emotional and motivational life (as on Velleman’s account) is unsatisfying because it ignores part of what needs to be explained: why the appraisal of love has these effects and yet judgments with the same evaluative content do not. Indeed, this question is crucial if we are to understand the intuitive “depth” of love, for without an answer to this question we do not understand why love should have the kind of centrality in our lives it manifestly does. [ 9 ] On the other hand, to bundle this emotional component into the appraisal itself would be to turn the view into either the robust concern view ( Section 3 ) or a variant of the emotion view ( Section 5.1 ).

In contrast to Velleman, Singer (1991, 1994, 2009) understands love to be fundamentally a matter of bestowing value on the beloved. To bestow value on another is to project a kind of intrinsic value onto him. Indeed, this fact about love is supposed to distinguish love from liking: “Love is an attitude with no clear objective,” whereas liking is inherently teleological (1991, p. 272). As such, there are no standards of correctness for bestowing such value, and this is how love differs from other personal attitudes like gratitude, generosity, and condescension: “love…confers importance no matter what the object is worth” (p. 273). Consequently, Singer thinks, love is not an attitude that can be justified in any way.

What is it, exactly, to bestow this kind of value on someone? It is, Singer says, a kind of attachment and commitment to the beloved, in which one comes to treat him as an end in himself and so to respond to his ends, interests, concerns, etc. as having value for their own sake. This means in part that the bestowal of value reveals itself “by caring about the needs and interests of the beloved, by wishing to benefit or protect her, by delighting in her achievements,” etc. (p. 270). This sounds very much like the robust concern view, yet the bestowal view differs in understanding such robust concern to be the effect of the bestowal of value that is love rather than itself what constitutes love: in bestowing value on my beloved, I make him be valuable in such a way that I ought to respond with robust concern.

For it to be intelligible that I have bestowed value on someone, I must therefore respond appropriately to him as valuable, and this requires having some sense of what his well-being is and of what affects that well-being positively or negatively. Yet having this sense requires in turn knowing what his strengths and deficiencies are, and this is a matter of appraising him in various ways. Bestowal thus presupposes a kind of appraisal, as a way of “really seeing” the beloved and attending to him. Nonetheless, Singer claims, it is the bestowal that is primary for understanding what love consists in: the appraisal is required only so that the commitment to one’s beloved and his value as thus bestowed has practical import and is not “a blind submission to some unknown being” (1991, p. 272; see also Singer 1994, pp. 139ff).

Singer is walking a tightrope in trying to make room for appraisal in his account of love. Insofar as the account is fundamentally a bestowal account, Singer claims that love cannot be justified, that we bestow the relevant kind of value “gratuitously.” This suggests that love is blind, that it does not matter what our beloved is like, which seems patently false. Singer tries to avoid this conclusion by appealing to the role of appraisal: it is only because we appraise another as having certain virtues and vices that we come to bestow value on him. Yet the “because” here, since it cannot justify the bestowal, is at best a kind of contingent causal explanation. [ 10 ] In this respect, Singer’s account of the selectivity of love is much the same as Velleman’s, and it is liable to the same criticism: it makes unintelligible the way in which our love can be discerning for better or worse reasons. Indeed, this failure to make sense of the idea that love can be justified is a problem for any bestowal view. For either (a) a bestowal itself cannot be justified (as on Singer’s account), in which case the justification of love is impossible, or (b) a bestowal can be justified, in which case it is hard to make sense of value as being bestowed rather than there antecedently in the object as the grounds of that “bestowal.”

More generally, a proponent of the bestowal view needs to be much clearer than Singer is in articulating precisely what a bestowal is. What is the value that I create in a bestowal, and how can my bestowal create it? On a crude Humean view, the answer might be that the value is something projected onto the world through my pro-attitudes, like desire. Yet such a view would be inadequate, since the projected value, being relative to a particular individual, would do no theoretical work, and the account would essentially be a variant of the robust concern view. Moreover, in providing a bestowal account of love, care is needed to distinguish love from other personal attitudes such as admiration and respect: do these other attitudes involve bestowal? If so, how does the bestowal in these cases differ from the bestowal of love? If not, why not, and what is so special about love that requires a fundamentally different evaluative attitude than admiration and respect?

Nonetheless, there is a kernel of truth in the bestowal view: there is surely something right about the idea that love is creative and not merely a response to antecedent value, and accounts of love that understand the kind of evaluation implicit in love merely in terms of appraisal seem to be missing something. Precisely what may be missed will be discussed below in Section 6 .

Perhaps there is room for an understanding of love and its relation to value that is intermediate between appraisal and bestowal accounts. After all, if we think of appraisal as something like perception, a matter of responding to what is out there in the world, and of bestowal as something like action, a matter of doing something and creating something, we should recognize that the responsiveness central to appraisal may itself depend on our active, creative choices. Thus, just as we must recognize that ordinary perception depends on our actively directing our attention and deploying concepts, interpretations, and even arguments in order to perceive things accurately, so too we might think our vision of our beloved’s valuable properties that is love also depends on our actively attending to and interpreting him. Something like this is Jollimore’s view (2011). According to Jollimore, in loving someone we actively attend to his valuable properties in a way that we take to provide us with reasons to treat him preferentially. Although we may acknowledge that others might have such properties even to a greater degree than our beloved does, we do not attend to and appreciate such properties in others in the same way we do those in our beloveds; indeed, we find our appreciation of our beloved’s valuable properties to “silence” our similar appreciation of those in others. (In this way, Jollimore thinks, we can solve the problem of fungibility, discussed below in Section 6 .) Likewise, in perceiving our beloved’s actions and character, we do so through the lens of such an appreciation, which will tend as to “silence” interpretations inconsistent with that appreciation. In this way, love involves finding one’s beloved to be valuable in a way that involves elements of both appraisal (insofar as one must thereby be responsive to valuable properties one’s beloved really has) and bestowal (insofar as through one’s attention and committed appreciation of these properties they come to have special significance for one).

One might object that this conception of love as silencing the special value of others or to negative interpretations of our beloveds is irrational in a way that love is not. For, it might seem, such “silencing” is merely a matter of our blinding ourselves to how things really are. Yet Jollimore claims that this sense in which love is blind is not objectionable, for (a) we can still intellectually recognize the things that love’s vision silences, and (b) there really is no impartial perspective we can take on the values things have, and love is one appropriate sort of partial perspective from which the value of persons can be manifest. Nonetheless, one might wonder about whether that perspective of love itself can be distorted and what the norms are in terms of which such distortions are intelligible. Furthermore, it may seem that Jollimore’s attempt to reconcile appraisal and bestowal fails to appreciate the underlying metaphysical difficulty: appraisal is a response to value that is antecedently there, whereas bestowal is the creation of value that was not antecedently there. Consequently, it might seem, appraisal and bestowal are mutually exclusive and cannot be reconciled in the way Jollimore hopes.

Whereas Jollimore tries to combine separate elements of appraisal and of bestowal in a single account, Helm (2010) and Bagley (2015) offer accounts that reject the metaphysical presupposition that values must be either prior to love (as with appraisal) or posterior to love (as with bestowal), instead understanding the love and the values to emerge simultaneously. Thus, Helm presents a detailed account of valuing in terms of the emotions, arguing that while we can understand individual emotions as appraisals , responding to values already their in their objects, these values are bestowed on those objects via broad, holistic patterns of emotions. How this amounts to an account of love will be discussed in Section 5.2 , below. Bagley (2015) instead appeals to a metaphor of improvisation, arguing that just as jazz musicians jointly make determinate the content of their musical ideas through on-going processes of their expression, so too lovers jointly engage in “deep improvisation”, thereby working out of their values and identities through the on-going process of living their lives together. These values are thus something the lovers jointly construct through the process of recognizing and responding to those very values. To love someone is thus to engage with them as partners in such “deep improvisation”. (This account is similar to Helm (2008, 2010)’s account of plural agency, which he uses to provide an account of friendship and other loving relationships; see the discussion of shared activity in the entry on friendship .)

5. Emotion Views

Given these problems with the accounts of love as valuing, perhaps we should turn to the emotions. For emotions just are responses to objects that combine evaluation, motivation, and a kind of phenomenology, all central features of the attitude of love.

Many accounts of love claim that it is an emotion; these include: Wollheim 1984, Rorty 1986/1993, Brown 1987, Hamlyn 1989, Baier 1991, and Badhwar 2003. [ 11 ] Thus, Hamlyn (1989, p. 219) says:

It would not be a plausible move to defend any theory of the emotions to which love and hate seemed exceptions by saying that love and hate are after all not emotions. I have heard this said, but it does seem to me a desperate move to make. If love and hate are not emotions what is?

The difficulty with this claim, as Rorty (1980) argues, is that the word, ‘emotion,’ does not seem to pick out a homogeneous collection of mental states, and so various theories claiming that love is an emotion mean very different things. Consequently, what are here labeled “emotion views” are divided into those that understand love to be a particular kind of evaluative-cum-motivational response to an object, whether that response is merely occurrent or dispositional (‘emotions proper,’ see Section 5.1 , below), and those that understand love to involve a collection of related and interconnected emotions proper (‘emotion complexes,’ see Section 5.2 , below).

An emotion proper is a kind of “evaluative-cum-motivational response to an object”; what does this mean? Emotions are generally understood to have several objects. The target of an emotion is that at which the emotion is directed: if I am afraid or angry at you, then you are the target. In responding to you with fear or anger, I am implicitly evaluating you in a particular way, and this evaluation—called the formal object —is the kind of evaluation of the target that is distinctive of a particular emotion type. Thus, in fearing you, I implicitly evaluate you as somehow dangerous, whereas in being angry at you I implicitly evaluate you as somehow offensive. Yet emotions are not merely evaluations of their targets; they in part motivate us to behave in certain ways, both rationally (by motivating action to avoid the danger) and arationally (via certain characteristic expressions, such as slamming a door out of anger). Moreover, emotions are generally understood to involve a phenomenological component, though just how to understand the characteristic “feel” of an emotion and its relation to the evaluation and motivation is hotly disputed. Finally, emotions are typically understood to be passions: responses that we feel imposed on us as if from the outside, rather than anything we actively do. (For more on the philosophy of emotions, see entry on emotion .)

What then are we saying when we say that love is an emotion proper? According to Brown (1987, p. 14), emotions as occurrent mental states are “abnormal bodily changes caused by the agent’s evaluation or appraisal of some object or situation that the agent believes to be of concern to him or her.” He spells this out by saying that in love, we “cherish” the person for having “a particular complex of instantiated qualities” that is “open-ended” so that we can continue to love the person even as she changes over time (pp. 106–7). These qualities, which include historical and relational qualities, are evaluated in love as worthwhile. [ 12 ] All of this seems aimed at spelling out what love’s formal object is, a task that is fundamental to understanding love as an emotion proper. Thus, Brown seems to say that love’s formal object is just being worthwhile (or, given his examples, perhaps: worthwhile as a person), and he resists being any more specific than this in order to preserve the open-endedness of love. Hamlyn (1989) offers a similar account, saying (p. 228):

With love the difficulty is to find anything of this kind [i.e., a formal object] which is uniquely appropriate to love. My thesis is that there is nothing of this kind that must be so, and that this differentiates it and hate from the other emotions.

Hamlyn goes on to suggest that love and hate might be primordial emotions, a kind of positive or negative “feeling towards,” presupposed by all other emotions. [ 13 ]

The trouble with these accounts of love as an emotion proper is that they provide too thin a conception of love. In Hamlyn’s case, love is conceived as a fairly generic pro-attitude, rather than as the specific kind of distinctively personal attitude discussed here. In Brown’s case, spelling out the formal object of love as simply being worthwhile (as a person) fails to distinguish love from other evaluative responses like admiration and respect. Part of the problem seems to be the rather simple account of what an emotion is that Brown and Hamlyn use as their starting point: if love is an emotion, then the understanding of what an emotion is must be enriched considerably to accommodate love. Yet it is not at all clear whether the idea of an “emotion proper” can be adequately enriched so as to do so. As Pismenny & Prinz (2017) point out, love seems to be too varied both in its ground and in the sort of experience it involves to be capturable by a single emotion.

The emotion complex view, which understands love to be a complex emotional attitude towards another person, may initially seem to hold out great promise to overcome the problems of alternative types of views. By articulating the emotional interconnections between persons, it could offer a satisfying account of the “depth” of love without the excesses of the union view and without the overly narrow teleological focus of the robust concern view; and because these emotional interconnections are themselves evaluations, it could offer an understanding of love as simultaneously evaluative, without needing to specify a single formal object of love. However, the devil is in the details.

Rorty (1986/1993) does not try to present a complete account of love; rather, she focuses on the idea that “relational psychological attitudes” which, like love, essentially involve emotional and desiderative responses, exhibit historicity : “they arise from, and are shaped by, dynamic interactions between a subject and an object” (p. 73). In part this means that what makes an attitude be one of love is not the presence of a state that we can point to at a particular time within the lover; rather, love is to be “identified by a characteristic narrative history” (p. 75). Moreover, Rorty argues, the historicity of love involves the lover’s being permanently transformed by loving who he does.

Baier (1991), seeming to pick up on this understanding of love as exhibiting historicity, says (p. 444):

Love is not just an emotion people feel toward other people, but also a complex tying together of the emotions that two or a few more people have; it is a special form of emotional interdependence.

To a certain extent, such emotional interdependence involves feeling sympathetic emotions, so that, for example, I feel disappointed and frustrated on behalf of my beloved when she fails, and joyful when she succeeds. However, Baier insists, love is “more than just the duplication of the emotion of each in a sympathetic echo in the other” (p. 442); the emotional interdependence of the lovers involves also appropriate follow-up responses to the emotional predicaments of your beloved. Two examples Baier gives (pp. 443–44) are a feeling of “mischievous delight” at your beloved’s temporary bafflement, and amusement at her embarrassment. The idea is that in a loving relationship your beloved gives you permission to feel such emotions when no one else is permitted to do so, and a condition of her granting you that permission is that you feel these emotions “tenderly.” Moreover, you ought to respond emotionally to your beloved’s emotional responses to you: by feeling hurt when she is indifferent to you, for example. All of these foster the sort of emotional interdependence Baier is after—a kind of intimacy you have with your beloved.

Badhwar (2003, p. 46) similarly understands love to be a matter of “one’s overall emotional orientation towards a person—the complex of perceptions, thoughts, and feelings”; as such, love is a matter of having a certain “character structure.” Central to this complex emotional orientation, Badhwar thinks, is what she calls the “look of love”: “an ongoing [emotional] affirmation of the loved object as worthy of existence…for her own sake” (p. 44), an affirmation that involves taking pleasure in your beloved’s well-being. Moreover, Badhwar claims, the look of love also provides to the beloved reliable testimony concerning the quality of the beloved’s character and actions (p. 57).

There is surely something very right about the idea that love, as an attitude central to deeply personal relationships, should not be understood as a state that can simply come and go. Rather, as the emotion complex view insists, the complexity of love is to be found in the historical patterns of one’s emotional responsiveness to one’s beloved—a pattern that also projects into the future. Indeed, as suggested above, the kind of emotional interdependence that results from this complex pattern can seem to account for the intuitive “depth” of love as fully interwoven into one’s emotional sense of oneself. And it seems to make some headway in understanding the complex phenomenology of love: love can at times be a matter of intense pleasure in the presence of one’s beloved, yet it can at other times involve frustration, exasperation, anger, and hurt as a manifestation of the complexities and depth of the relationships it fosters.

This understanding of love as constituted by a history of emotional interdependence enables emotion complex views to say something interesting about the impact love has on the lover’s identity. This is partly Rorty’s point (1986/1993) in her discussion of the historicity of love ( above ). Thus, she argues, one important feature of such historicity is that love is “ dynamically permeable ” in that the lover is continually “changed by loving” such that these changes “tend to ramify through a person’s character” (p. 77). Through such dynamic permeability, love transforms the identity of the lover in a way that can sometimes foster the continuity of the love, as each lover continually changes in response to the changes in the other. [ 14 ] Indeed, Rorty concludes, love should be understood in terms of “a characteristic narrative history” (p. 75) that results from such dynamic permeability. It should be clear, however, that the mere fact of dynamic permeability need not result in the love’s continuing: nothing about the dynamics of a relationship requires that the characteristic narrative history project into the future, and such permeability can therefore lead to the dissolution of the love. Love is therefore risky—indeed, all the more risky because of the way the identity of the lover is defined in part through the love. The loss of a love can therefore make one feel no longer oneself in ways poignantly described by Nussbaum (1990).

By focusing on such emotionally complex histories, emotion complex views differ from most alternative accounts of love. For alternative accounts tend to view love as a kind of attitude we take toward our beloveds, something we can analyze simply in terms of our mental state at the moment. [ 15 ] By ignoring this historical dimension of love in providing an account of what love is, alternative accounts have a hard time providing either satisfying accounts of the sense in which our identities as person are at stake in loving another or satisfactory solutions to problems concerning how love is to be justified (cf. Section 6 , especially the discussion of fungibility ).

Nonetheless, some questions remain. If love is to be understood as an emotion complex, we need a much more explicit account of the pattern at issue here: what ties all of these emotional responses together into a single thing, namely love? Baier and Badhwar seem content to provide interesting and insightful examples of this pattern, but that does not seem to be enough. For example, what connects my amusement at my beloved’s embarrassment to other emotions like my joy on his behalf when he succeeds? Why shouldn’t my amusement at his embarrassment be understood instead as a somewhat cruel case of schadenfreude and so as antithetical to, and disconnected from, love? Moreover, as Naar (2013) notes, we need a principled account of when such historical patterns are disrupted in such a way as to end the love and when they are not. Do I stop loving when, in the midst of clinical depression, I lose my normal pattern of emotional concern?

Presumably the answer requires returning to the historicity of love: it all depends on the historical details of the relationship my beloved and I have forged. Some loves develop so that the intimacy within the relationship is such as to allow for tender, teasing responses to each other, whereas other loves may not. The historical details, together with the lovers’ understanding of their relationship, presumably determine which emotional responses belong to the pattern constitutive of love and which do not. However, this answer so far is inadequate: not just any historical relationship involving emotional interdependence is a loving relationship, and we need a principled way of distinguishing loving relationships from other relational evaluative attitudes: precisely what is the characteristic narrative history that is characteristic of love?

Helm (2009, 2010) tries to answer some of these questions in presenting an account of love as intimate identification. To love another, Helm claims, is to care about him as the particular person he is and so, other things being equal, to value the things he values. Insofar as a person’s (structured) set of values—his sense of the kind of life worth his living—constitutes his identity as a person, such sharing of values amounts to sharing his identity, which sounds very much like union accounts of love. However, Helm is careful to understand such sharing of values as for the sake of the beloved (as robust concern accounts insist), and he spells this all out in terms of patterns of emotions. Thus, Helm claims, all emotions have not only a target and a formal object (as indicated above), but also a focus : a background object the subject cares about in terms of which the implicit evaluation of the target is made intelligible. (For example, if I am afraid of the approaching hailstorm, I thereby evaluate it as dangerous, and what explains this evaluation is the way that hailstorm bears on my vegetable garden, which I care about; my garden, therefore, is the focus of my fear.) Moreover, emotions normally come in patterns with a common focus: fearing the hailstorm is normally connected to other emotions as being relieved when it passes by harmlessly (or disappointed or sad when it does not), being angry at the rabbits for killing the spinach, delighted at the productivity of the tomato plants, etc. Helm argues that a projectible pattern of such emotions with a common focus constitute caring about that focus. Consequently, we might say along the lines of Section 4.3 , while particular emotions appraise events in the world as having certain evaluative properties, their having these properties is partly bestowed on them by the overall patterns of emotions.

Helm identifies some emotions as person-focused emotions : emotions like pride and shame that essentially take persons as their focuses, for these emotions implicitly evaluate in terms of the target’s bearing on the quality of life of the person that is their focus. To exhibit a pattern of such emotions focused on oneself and subfocused on being a mother, for example, is to care about the place being a mother has in the kind of life you find worth living—in your identity as a person; to care in this way is to value being a mother as a part of your concern for your own identity. Likewise, to exhibit a projectible pattern of such emotions focused on someone else and subfocused on his being a father is to value this as a part of your concern for his identity—to value it for his sake. Such sharing of another’s values for his sake, which, Helm argues, essentially involves trust, respect, and affection, amounts to intimate identification with him, and such intimate identification just is love. Thus, Helm tries to provide an account of love that is grounded in an explicit account of caring (and caring about something for the sake of someone else) that makes room for the intuitive “depth” of love through intimate identification.

Jaworska & Wonderly (2017) argue that Helm’s construal of intimacy as intimate identification is too demanding. Rather, they argue, the sort of intimacy that distinguishes love from mere caring is one that involves a kind of emotional vulnerability in which things going well or poorly for one’s beloved are directly connected not merely to one’s well-being, but to one’s ability to flourish. This connection, they argue, runs through the lover’s self-understanding and the place the beloved has in the lover’s sense of a meaningful life.

Why do we love? It has been suggested above that any account of love needs to be able to answer some such justificatory question. Although the issue of the justification of love is important on its own, it is also important for the implications it has for understanding more clearly the precise object of love: how can we make sense of the intuitions not only that we love the individuals themselves rather than their properties, but also that my beloved is not fungible—that no one could simply take her place without loss. Different theories approach these questions in different ways, but, as will become clear below, the question of justification is primary.

One way to understand the question of why we love is as asking for what the value of love is: what do we get out of it? One kind of answer, which has its roots in Aristotle, is that having loving relationships promotes self-knowledge insofar as your beloved acts as a kind of mirror, reflecting your character back to you (Badhwar, 2003, p. 58). Of course, this answer presupposes that we cannot accurately know ourselves in other ways: that left alone, our sense of ourselves will be too imperfect, too biased, to help us grow and mature as persons. The metaphor of a mirror also suggests that our beloveds will be in the relevant respects similar to us, so that merely by observing them, we can come to know ourselves better in a way that is, if not free from bias, at least more objective than otherwise.

Brink (1999, pp. 264–65) argues that there are serious limits to the value of such mirroring of one’s self in a beloved. For if the aim is not just to know yourself better but to improve yourself, you ought also to interact with others who are not just like yourself: interacting with such diverse others can help you recognize alternative possibilities for how to live and so better assess the relative merits of these possibilities. Whiting (2013) also emphasizes the importance of our beloveds’ having an independent voice capable of reflecting not who one now is but an ideal for who one is to be. Nonetheless, we need not take the metaphor of the mirror quite so literally; rather, our beloveds can reflect our selves not through their inherent similarity to us but rather through the interpretations they offer of us, both explicitly and implicitly in their responses to us. This is what Badhwar calls the “epistemic significance” of love. [ 16 ]

In addition to this epistemic significance of love, LaFollette (1996, Chapter 5) offers several other reasons why it is good to love, reasons derived in part from the psychological literature on love: love increases our sense of well-being, it elevates our sense of self-worth, and it serves to develop our character. It also, we might add, tends to lower stress and blood pressure and to increase health and longevity. Friedman (1993) argues that the kind of partiality towards our beloveds that love involves is itself morally valuable because it supports relationships—loving relationships—that contribute “to human well-being, integrity, and fulfillment in life” (p. 61). And Solomon (1988, p. 155) claims:

Ultimately, there is only one reason for love. That one grand reason…is “because we bring out the best in each other.” What counts as “the best,” of course, is subject to much individual variation.

This is because, Solomon suggests, in loving someone, I want myself to be better so as to be worthy of his love for me.

Each of these answers to the question of why we love understands it to be asking about love quite generally, abstracted away from details of particular relationships. It is also possible to understand the question as asking about particular loves. Here, there are several questions that are relevant:

• What, if anything, justifies my loving rather than not loving this particular person?
• What, if anything, justifies my coming to love this particular person rather than someone else?
• What, if anything, justifies my continuing to love this particular person given the changes—both in him and me and in the overall circumstances—that have occurred since I began loving him?

These are importantly different questions. Velleman (1999), for example, thinks we can answer (1) by appealing to the fact that my beloved is a person and so has a rational nature, yet he thinks (2) and (3) have no answers: the best we can do is offer causal explanations for our loving particular people, a position echoed by Han (2021). Setiya (2014) similarly thinks (1) has an answer, but points not to the rational nature of persons but rather to the other’s humanity , where such humanity differs from personhood in that not all humans need have the requisite rational nature for personhood, and not all persons need be humans. And, as will become clear below , the distinction between (2) and (3) will become important in resolving puzzles concerning whether our beloveds are fungible, though it should be clear that (3) potentially raises questions concerning personal identity (which will not be addressed here).

It is important not to misconstrue these justificatory questions. Thomas (1991) , for example, rejects the idea that love can be justified: “there are no rational considerations whereby anyone can lay claim to another’s love or insist that an individual’s love for another is irrational” (p. 474). This is because, Thomas claims (p. 471):

no matter how wonderful and lovely an individual might be, on any and all accounts, it is simply false that a romantically unencumbered person must love that individual on pain of being irrational. Or, there is no irrationality involved in ceasing to love a person whom one once loved immensely, although the person has not changed.

However, as LaFollette (1996, p. 63) correctly points out,

reason is not some external power which dictates how we should behave, but an internal power, integral to who we are.… Reason does not command that we love anyone. Nonetheless, reason is vital in determining whom we love and why we love them.

That is, reasons for love are pro tanto : they are a part of the overall reasons we have for acting, and it is up to us in exercising our capacity for agency to decide what on balance we have reason to do or even whether we shall act contrary to our reasons. To construe the notion of a reason for love as compelling us to love, as Thomas does, is to misconstrue the place such reasons have within our agency. [ 17 ]

Most philosophical discussions of the justification of love focus on question (1) , thinking that answering this question will also, to the extent that we can, answer question (2) , which is typically not distinguished from (3) . The answers given to these questions vary in a way that turns on how the kind of evaluation implicit in love is construed. On the one hand, those who understand the evaluation implicit in love to be a matter of the bestowal of value (such as Telfer 1970–71; Friedman 1993; Singer 1994) typically claim that no justification can be given (cf. Section 4.2 ). As indicated above, this seems problematic, especially given the importance love can have both in our lives and, especially, in shaping our identities as persons. To reject the idea that we can love for reasons may reduce the impact our agency can have in defining who we are.

On the other hand, those who understand the evaluation implicit in love to be a matter of appraisal tend to answer the justificatory question by appeal to these valuable properties of the beloved. This acceptance of the idea that love can be justified leads to two further, related worries about the object of love.

The first worry is raised by Vlastos (1981) in a discussion Plato’s and Aristotle’s accounts of love. Vlastos notes that these accounts focus on the properties of our beloveds: we are to love people, they say, only because and insofar as they are objectifications of the excellences. Consequently, he argues, in doing so they fail to distinguish “ disinterested affection for the person we love” from “ appreciation of the excellences instantiated by that person ” (p. 33). That is, Vlastos thinks that Plato and Aristotle provide an account of love that is really a love of properties rather than a love of persons—love of a type of person, rather than love of a particular person—thereby losing what is distinctive about love as an essentially personal attitude. This worry about Plato and Aristotle might seem to apply just as well to other accounts that justify love in terms of the properties of the person: insofar as we love the person for the sake of her properties, it might seem that what we love is those properties and not the person. Here it is surely insufficient to say, as Solomon (1988, p. 154) does, “if love has its reasons, then it is not the whole person that one loves but certain aspects of that person—though the rest of the person comes along too, of course”: that final tagline fails to address the central difficulty about what the object of love is and so about love as a distinctly personal attitude. (Clausen 2019 might seem to address this worry by arguing that we love people not as having certain properties but rather as having “ organic unities ”: a holistic set of properties the value of each of which must be understood in essential part in terms of its place within that whole. Nonetheless, while this is an interesting and plausible way to think about the value of the properties of persons, that organic unity itself will be a (holistic) property held by the person, and it seems that the fundamental problem reemerges at the level of this holistic property: do we love the holistic unity rather than the person?)

The second worry concerns the fungibility of the object of love. To be fungible is to be replaceable by another relevantly similar object without any loss of value. Thus, money is fungible: I can give you two $5 bills in exchange for a $10 bill, and neither of us has lost anything. Is the object of love fungible? That is, can I simply switch from loving one person to loving another relevantly similar person without any loss? The worry about fungibility is commonly put this way: if we accept that love can be justified by appealing to properties of the beloved, then it may seem that in loving someone for certain reasons, I love him not simply as the individual he is, but as instantiating those properties. And this may imply that any other person instantiating those same properties would do just as well: my beloved would be fungible. Indeed, it may be that another person exhibits the properties that ground my love to a greater degree than my current beloved does, and so it may seem that in such a case I have reason to “trade up”—to switch my love to the new, better person. However, it seems clear that the objects of our loves are not fungible: love seems to involve a deeply personal commitment to a particular person, a commitment that is antithetical to the idea that our beloveds are fungible or to the idea that we ought to be willing to trade up when possible. [ 18 ]

In responding to these worries, Nozick (1989) appeals to the union view of love he endorses (see the section on Love as Union ):

The intention in love is to form a we and to identify with it as an extended self, to identify one’s fortunes in large part with its fortunes. A willingness to trade up, to destroy the very we you largely identify with, would then be a willingness to destroy your self in the form of your own extended self. [p. 78]

So it is because love involves forming a “we” that we must understand other persons and not properties to be the objects of love, and it is because my very identity as a person depends essentially on that “we” that it is not possible to substitute without loss one object of my love for another. However, Badhwar (2003) criticizes Nozick, saying that his response implies that once I love someone, I cannot abandon that love no matter who that person becomes; this, she says, “cannot be understood as love at all rather than addiction” (p. 61). [ 19 ]

Instead, Badhwar (1987) turns to her robust-concern account of love as a concern for the beloved for his sake rather than one’s own. Insofar as my love is disinterested — not a means to antecedent ends of my own—it would be senseless to think that my beloved could be replaced by someone who is able to satisfy my ends equally well or better. Consequently, my beloved is in this way irreplaceable. However, this is only a partial response to the worry about fungibility, as Badhwar herself seems to acknowledge. For the concern over fungibility arises not merely for those cases in which we think of love as justified instrumentally, but also for those cases in which the love is justified by the intrinsic value of the properties of my beloved. Confronted with cases like this, Badhwar (2003) concludes that the object of love is fungible after all (though she insists that it is very unlikely in practice). (Soble (1990, Chapter 13) draws similar conclusions.)

Nonetheless, Badhwar thinks that the object of love is “phenomenologically non-fungible” (2003, p. 63; see also 1987, p. 14). By this she means that we experience our beloveds to be irreplaceable: “loving and delighting in [one person] are not completely commensurate with loving and delighting in another” (1987, p. 14). Love can be such that we sometimes desire to be with this particular person whom we love, not another whom we also love, for our loves are qualitatively different. But why is this? It seems as though the typical reason I now want to spend time with Amy rather than Bob is, for example, that Amy is funny but Bob is not. I love Amy in part for her humor, and I love Bob for other reasons, and these qualitative differences between them is what makes them not fungible. However, this reply does not address the worry about the possibility of trading up: if Bob were to be at least as funny (charming, kind, etc.) as Amy, why shouldn’t I dump her and spend all my time with him?

A somewhat different approach is taken by Whiting (1991). In response to the first worry concerning the object of love, Whiting argues that Vlastos offers a false dichotomy: having affection for someone that is disinterested —for her sake rather than my own—essentially involves an appreciation of her excellences as such. Indeed, Whiting says, my appreciation of these as excellences, and so the underlying commitment I have to their value, just is a disinterested commitment to her because these excellences constitute her identity as the person she is. The person, therefore, really is the object of love. Delaney (1996) takes the complementary tack of distinguishing between the object of one’s love, which of course is the person, and the grounds of the love, which are her properties: to say, as Solomon does, that we love someone for reasons is not at all to say that we only love certain aspects of the person. In these terms, we might say that Whiting’s rejection of Vlastos’ dichotomy can be read as saying that what makes my attitude be one of disinterested affection—one of love—for the person is precisely that I am thereby responding to her excellences as the reasons for that affection. [ 20 ]

Of course, more needs to be said about what it is that makes a particular person be the object of love. Implicit in Whiting’s account is an understanding of the way in which the object of my love is determined in part by the history of interactions I have with her: it is she, and not merely her properties (which might be instantiated in many different people), that I want to be with; it is she, and not merely her properties, on whose behalf I am concerned when she suffers and whom I seek to comfort; etc. This addresses the first worry, but not the second worry about fungibility, for the question still remains whether she is the object of my love only as instantiating certain properties, and so whether or not I have reason to “trade up.”

To respond to the fungibility worry, Whiting and Delaney appeal explicitly to the historical relationship. [ 21 ] Thus, Whiting claims, although there may be a relatively large pool of people who have the kind of excellences of character that would justify my loving them, and so although there can be no answer to question (2) about why I come to love this rather than that person within this pool, once I have come to love this person and so have developed a historical relation with her, this history of concern justifies my continuing to love this person rather than someone else (1991, p. 7). Similarly, Delaney claims that love is grounded in “historical-relational properties” (1996, p. 346), so that I have reasons for continuing to love this person rather than switching allegiances and loving someone else. In each case, the appeal to both such historical relations and the excellences of character of my beloved is intended to provide an answer to question (3) , and this explains why the objects of love are not fungible.

There seems to be something very much right with this response. Relationships grounded in love are essentially personal, and it would be odd to think of what justifies that love to be merely non-relational properties of the beloved. Nonetheless, it is still unclear how the historical-relational propreties can provide any additional justification for subsequent concern beyond that which is already provided (as an answer to question (1) ) by appeal to the excellences of the beloved’s character (cf. Brink 1999). The mere fact that I have loved someone in the past does not seem to justify my continuing to love him in the future. When we imagine that he is going through a rough time and begins to lose the virtues justifying my initial love for him, why shouldn’t I dump him and instead come to love someone new having all of those virtues more fully? Intuitively (unless the change she undergoes makes her in some important sense no longer the same person he was), we think I should not dump him, but the appeal to the mere fact that I loved him in the past is surely not enough. Yet what historical-relational properties could do the trick? (For an interesting attempt at an answer, see Kolodny 2003 and also Howard 2019.)

If we think that love can be justified, then it may seem that the appeal to particular historical facts about a loving relationship to justify that love is inadequate, for such idiosyncratic and subjective properties might explain but cannot justify love. Rather, it may seem, justification in general requires appealing to universal, objective properties. But such properties are ones that others might share, which leads to the problem of fungibility. Consequently it may seem that love cannot be justified. In the face of this predicament, accounts of love that understand love to be an attitude towards value that is intermediate between appraisal and bestowal, between recognizing already existing value and creating that value (see Section 4.3 ) might seem to offer a way out. For once we reject the thought that the value of our beloveds must be either the precondition or the consequence of our love, we have room to acknowledge that the deeply personal, historically grounded, creative nature of love (central to bestowal accounts) and the understanding of love as responsive to valuable properties of the beloved that can justify that love (central to appraisal accounts) are not mutually exclusive (Helm 2010; Bagley 2015).

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• Aristotle , Nicomachean Ethics , translated by W.D. Ross.
• Moseley, A., “ Philosophy of Love ,” in J. Fieser (ed.), Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy

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ThinkWritten

108 Romance Writing Prompts & Love Story Ideas

Everybody loves a good love story – here are 108 romantic writing prompts and love story ideas to inspire you!

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Everybody loves a good love story, and with these romance writing prompts for romantic fiction, you are sure to find some inspiration to write a story for the ages.

These romantic writing prompts are free for you to take and let your imagination run wild. Use them as novel ideas, short stories, screenplays, or just try them as creative writing exercises to stretch your imagination.

Romantic Fiction Writing Prompts and Story Starters

Please note : We use the pronouns “she and he” in some of these examples, but of course you have the freedom to reverse and change genders as you see fit!

1. Their story begins on a bright summer morning when they both awake in bed together with no memory of who they are or where they came from.

2. She is determined to go on an epic road trip this summer. When her best friend bails out at the last minute, she talks one of her co-workers into joining her as a reluctant sidekick for the adventure of a lifetime. 

3. Write a story where one character finds the other character in their tent while camping alone.

4. Our heroine catches the hero stealing food from the restaurant where she works. Is he a bad guy or is there more to this story? What happens when she realizes she is falling for him?

5. A mysterious stranger leaves an item at the main character’s front door with a note attached saying “For a rainy day”.

6. Our hero is a jet-setter whose father has died and just left all of his possessions to someone else. He’s about to demand the rights to his inheritance when he realizes maybe he likes this person.

7. Write a romance story about an undercover cop investigating a person for a crime they didn’t commit. As the cop learns more about them, they realize they are innocent and they might be falling in love.

8. The heroine’s father warns her that she’ll be in terrible danger if she accepts the hero’s marriage proposal.

9. Our two characters are shipwrecked after an unexpected storm. They find themselves on an island where they are forced to spend their first night together under the stars.

10. An impromptu dance competition is announced at the bar where two characters are enjoying an evening of drinks. Do they have what it takes to win the contest and at love?

11. The hero is the brother of the person our heroine has had a crush on for years – who is also her best friend.

12. Write a love story where two single parents drop their kids off at the same daycare every morning. When they run into each other, will they be ready to give love a second chance?

13. She has a secret thinking spot on the roof of a nearby building. When she goes there after learning she lost her job, she discovers someone sitting there.

14. Our characters are both recovering addicts. They both have had problems with alcohol and drugs – will they be able to stay clean long enough for true love to find them?

15. Our characters are on vacation in the countryside of a foreign country when they accidentally crash their cars into each other, resulting in them being sent to the same hospital where they share a room for a week.

16. Our hero and heroine meet in line at the grocery store almost every week. After constantly running into each other, he finally asks her out.

17. The heroine’s wedding is cancelled the day before she was supposed to walk down the aisle. She isn’t sure how to pick up the pieces so goes to the beach to sort herself out, where she finds herself falling for someone new.

18. The might be lawyers on opposite sides of many cases, but they can’t deny that there is something between them…

19. The two of them are in a band together, hoping to get their music heard by the world. They start falling for each other, but will it rip the band apart?

20. Our main characters are both struggling to find their places in the world – one feels like their parents never supported their dreams, and the other left their hometown behind without any plans to return. Together, they learn what it’s like to be true to themselves for the first time.

21. They’ve lived together in the same apartment building for years and have a somewhat passive aggressive relationship with each other. It sparks into something more when he asks her to try his new hot sauce recipe.

22. Our two characters find themselves thrown together and in love after they meet while on vacation in a tropical paradise – only to discover that they live in different countries on separate continents. Can they make it work?

23. He likes her… she likes him… but he’s a total ladies’ man. Can she ever get over this fear and see him as more than a player?

24. They are both running from something in the woods and help each other to escape and survive a dangerous situation. What are they running from and could it make them fall in love?

25. She thinks she’s found the perfect guy – until she discovers he has a secret identity. Will he tell her on his own or will she call him out for it?

26. After a mix-up with their reservations, the characters find they both booked the same rental for the week. Rather than forfeit the deposit and ruin their plans, they decide it to share the space together. Will temporarily living together spark romance or will it be a disaster?

27. The story begins with our heroine rescuing the hero from a life-threatening situation. After they meet, sparks begin to fly. What we don’t realize until much later is she’s the one who caused the accident in the first place.

28. The protagonist is a famous chef who is loved by everyone in the neighborhood – except the frustrating food critic who keeps writing terrible things about their cooking. Can the chef woo them over?

29. Our characters meet when both of their cars break down in the middle of nowhere, and they need to wait together until their cars are repaired.

30. The two of them are sharing the back seat of a limousine after a logistics mix-up at their job when things take a turn for the passionate…

31. They have been friends since they were kids vacationing together every summer – but now it’s getting serious. They might not be just friends anymore…

32. The heroine has been hired by the hero’s start-up company to test his new product for attracting love. However, the product is so effective that she finds herself falling for him!

33. He is a famous actor and she is a waitress at a restaurant he frequents – but they both know that he’s tired of the glitz and glamour and wants to settle down. Can she show him that romance is real?

34. One of them is a real estate agent and the other is a home buyer looking for the perfect house, but they end up finding so much more than either of them expected…

35. They go out on a blind date with the hopes of finding love. But what if one of them ends up being the other’s boss and part owner of the company?

36. They had a casual romance in high school, but they both went their separate ways and have both changed a lot. When fate has them meet again, will it spark the magic from their old relationship?

37. They’ve both reached fame in their careers – but when the cameras are on at all times, how can they be honest with each other and their feelings?

38. Frustrated with life on earth, our hero and heroine volunteer to go live on the space station as part of an experiment for two years. They might have escaped all their problems on earth, but can they actually make a relationship work?

39. The two main characters work together at a local animal shelter and they both have secrets to hide about themselves and their lives. When their paths cross on a daily basis, can they resist the pull to tell each other everything?

40. The story begins with two high school sweethearts who are reunited years later only to discover that they are both unhappily married to someone else. Is it too late or will their love prove to be stronger?

41. He’s a famous musician with all kinds of problem. His life is falling apart and now he starting to fall for the person who tends the gardens at his mansion.

42. They’re both on the run from the law. When they cross paths to form an unlikely bond, can they both get out of their current situations to make it work?

43. He wants his lost love back, but how can he convince her he’s changed?

44. The two of them are on a business trip in a foreign country when there is unrest in the streets – can they make it out alive?

45. A famous actor and a famous actress are both staying at the same hotel during the filming of a romantic movie. Could the sparks be more than just what’s in the script?

46. She has had a crush on him for years, but he never notices her. Will he finally realize that true love is right under his nose?

47. Our main character is always setting up their friends on dates and playing matchmaker – what happens when someone tries to match them with someone new?

48. One of them is a soldier, the other an army nurse. They meet on a helicopter ride after being evacuated from a dangerous situation.

49. They broke up years ago but then run into each other after not talking to each other anymore. When they stop and actually listen to what the other person has to say, do they realize that maybe they never really stopped loving one another?

50. Our main character’s dog is missing – but will they find love in an unexpected place instead?

51. Write a love story where one person is a tech mogul and the other person thinks technology is evil. When they start to fall for each other, will technology get in the way?

52. They are both running for mayor in their small town. Only one person can win the election – but can they both win in love?

53. Write a romance story where one character believes that love isn’t for them, so the other person must prove them wrong by showing them how wonderful love can be.

54. Two people meet after finding out they’ve both been dumped. As they try to plot their revenge on their exes, they discover maybe they have feelings for one another.

55. Our main character’s father is determined to find them a match and has arranged for them to have a new date everyday. Will they ever meet the one?

56. When two people who have never met before get into an argument, they end up trapped in the same room together for hours on end. Will this argument push them together or tear them apart?

57. Our main character finds themselves having vivid dreams that feel real about someone from their past. Use this romantic writing prompt to write a love story that transcends the test of time.

58. They are both avid readers who frequently go to the library but one of them believes they can read people’s future through their books. When they finally meet will they be able to read the other’s mind?

59. Our main character is an adrenaline junkie living life on the edge. When they meet someone who wants to tame them, will they be able to gain some balance in their life?

60. She lives in a world where men are forbidden. When she finally meets one face to face, will she be able to resist her feelings or fall into temptation?

61. Write a story where the main character is the president’s daughter. Can she have a relationship with the son of a political rival?

62. Two discover that both their horoscopes describe what their ideal mate would be like and how they will meet – and it’s each other!

63. One of them is a hard working chef and the other is a photographer who wants to take pictures in the kitchen. When they meet, they find that they have more in common than just their love of food.

64. When our main character gets a new puppy, it turns out to be more than they bargained for. After the dog tears up their neighbor’s flower bed it might just turn into romance.

65. She’s an actress and he’s a cop on location providing security for the movie – but what happens when reality mixes with fiction?

66. Two lovers forced apart by war are reunited only to discover that one of them has been injured physically and the other mentally. Can they get past their scars and move forward?

67. Two people who have gone through terrible things in life meet in a support group and learn how to live again together.

68. The Civil War has just broken out – but one of them is from the north and the other is from the south. Will the war tear them apart or bring them closer together?

69. In a post-apocalyptic world, our two characters are both on the run. When their lives cross paths, they decide teaming up could benefit them both – but does their alliance turn into something more?

70. After accidentally sending an email to a stranger, they become online pen pals. When they meet for the first time in real life, will it be love at first sight or disaster?

71. Their tempers have both gotten them in trouble in the past. When they meet at an anger management class, will they finally learn to control their anger and let love in or will it all blow up?

72. Two con artists meet and decide to team up. They have great chemistry but will they ever be able to fully trust each other?

73. After a tornado devastates a small town, our two characters are drawn together by their grief. Can they rebuild a new future together?

74. When two detective partners need to catch the bad guy, they go undercover as a married couple. Could it be more than just a ruse?

75. Write a romantic love story where two friends start having dreams about each other. Will will these dreams be prophetic or turn into a real life nightmare?

76. When our hero finds himself trapped in another dimension, he takes refuge in an abandoned warehouse only to discover that there is another guest who also happens to be beautiful.

77. The two are travelers who both stop at a diner at the same time. When they are served something otherworldly, they suddenly find themselves with the ability to see ghosts – and each other’s pasts.

78. After finding a wallet in the parking lot, the main character is determined to find out who it belongs to and return it. After a long goose chase of research, they finds themselves falling in love with them. When they finally meet, is the person everything they imagined?

79. A group of people are forced to live in a small bunker together when nuclear war breaks out. Can they find love with each other or will they all turn on each other?

80. Our main character starts seeing a vivid symbol in mysterious places. They try to brush it off as nothing until meeting a stranger who has a tattoo of the symbol. Could it be fate?

81. During their first date, two people receive terrible news. Can they still find happiness together despite all of their problems?

82. After being ditched by their friends at the prom, two loners meet and decide to spend an exciting evening together.

83. While skeptical of psychics, our protagonist is also desperate to find love. After being told of a terrible misfortune about to happen, will it turn out it makes them meet the one?

84. Two people from different social classes find themselves attracted to one another. Can they make it work or will it be torn apart by their differing backgrounds?

85. Two long-time friends find themselves thrown together by a terrible accident. Can they be there for each other or will their differences tear them apart?

86. A young couple find themselves responsible for protecting a powerful and ancient weapon. Will they be able to keep it together and stop the evil that is trying to destroy it?

87. A woman confronts her ex-boyfriend at the wedding of a mutual friend – and their hate for each other is unleashed. Can they make up or are they determined to destroy each other?

88. Our hero meets a woman who teaches him about true love and everything he’s ever dreamed of finding in a relationship. Before they can be together, however, she disappears – only to return mysteriously years later.

89. Burned out by the dating scene, two people decide it’s best to sign up for a service that sets up arranged marriages. Will they be able to make it work?

90. They might both be rich and beautiful, but they always feel like the people they date only care about their looks and money. One decides to pretend to be poor while the other wears a disguise. Have they finally met someone who loves them with no regard to money or looks or will the truth be too much to handle?

91. They just met and really hit it off but one of them has to leave for a work project overseas for the next 5 years. Can they make a long distance relationship work?

92. Two people who hate each other become stuck on the same ocean liner together and must work together to survive a violent storm.

93. He might only be 28 and has a successful career, but he’s starting to go bald. Is it too late for him to find a partner?

94. As journalists for their school’s newspaper, they are always on assignment together. Could an innocent stop for breakfast one morning turn their casual relationship into something more?

95. The older couple in a photograph she discovers looks familiar – but she doesn’t know who they are. One of the people looks a little like her, only older. Could it be a view of the future to come?

96. Two people who have known each other since childhood must fight to survive against an army of zombies that are trying to turn them into meals. Can they make it out alive or will their pasts consume them?

97. She is out of work and lives in a trailer park with her sister. She decides she will marry someone rich and sets off to win over the heart of the local millionaire. Will she learn there’s more to love than just money?

98. They have been growing apart for years – but when they each meet someone new, they realize that maybe it’s time to stop running and face the past head on.

99. When you are born, you are assigned three potential love matches. You meet them all on the same day at the same time on your 21st birthday and must choose one by the end of the night to spend the rest of your life with.

100. They are both from different cultures, but when they meet each other for the first time, they are instantly drawn to each other. Can their love survive all the forces that want to tear them apart?

101. She is kidnapped and sold into slavery, but he will do anything to find her.

102. When he ends up in prison, will she find a way to help him or will his past always be too strong for her to overcome?

103. The two of them have been best friends since they were kids, but when they go into business together, their love for each other may become more than it was before.

104. Write a romantic love story that is inspired by whatever you ate for lunch yesterday.

105. A man travels back in time to find his true love and change the way things ended.

106. She has been sent on a mission by the king to find and return the prince before something terrible happens to him.

107. He is one of the best bounty hunters in the galaxy – but when he meets someone who can be considered his greatest catch yet he realizes he is in love with them.

108. Two leaders of planets on the way to extinction decide to join forces and create a new species of people to continue their worlds. Will their attempts to play matchmaker and procreate work?

I hope these romantic writing prompts and love story ideas inspire you to write something great. If you do happen to write a story with these prompts, you know we would love to check it out so please let us know about it in the comments below!

Looking for even more great story ideas and writing prompts? Check out these other resources at ThinkWritten!

• 365 Creative Writing Prompts for Everyday
• 42 Fantasy Writing Prompts
• 101 Poetry Writing Prompts

Do you have any other romantic love story ideas to add to this list? Share your own romantic writing prompts in the comments below!

Chelle Stein wrote her first embarrassingly bad novel at the age of 14 and hasn't stopped writing since. As the founder of ThinkWritten, she enjoys encouraging writers and creatives of all types.

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Unexpected Love In My Life

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It was a dreadful horrific day. I felt like I wanted to cry when I recall what happen to her. I could not have wish more from her. But fate had played it role. It all started when I first entered a very prestigious school in town. The scene is cold. Cold glance, cold shoulder and everything that have to do with cold. I started to pity the students, carrying books here and there. They have no life! I started to worry about myself. What if I become one of them?! Students that are trapped in a lifeless shell! I guess I was too harsh on making my assumption on my first day of school there.

So I decided to get to know one of the students, which is less book and more social. On that time, I saw her. She was the cutest girl I had ever met. She has a pink cheek with a narrow killer eyes that will melt your heart on first glance. A sweet little smile with a very attractive fangs. A less timid girl that I can approach and befriend with. I was nervous and started to think a million way to approach her. Crazy thinking started to pop-up in my mind. What if she hated boys? What if my face is too scary and make her scream on top of her lungs? What if her boyfriend sees us and beat me up outside the school?

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My mind was full of speculation. So I decided to go for a simple approach. No gimmicks, no flowers or no whatsoever. As soon as I entered the class, there she was, sitting elegantly. A light from heaven shined on her and as if a bird was putting a bracelet around her neck. Of course, it was only my imagination. I walked passed her and she stopped me to a halt by standing in front of me. I almost grabbed her private part. “You are the new kid right? Hi, really nice to meet you. Really hope we can be friend soon. ” There I was, thunderstruck. She offered her hand for a handshake.

She was different from any girls. She was much braver from any other. “My name is Heidi by the way. What’s yours? ” I was stammering. Still in shocked from what had happen. “I…I’m Elliot. Nice to meet you Heidi. ” I put up a fake smile and try to put myself up together. “Hope to know you very soon Elliot. Can I just call you Elly instead? It sounded much cuter and simpler. There’s a sit behind that you can take. If you having problem there, just tell me okay, Elly? ” With that, she left me to my sit. I was so grateful on that moment. Now that I do not need to say those crappy salutation anymore.

On my first recess, I looked for Heidi to ask her about how things go in the school. Then I found her laughing wildly with her other friends in the canteen. I liked her way. She saw me and started to walk towards me. She asked me if I need anything. So I asked her if she can give me a little bit of info about how the students are around the school. There was the geeks, the nerds, the athletes, the fabulous nerds and tonnes other categories. So my first impression was seventy percent right. Most of the students there are losers! Later that afternoon, when everyone is eager to go home, I tried to ask Heidi for her phone number.

When I was just about to speak, she handed me and unevenly torn piece of paper with numbers on it. “Here’s my phone number. Just text me if you have anything to ask about school. ” With that, the school bell rang, signing the end of school session. Heidi bid me goodbye and gave me a warm cutest smile. I was getting worried. Why was she so kind to me and why is she so different from others? It is as if, she was in her own category alone! But then, my man instinct told me that she was naturally like that and made me stop thinking bad about her. That night, on my bed with my favourite blanky on me, I stared on my phone.

Her phone number was on the screen. My eyes kept scanning the numbers as if it will magically change to a different font. My heart started to thump wildly when I recall her sweet little smile. Right there, I realise that I had fallen in love. I threw my phone away and started my journey on a thousand dreams of Heidi. I slept great. The next morning in school, I found a letter in my drawer, It was from Heidi. It reads: “Hi Elly. You must be wondering, why did I sent this letter when I can just text you. Well, I am more fond of old school type of life. Where people put talcum powder on their love letters instead of perfumes.

Writing instead of typing. Playing instead of watching. So the next time you want to give me a love letter, put it into an envelope instead of texting me. Haha. xD Just kidding. The next time you text me, don’t be shock if you found a reply letter on your desk. ” As I ended the last word of the letter, I looked at her and saw her smiling to me and gave me a wink. My heart drops, seeing her winking at me. After a few days, we started to become closer with each other. I was getting comfortable with her. Every night, we will text each other and every now and then, she would just reply my text with a letter in my drawer.

Sometimes, I ponder about her. It is like I could not make heads or tails of her. She is so unpredictable and will keep surprising me. A few weeks after my first day of school, I was getting comfortable around the school. Even though the nerds are always around to force me to pursue in their nerdy-awkward clubs, Heidi would always be there to save me from them. I was very grateful. The students there were not really that scary when I got used to them. My friends were increasing from the past week. But of course, Heidi was the one I treasured the most. From our conversation through thousands of text messages, I got to know her better.

I knew that she had lost her brother in a car accident when she was only eight years old. I knew that she was not taken by any other man that time, that is the most crucial part. But there is one problem. Heidi was not really interested in any kind of relationship rather than friendship. So I tried my best to win her heart without making her notice it. It was hard. I tried becoming a little bit more caring towards her. Sometimes, my manhood will tell me to sweet talk her. But it would always ended up embarrassing. So my sweet talk would normally work in text.

Sometimes, I would just write her a poem on a piece of paper and seal it with an envelope. Weeks turns to month. I decided to propose Heidi in an evening walk at the park. The walkway was clean and white. Surrounded by a wide grass patch that stretch up to hundreds of meters away. The ducks were swimming on the calm water of the. The wind was blowing soft. It was the perfect moment to propose. A romantic orange evening at the park. We found our self a nice bench to sit. Facing towards the calm water of the lake. Our conversation was long. It is like a never ending story. “How is your mother doing?

I heard that she was not feeling that well. ” I asked her. Trying to look like a true gentleman and a caring person. “She is getting better now. How did you know by the way? Did you stalk me?! ” She put up a serious face then laughed. I tried to answer it the best I could. Covering up what I was really doing. Stalking. “It is just me. You know that I’m a caring person right? ” I gave her a flirting smile. My face looked stupid and we laughed out loud together. I grabbed her soft palm and slowly lift it up. She looked nervous and so do I. Her pink cheeks are turning red. She looked even more beautiful under the evening sunlight.

My heart thump like a drum. I stared right on her eyes. It look round now rather than narrow. I hold her palm with both my hands. “Heidi, I have a confession to make. Before you say anything, please hear me. ” I paused for a little while. My eyes focused on her. Waiting for any reply. She did not. I continued. “Since the first time I met you, I had always attracted to you. Despite the fact that I’m in a school full of boring people, I still can find someone that really can make me happy and that is you. You are different and nobody would be as perfect as you. You are like a pearl in a sea of coal.

Awhile after that, I realised that I had fall for you. It was agonizing to fall in love but could not express it. So whatever your answer after this, it would be just fine. Even if you reject me. Heidi, would take me as your loving boyfriend, to love and to hold, in ease or sickness, till dead do we apart? ” She was astonished. Her red face started to cool off. Her eyes became watery all of the sudden. She was speechless at first. Then, she responded. “I do. ” She smiled and a drop of tear fell from her eyes. Rolling on her cheeks. She gave me a hug, trying to cover her tears, I pretended not to know.

My heart beat fell. I was the happiest man on earth. I looked at the evening sky as the sun setting down, I smiled and hug her back. Ever since that day, we are the craziest couple in school. We had fun together and she would always be happy when we were together and so do I. Our relationship was not really like a fairy tales. There were times that we would fight and sometimes, it could be so tense until one of us had to go down on our knees. Ego was usually the cause of it. But, even with the fights that we had gone through, we still can love each other. Throughout our relationship, I had the chance to meet her parent.

It was nerve wrecking. But surprisingly, they welcomed me like I was already in the family. I was happy. A spark of hope lighted in my heart. Heidi could be the love of my life. But, it is still too early to say as such. She had not met my family yet. I was afraid that my family would scold not only me, but the both of us. So I kept delaying the time. Hoping that my family would be more open. It was the semester holiday and I asked Heidi to go for a date that night. We went to an Italian restaurant in town. I guess , it would be the best, but Heidi was not so happy. She thought it was just a waste of money.

But I did not bother to argue and just force her to go. The restaurant looks exclusive. The ceiling was decorated with angel paintings and a big chandelier suspended from it. It glows with an orange light, making the atmosphere even more romantic, accompanied by the soft music playing. We ordered our food and started chatting. “You never mentioned about your family to me Elly. ” My brain was stuck for a while. Surprised by the statement. “It is not that I don’t want to tell you about my family. But I figure that it would be best if you get to know them later. ” She started to frown.

And I know, that is a very bad sign. “When will I meet them then? Till when will you want to wait? I want to know your family opinion about us. I need to. ” I kept giving her excuses. We were getting louder and the other customers started to give attention. I stopped our argument and just proceed with our dinner. It was the worse date ever. The night ended quick and I sent her home. Her words kept ringing in my ears. I was worried. I kept thinking about. The next morning, I saw her in the class. She did not look happy seeing me. I walked to her and apologise. “I’m sorry for last night.

I know I was wrong. I promise you that I will bring you to my family next week. Please smile to me. ” I pleaded. She smiled then she laughed. I was very happy, even though I had to face my parent with her next week. I put up a fake smile to her just to look convincing. Days passed and it was D-day. I had to pick up Heidi from her house to meet my family. Every second on the way, my heart beats faster and faster as I gotten closer to her house. I imagined my dad would just shout in front of us. It would be so embarrassing. As I reach her house, I can see many peoples around it. I had a bad feeling.

As I walk up the steps, I saw a stiff body lying. Heidi’s mother saw me. I asked her what had happened. “They did not told you, didn’t they? ” Her eyes were red from tears and her hands were trembling. “She committed suicide last night. ” As the words pour from her mouth, I fell on my knee and started to crying. My face was. My brain was blank. I was not sure what to do. Heidi’s mother usher me in and I saw her dead body lying. It was saddening. She had hanged herself. I felt guilty because of not becoming a perfect boyfriend to her. Many ideas pop-out from my mind. Why did she committed suicide?

I kept blaming myself. She has gone. Out of my life. Few months later, a new girl came into the class. Her face resemble Heidi so much. She made me fall in love to her even though she was much quite and a little timid than Heidi. She was my girlfriend until to this very day and tomorrow, she will become my wife. Here I am, sitting next to Heidi’s grave. The single tree in front of us blocked the setting sun ray. It reminds me of the day I proposed to Heidi. The wind is blowing, my tears started to fall. Hoping for Heidi to come back even though it is impossible and to this day, I do not know why she did it.

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90 Heart-Fluttering Quotes About Unexpected Love

Love must be the most longed after thing in the world. Everybody desires love, and everybody is waiting for love. If you are one of the millions whose true love has not arrived yet, don’t despair.

Listen to the stories of the people around you and you will hear a lot of stories about unexpected love – love that takes one by surprise. Love that comes unbidden.

Read our beautiful quotes about unexpected love.

Love was destined and would strike as true as unexpected lightning on a clear day or never come at all. – Dean Francis Alfar

Every true love and friendship is a story of unexpected transformation. If we are the same person before and after we loved, that means we haven’t loved enough. – Elif Shafak

Love is like getting hit by the bus, so painful and so sudden.

If I can stop time, I would stop it the moment I finally noticed my feelings for you.

I have given up the quest for love. Because hopefully love will find me one day. Totally unexpected, astonishing and breathtaking. – NMC

Art, like love, moves the heart in unexpected directions. – Marty Rubin

Sometimes, someone comes into your life, so unexpectedly, takes your heart by surprise, and changes your life forever. – MindBootstrap

Love comes to you just at the right time; the time you never thought it would have. – Anurag Prakash Ray

Sometimes we find we love things we never thought we wanted. And then we regret that we never wanted them at all. It’s the fear of change, I think, and dread of the unknown.

She was forever unexpected. And I was drunk on that about her. – Atticus

She wasnt exactly sure when it happened. Or even when it started. All she knew for sure was that right here and now, she was falling hard and she could only pray that he was feeling the same way. – Nicholas Sparks

A good destiny is when two people find each other without even looking.

Life is full of surprises and one of them is finding the one for you, in the most unexpected manner. – Maria Bastida

This was love at first sight, love everlasting: a feeling unknown, unhoped for, unexpected.

I fell in love with you. And I hadn’t calculated for that. – Dez Schwartz

Sometimes people are afraid of falling in love, because it sometimes comes in a way we never expected. – Terry Mark

Love is unpredictable, like a ball tossed into a vacuum, you can never expect anything. – Maria Bastida

Sometimes I know how it ends before it begins. But you were unexpected. I chased you off the only path I knew and all I know now is without you I could never find my way.

Sometimes the perfect person for you is who you least expected it to be. – MindBootstrap

We fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time.

The best love story is when you fall in love with most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. – Alfiya Shaliheen

Who would have known that you would be the one for me when we did not even like each other in the first place? – Maria Bastida

The process of love sometimes means unexpected detours. – Elizabeth Alraune

Most people want to be circled by safety, not by the unexpected. The unexpected can take you out. But the unexpected can also take you over and change your life. Put a heart in your body where a stone used to be. – Ron Hall

You are the love that came without warning. You had my heart before I could say no.

The beauty of love is that, you can fall into it with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. – Ritu Ghatourey

She wasn’t exactly sure when it happened. Or even when it started. All she knew for sure was that right here and now, she was falling hard and she could only pray that he was feeling the same way. – MindBootstrap

Love can be found in unexpected places. Sometimes we go out searching for what we think we want and we end up with what we’re supposed to have. – Kate McGahan

It’s so amazing when someone comes to your life and you expect nothing out of it but suddenly there right in front of you is everything you ever need.

Life is full of unexpected things, and you were that to me: the unexpected person to love.

The heart wants what it wants. There’s no logic to these things. You meet someone and you fall in love and that’s that. – Woody Allen

After all the hearts I broke, I never expected that you would be the one fixing mine.

I used to believe in destiny until you suddenly came into my life and defined it for me. – Maria Bastida

Falling in love with you was never my plan until one day, I realized you already had my heart.

I fell for you unexpectedly, but now I plan to be with you forever.

The thing about love was that it caught you unawares, turned up in the most unexpected places, even when you weren’t looking for it. – Sarra Manning

Falling in love with you is so crazy that I never expected it, it just popped out of thin air.

But I swear, you find the best things when you’re not looking for them.

I don’t think anyone is ever ready, but when someone makes you feel alive again, it’s kind of worth the risk. – Nikki Rowe

Never expected to meet you. When I met you I never expected you to become my everything and more than I could have ever dreamed of.  – Maria Ana Bulquerin

What a plot twist you were.

Unrequited affection is very painful for the lover, but it can have unexpected, creative consequences. – Damon Galgut

Falling in love with someone unexpectedly is one of the most beautiful things, you don’t have to force anything because there is already a strong connection.

I want a person who comes into my life by accident, but stays on purpose.

Love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration. – D.H. Lawrence

When all is said and done, the weather and love are the two elements about which one can never be sure. – Alice Hoffman

You’re the last thing my heart expected.

Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for. – Lawrence Block

The best love is unexpected. You don’t just pick someone and cross your fingers it’ll work out. You meet them by fate and it’s an instant connection, and the chemistry between you is way above your head. You just talk and notice the way their lips curve when they smile or the color of their eyes and all at once you know you’re either lucky or screwed.

You were one of the best surprises love has ever been kind enough to give to me.

You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. – Dr. Seuss

Its amazing how you can fall in love with a person you didn’t even notice the first time you met them. – Crystal Sawyer

Have you ever met someone that surprised you? Like, you meet this person, and at first you hardly pay any attention to them. You may not even really he attracted to this person, but as you get to know them, you notice yourself falling for them. This person that was once average to you has quickly become the greatest, most beautiful person in the world, and perhaps even the most important. It’s just funny looking back. You never saw something like this coming, it kind of just…happend.

Your soulmate will be the stranger you recognize. – R.H. Sin

How blessed I am to stumble upon a soul that wants nothing but smiles and sunshine for me, for the rest of our lives together.

You never fall in love by yourself, love captures you. Love comes to you when you don’t need it really, and it comes to an end when you need it the most. – Farah Mustafa

You are the best thing I never planned.

Love is a very powerful emotion and when a break-up is unexpected, it’s very hard to get over. – Leona Lewis

I’m not perfect. I’ll annoy you, piss you off, say stupid things, then take it all back. But put that all aside, and you’ll never find a person who cares or loves you more than me.

Sometimes, what you’re looking for comes when you’re not looking at all.

You’re my serendipity. I wasn’t looking for you. I wasn’t expecting you. But I’m very lucky I met you.

Who would have known that our innocent friendship would turn into a blossoming love?

One of the most amazing feelings in the world is having someone fall in love with you who you thought you never had a chance with.

And then suddenly, you meet that one person that makes you forget about yesterday, and dream about tomorrow.

Sometimes the most beautiful thing is precisely the one that comes unexpectedly and unearned, hence something given truly as a present. – Anna Freud

When we first met, I didn’t want to get involved with anyone. I didn’t have the time or energy and I didn’t think I was ready for it; but you were so good to me and I got swept up in that and little by little, I found myself falling for you.

Love is like a lost object. If you search too hard, you won’t find it. But if you just forget about it momentarily, it will show up in the most unexpected way. – MindBootstrap

I never thought anyone would ever make me smile, laugh and capture my heart as fast as you have.

Life takes you to unexpected places. Love brings you home.

Let it find you. SERENDIPITY the effect by which one accidentally stumbles upon something truly wonderful, especially while looking for something entirely unrelated.

The greatest relationships are the ones you never expected to be in. The ones that swept you off your feet and challenged every view you’ve ever had.

Falling in love with someone you had no intentions on falling for, is the most beautiful kind of love. No forcing chemistry, or trying to save them. Just a pure, raw connection that created its own.

Falling in love with an unexpected person is like falling asleep during classes, you never should but you do it anyways.

And then you walked into my life.

and then one day, there you were, shining brightly. showing me that i wasn’t meant to stay in the dark. – JmStorm

The best thing about love is you unexpectedly fall for those who you never thought would mean the world to you. – MindBootstrap

Sometimes two people find each other with both broken foundations, and they build together as a team to make a foundation that is indestructible.

There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment. To fall in love you have to be in the state of mind for it to take, like a disease. – Nancy Mitford

I can’t explain chemistry. I really can’t. I haven’t got a clue what it’s all about. It just happens. Like falling in love. – Elaine Stritch

It’s the unexpected that changes our lives.

I met someone by accident. He blew me away.

Love comes from the most unexpected places. – Barbra Streisand

Love can achieve unexpected majesty in the rocky soil of misfortune.

Someday, I know that the right person for me will walk my way and tell me, I love you. – Maria Bastida

Sometimes the love of your life comes after the mistake of your life.

My love for you is so unexpected, like a feeling you get when you get pricked by something.

They say the best type of love is unexpected, but they forgot to mention falling in love unexpectedly with someone you can’t have is the most painful. – Tilicia Haridat

Keep calm and love will find you.

I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now.

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100 Cute 'I Love You' Paragraphs For Him

Love is in the air.

• Maatie Kalokoh

Written on Nov 05, 2021

Sometimes love is hard to define or explain, so putting your feelings in a cute love paragraph for him is a great way to tell him "I love you" .

Love's a feeling that comes in many forms in one lifetime. When you feel lost for words, it's important to figure out the right thing to say so that you can express your emotions correctly to your partner without any misunderstanding.

The most iconic and common display of love in literature is the love letter. "I love you" letters were the way that couples who were far apart at the time still contacted each other.

The act of taking the time to handwrite a letter describing your love for your spouse and sending it for them to read and keep in a journal was the ultimate sign of love and dedication.

RELATED:  150+ Best Love Quotes That'll Make Anyone Believe In Love

A short "I love you" text message here and there might let your partner know that your thinking of them but it doesn’t compare to a full-on "I love you" paragraph of you letting them know how much they mean to you.

If you have some problems putting your emotions into your own words, check out these cute love paragraphs for him to give you ideas for the perfect thing to say to your boyfriend or husband.

100 Cute Love Paragraphs for Him to Copy and Paste into Love Letters and Texts

I love you paragraphs for him.

1. Only you can turn my world around, set my heart on fire, and make everything beautiful. Will I continue to love you? Yes, I will, forever because your love makes my world come alive. Even if everything changes, friends go away, the sun disappears. One thing will remain the same, “My love for you.”

2. If you love me as I love you. If you feel the way my heartbeats, then there is no going back. Let’s love each other until our very last breath because I love you from sunrise to sunset. You own my heart and I have the feeling that being with you has been the best choice I made.

3. You’re a perfect definition of perfection. I wonder why I never noticed how valuable you are, right from the moment we met. I love you so much. I want you to know one thing. I love you, and nothing will change how much you mean to me.

4. I love my life because I have you in it right now. I love you because you make my life worth living. I’m not as good as your first lover. I know that I’m not a perfect girl, but I will do my best for you if you let me into your heart. Sincerely, I promise to be your queen if you will be my king.

5. You won’t believe what you’ve done to me. Your presence in my life took my heart, my soul, and my emotions. I am just completely in love with you. It never crossed my thought a caring, loving, and selfless guy like you ever exist talk more of being mine. I love you, honey.

6. I tried to shut my heart from everyone and everything, but it wasn’t able because you still exist. You’re such a darling for being here for me when I need you. We spend much time together but those moments are not sweet compared to that second you say the words, ‘I love you.’

7. With you by my side, I feel something. I feel the storm coming, and I think the heavens are coming down. I wish to feel this way forever. Sometimes, I wonder how life would have been without you. It would have been a nightmare no one wishes to have. I love you for making my life beautiful.

8. My heart knows what it wants, and we both know that it wants and adores someone special. Every moment with you is amazing, and I can’t trade it for anything in the world. You built that strong foundation of love in my heart. The most adorable thing on earth, my love for you is strong. I love you, dear.

9. Our connection is divine. The foundation is on trust, fun, and honesty. That’s one of life’s precious gifts to me. Allow me to show you how sweet, cute and enjoyable love can be. Let me hold your hands throughout your life. Allow me to be your lady, forever. I love you, my special one.

10. You are my world. I’ve honestly fallen deeply in love with you and I am not afraid to say it. We have been through thick and thin and we are still going strong. I can’t imagine my life without you by my side. I love you so much I can’t even explain it! Forever and ever baby.

11. I have a confession to make: I have fallen in love with you. I feel as though you and I are meant to be together. I’ve found my soul mate, and that’s something that only happens in the movies. It’s a magical experience and I’m going to hold on to you.

12. I know I say “I love you” all the time, but that’s not enough. Those three words can’t describe the way I feel about you. You make my tummy do flips and my hands shake. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you and I don’t think I will ever love someone this much again. You’re everything I have ever wanted and needed. I love you so much, you’re my everything, my entire heart, and world.

13. Love doesn’t come fully formed. It is a seed that grows. Even when times are hard, don’t curse the dark and keep your candle burning. Good morning my prince charming.

14. There are thousands of ways to say I love you. But the only way to truly tell you is by showing you. I hope you will continue to let me show you how much I love you every single day.

15. You don’t know how much you mean to me and perhaps it may be the reason why you move even an inch away from me. I must tell you that I am already addicted to you—only God has the power to remove your love from my heart. I love you so much the most amazing husband in the world. I love you with passion my lovely sweetheart.

16. My love for you has no beginning and no end. It is cyclical, like life. It is ever-flowing, like the oceans. It is as boundless as the sky and as vast as the universe. When I see your face, I see my past, my present, my future. When I hold your hand I feel everything inside of me expand. You are my everything. I will love you forever.

17. My heart yearns for you, cries for you and is willing to be with you for the rest of my life whether in good or in bad condition. This heart of mine I have given to you because indeed, with or without, you stood by my side, aided me and showed me the love I have been searching for when I need you most. I must confess that I love you with all my heart.

18. The meaning of a beautiful world shared with a prince of passion, a lover that takes care of me for whatever it may cost. I am so amazed that you could risk your life just to see me happy. Indeed you are my hero and I will love you for the rest of my life!

19. You put color into my world. I feel like I’ve become a better person because of you, better able to love and care for other people in my life. You are so inspiring and it’s always too long until I see you again. I love you I love you I love you.

20. I love you in a place where there’s no space or time. My love is everlasting, ever growing, and ever present. My love for you knows no bounds. I was drawn to you and your soul in a way I can’t explain. It was like I just knew, here he is. This is it. He is it. You’ll never know how much you mean to me. I can only tell you that my soul will love you forever.

RELATED: 228 Love Quotes To Help You Tell Him Everything You Feel

Cute Love Paragraphs For Him

21. I can’t spend a day on earth without you. I can’t imagine loving someone else while you breathe. I love you. Loving you is like wearing my favorite pair of jeans. I can’t be tired of wearing it. I love you and can’t stop loving you. Have a great day.

22. Only if you love me back the way I love you, I don’t think I would worry if I die the next second. I love you, baby. I want you to know that our love will overcome any obstacle. It will stand the test of time like old wine. It will get better and healthy. Much love.

23. I understood that I hardly get hungry whenever I’m with you. Thanks for your healthy love. I asked the pastor the most beautiful place in the universe. He answered “heaven”. I had a hard time understanding, but not until I looked into your eyes.

24. You won’t believe what happened the last time you told me, “I love you.” my heart was screaming, “I Love you too.” but I know you wouldn’t hear it. I plan not to love anyone else, all I know is that as much as I love you, I am glad to have one of the most amazing persons on earth in my life. You rock my world.

25. How did you get me to love you? You broke down my defense, now I’m crazy and in love with you. Do you remember how we met? It was from eye contact. Now the rest is that you’re the King of my heart. My love is for you alone. Assure me you’ll be here to have my love because I can’t stop loving you with the passing of each day.

26. Thinking of anything other than you? That was before I met you. You now own and control my mind and heart. I need you, so it doesn’t matter how many times I see or talk to you. My day wouldn’t be complete without you. Thank you for being everything I want in a man and more.

27. Let me share this secret with you. The world will get to know it later, but know that you are one person who lights up my world. I want to let you know that I love you so much. You can now tell the world later. Your smile, your cute face, and your love. All these things make my world amazing. I’ll never stop letting you know how much I am into you.

28. When I look deep into your eyes, I see the calmness and power you possess. You are my precious man. I wish to appreciate you today because you’re that perfect match that completes me. Even if I could change anything about you, I won’t because you are just awesome the way you are. Thank you for being my awesome lover.

29. Your love is strong and compelling. It got my heart, enslaved my mind, and I can’t do anything with my head. I have no regret because, with your love, I’m a winner. The moments we share were the most loving memories I ever had. They are the best, and it’s a gift worth keeping for the rest of my life.

30. You have truly changed my life in ways you will never understand. Everything was going wrong in my life until the day I made you. You have made and always make everything in my life better. You make my heart skip a beat from your cute good morning text messages to those adorable nicknames you come up for me.

31. I want to shout from the rooftops how much I love you. Call me crazy but that is how I express my love for you.

32. People always say one shouldn’t put all eggs in one basket, as a means of security. But baby, I gave you all my heart and love, and you have proved to be worthy of it all, and much more. You are simply one of a kind and one in a million. I have never had a reason to regret saying yes to you three years ago, and I just want to say thanks for being the most amazing partner ever. I love you afresh today, now and forever darling.

33. I saw you in my dreams last night. I kissed you, hugged you and told you how much I love you. Will you please make my dreams come true?

34. You have changed my life in ways that you can never understand. Everything that was wrong seemed to go away after I met you. You have made my entire life better and my heart skips a beat whenever I think of you.

35. Some guys may be good, but you are always better. Others may be better, but no one is still the best like you. You are the best man there is in the world.

36. Sometimes I don’t trust myself around you. I trust you…but I sometimes the effect you have on me is so intense. I wonder what you’re thinking. I keep picturing you in my mind. I feel like I want to resist you and yet I can’t think of a reason why. Maybe you’re just a little too good, a little too handsome and witty. But I’ve got my eye on you, mister.

37. I feel like I have a perfect life — there isn’t one thing I’d change about it. I have the best, most caring, and sweetest boyfriend. I love you to death! I also have a family that I adore. If it wasn’t for my man and my family, I don’t know what I’d do.

38. I know that I can be hard to handle sometimes and that my attitude gets the better of me on some days and we get into arguments, but just know that without you, I don’t have a reason to be happy. Thank you for always putting up with my bad sides.

39. You are undoubtedly the most amazing, loving, kind, adorable, handsome, cute, funny, sweet, perfect man I have ever met and I am so lucky to have you.

40. The way I see you are special. How will I rate you low when you deserved to be rated high? I love you beyond your expectation and the effect of the gravity of my love will testify that to you. I love you my darling angel, the one I love with all my heart. How I wish I can stop thinking about you just for one microsecond but it is impossible because you are such an outstanding angel. I cherish you with all my love.

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Long Love Paragraphs For Him

41. I have never felt this hollow in my life before. The thought of not seeing you for another day can be heartbreaking. Can I stay in your heart to stop this nuclear explosion? The heart knows what it desires, but I know that yours yearn for the warm feelings we share all day long. I love you.

42. I have two things I have dreamed of doing with you. One of them is wrapping your soft body in my arms, and the other is holding your hand while we take a walk at the beach. I know it’s a dream that will become a reality someday. I love you with my heart. Baby, I imagine us sitting right next to each other without moving, without wishing to be somewhere else. Just holding hands and watching the Television on a breezy evening. Cute, right? Let’s make this a reality.

43. Your love is so powerful because it makes me feel like I am in the clouds. Your love makes me feel like I could probably run a marathon without ever training for it. It makes me feel like I was on something because I can’t explain this continuous flow of energy. Your love is so powerful as it makes me happy. I realize that everything was beautiful when I fell for your love. It made me excited, and I keep smiling with just a thought of you. I love you, my diamond.

44. You made my heart flutter. You lightened my world when you made my world stop spinning as we kiss. Your smile made everything look beautiful. I love you, my dearest. All I wanted was someone to understand me. I need you to fill the space in my heart. You are someone I will love without a doubt, and I want you to know that my heart is for you always. You’ll be the perfect person I want to be with till eternity. I love you.

45. When I’m around you, nothing matters anymore as you’re the only thing that makes my world move around. I heart you more than your mind can imagine. I can’t imagine living in a world where I can’t see or touch you. You’re the air in my world, without you I am nothing. You’re the sun in my life, without you I am empty.

46. There is something new about the way you smile. It makes the wind cease, my heartbeat stop, and I believe you’ve stolen my heart. I love you and need your love every day. Love is everything when you love someone, but it gets beautiful when someone loves you back. My love is for you both now and forever.

47. I just wanted to take this time to say thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for loving me and accepting me unconditionally and providing me with undivided love and attention. I thank you for all the laughs we’ve shared and the great times we have had. You’ve always been my rock in hard situations and the sunshine when its cloudy outside. You’re my everything and I LOVE YOU.

48. No matter how many times we fight or argue, I always want to work it out. No one could ever take your place. You are amazing in every way and I don’t know what I would do or where I would be if I never met you. You understand me like no one else can and I can truly relate to you in every way. I mean it when I say that I am yours, and you are mine. I love you and will always fight for you.

49. It’s amazing the love and care you give me on a daily basis it’s unequaled I think I am safer with you, that’s why I am giving all myself to you, because my life is perfect with you, you are a bumper package, and I promise to love you and give you all you need, may God bless you continually for me, because you really deserve much more than I can give you. I love you so much.

50. You are such a gift to me. Having you in my life is such a blessing. Every day, I thank God that you are in my life and that you are by my side. I am so blessed to be able to call you mine and to be called yours. I pray that I will always be able to give you what you need in life and that you will always be there to hold my hand and that you will continue to walk with me on this journey that we call life.

51. What can I say? You’ve been there for me through everything. I know we fight, but every relationship has its ups and downs. I feel so comfortable with you. It’s so easy to talk to you — I feel like I can tell you anything. I’m so proud to say you’re my best friend and my boyfriend — you mean the world to me. I love you so much!

52. I want you to know that you are the most important thing in my life. You’re the reason I do everything. When I get up in the morning, I feel so grateful for every second I have with you and have here on earth. You give my life meaning, you give my days such joy, you are the reason I smile. Thank you for being with me, for joining me on this journey through life. Your love is everything to me.

53. The love we have is greater than any of the story books we’ve read. You are my knight in shining armor and I am your fairy-tale princess. There is no more perfect tale of love to tell. Our love story is filled with adventure, passion and trust. We will never give up on each other. No matter what hardship comes our way. I will ensure that we will always live happily ever after.

54. The years we have spent together as partners have been the best years of my life so far. You have been a huge source of blessing to me, and have helped me grow in all aspects of life. I am a better person because of you, and I just want you to know I will never trade your love for anything. Your love’s worth is life to me, and with hope, I look forward to the years to come with you. Many cheers to you darling, and to a happy ever after for us.

55. I wish I can repay you for everything you have done in my life. In no time, I will always remember you because truly, you have completely changed my life since you became part of it. Truly, you have taught me a lot of things in this life; a lovely angel likes you and you should know that it is just the truth. My dear love, I wish you the most beautiful things in life. You are my dream, my love the most handsome man.

56. What we have together is unique. It is a special bond that is strong and unbreakable. We can make it through anything we encounter and we only grow stronger from the trials we face together. Together, we are strong. Being with you has made me a better person and I can’t believe that I found you. Ever since I met you, I never want to let you go. The attraction that you and I share is one that is so intense and I never want to be separated from you.

57. You’re the luckiest man because I’m the luckiest girl. You’re the salt to my pepper, the coca to my cola. I love you more than words can describe and I could never imagine losing you. You are my anything and everything. You’re the last thing I think of when I go to bed and the first thing I think of when I wake up. You’re priceless and the most amazing man I’ve ever met. You’re my best friend, my boyfriend, and my love. I feel like there is absolutely NOBODY who could make me feel like this but you. I love you more then my life!

58. When I think about the future, it’s sometimes scary and filled with uncertainties, but when I remember I have you in my life, I feel at peace knowing I am in safe hands. I might not be sure of what tomorrow holds, but knowing I am on the journey with the most amazing man ever, I am sure it will be filled with lots of joy and happiness. No matter what challenges we might face, I know we will triumph and make a great and formidable team.

59. You’re not just interesting to talk to. You’ve taught me so much about life, about various subjects, about finding joy and happiness. I’ve learned a lot from you. I think you’ve even changed the way I think about somethings. And don’t think I haven’t noticed how often you’re there for me, how much you care about my feelings. You’re always my shoulder to cry on and the best laugh of the day. You’re more than a friend, you know.

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Short Love Paragraphs For Him

60. Each time I see you, each time I look into your eyes, each time I hold your hands. I realize how wonderful you’re to me. The bliss my soul enjoys each time I see your face can brighten the darkest planet. I love you plenty, baby.

61. My heart can’t stop loving you. I don’t even want it to stop, because the thought of you makes my body come alive. One lesson I will teach you about love is to handle this heart with sweet care; there isn’t another like it.

62. The bliss my soul enjoys each time I see your face can brighten the darkest planet. I love you plenty. Your love is engulfing, and the feeling is enticing. Your assurance is comforting, and my heart is in the safest place on earth. I love you.

63. I’ve heard of true love. They exist on storybooks, but it came to reality when you came into my life and made me feel real love. I love you and will always do because you are the best any lady will wish to have by her side. You are the best.

64. I’m happy, I have a life, and I have a good man. I have you, my Love. You are special in every aspect. Each time I look at you, I see more reasons my past relationships didn’t work. You are the one for me until my last days on earth.

65. Heaven sent me an angel. My heart feels joy as never in its entire existence. I won’t repeat goodbye because you are here to stay inside my heart. You are the only one for me. How can I ever think of replacing you? My Superman.

66. Ever since we came together, leaving you is one thing I dread most. Promise me you will remain my Special Kind Of Guy forever! My Love! If you doubt what I feel for you, just listen to my heartbeat and feel it for yourself.

67. Many ask what’s LOVE, and some say it’s Responsibilities. Others call it a Game, and a few sees it as a Dream, but I call it LOVE. Promise me you will always touch my heart the way you always do. I love you, sweet.

68. Your love can heal a cut, your care and affection can soften a stone, your love has made my life beautiful. I love you, baby. I can’t wait to see you because I am tired of seeing you, only in my dreams. I miss you, sweetheart.

69. I will get you anything, any girl will give her boyfriend. I will show you all my heart if you give me all your love. Your presence brings that smile on my lips, even when I don’t wish to have one. Thanks for being the sun during the rainy days.

70. I don’t wish to “Beat around the bush,” I only want you to promise me one thing, “Forever.” Loving you was the best feeling I’ve had in a long while. Staying with you is the feeling I want forever.

71. There are many complications with “Love at first sight,” but I felt a sense of forever the first day we met. I want us to be together today, I want us to be together tomorrow, and I want us to be together forever.

72. It’s always a blessing when you are around, I fell in love when I should, and It’s all because of you. I noticed the honesty in your eyes when you said “I Love You” but I believed it when you made me love you too.

73. Nothing compares to what we share. It’s an unimaginable blessing filled with sweet feelings of love. I always think of you at all times. I pray to God for more years to spend with the man that makes my day lovely. You are my sunshine.

74. I feel good, and I want you to do the same. This moment is special and worth enjoying. I love you, my man, and I will always be your woman, every second, every hour, every year. You’re the King of my heart. We have a bright future ahead of us.

75. It grew slowly like single maize on rocky ground. Suffered many obstructions, but it overcame everything. I love you so much for allowing our love to grow.

76. Babe just wanted to let you know that if anyone tries to flirt with me- whether it’s in person or over a text message- I will proudly let them know that I am in a very committed and loving relationship with my amazing boyfriend.

77. I miss you so much, more and more every single day. And even though we are one day closer to being together again, I still miss you all the same.

78. I once had a competition with adjectives, and I won because adjectives failed to give me a word that described how much you mean to me. I love you more than words could ever describe.

79. I want to be with you and only you for the rest of my life. I want to be with you forever baby. You are the only one for me, I promise you that, and only one I will ever need in my life.

80. You’re my everything and I mean that. I will never forget all of the fun things we’ve done together and the amazing times we have spent together. You have my heart forever and always and nothing will ever change that.

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Sweet Love Paragraphs for Him

81. We started saying “I love you” some hours ago and I’m getting afraid of letting you go. Promise to stay with me even in the darkest hour because each time I pray to God I ask for a moon that will stick around when there is no sun. Then God sent you my way. I love you much.

82. The lovely feeling I get each time you tell me how you feel makes me too dumb to tell you that “I love you too.” There is one essential thing I don’t want to lose. It’s not your tempting eyes, It’s not your comforting voice, It’s not your tender touches. It is you, I don’t want to lose because I love you.

83. When I am with you, I find peace and quietness. I never knew true love was this sweet. You make my life worth living, repeatedly. I love you, baby. There are a million things I want to do now, and one that I can do without distraction is loving you like no other. Order me to love you. Command me to want you, more and more.

84. You are the one that touched my life in more ways than I can recall. Your presence is everything because you are the one who completes me. You are the one for me, and you are my man. I will send you a smile to keep you high, a kiss to set your soul all right. All this to keep you balanced in my heart.

85. I don’t wish to live without you because everything I do revolves around you. I can’t sleep, eat, or imagine my life without you. You are the one for me because your presence in my life made me believe in magic. I might be different, but what I feel for you remains untouched. My love for you is eternal and nothing is changing this feeling.

86. When I’m around you, nothing matters anymore as you’re the only thing that makes my world move around. I heart you. If talking could make you smile, I’ll keep talking all year and forever, to keep a smile on your face all my life.

87. No matter how much time I spend with other people, it compares to nothing when we are with each other. If I am to love any man in my next life, it will be you. Because since the first moment that I saw you, your thought has never left my mind.

88. I have always known how precious you’re to my life. How you brought bliss and happiness. What can I do without you? You are my present, and I don’t think the past is needed. I love you, and I’m never stopping till my very last Breath.

89. A million stars, a million tears and more, I will give it to you. Because the way I feel when we are around is the true definition of love. I want to kiss your lips and hold you tight. I want to look great for you because I want you to know how precious you’re to me.

90. I don’t want the moon, the stars, or the universe. I don’t want a million dollars or golden jewelry. All I need in this lifetime is your love.

91. Am I still everything you need? When your heart beats does it beat for me? When you think about love is my love still yours? What am I worth to you? Am I still the girl you want to marry? Because you are everything to me. I think about you all the time. All I need is to be with you.

92. I am standing here, wearing my heart on my sleeve, waiting for you to come and melt in my arms. I want you to know how much I love you and how much you mean to me.

93. I can say it a million times and it still won’t be enough: I LOVE YOU. Your love is amazing. It’s perfect. It’s great. I’ve seen love before, but not like this. This love is absolutely exceptional. Thank you for being my partner.

94. I cannot believe that you chose to go out with me. When I asked you, I was sure you’d reject me. To my surprise, you said yes and here we are so deeply in love. I cannot wait to continue to wake up next to you for the rest of my life.

95. I don’t like you just on the outside. I like you on the inside as well. You are such a good person and I am so thankful and blessed to have you in my life.

96. Do you know the thing I love about you the most? Well, the first thing is your eyes. Yes, your eyes. Your beautiful eyes drew me into you. Your eyes are full of so much strength, beauty and wisdom. I fell in love with you entirely, heart and soul but I fell in love with your eyes first.

97. Since you have come into my life, I have never known what sadness is. Today my life is full of positivity and hopes. I never thought someone could have such an impact on my life. I am lucky for the love you have given me.

98. Without you here, my life would be so empty. If you were gone, the sun would never shine again on me. A cold bitterness would encase me. My light would burn out entirely. Without you I would have and be nothing at all. I would cease to exist. Please, keep me whole.

99. I wanted to tell you thank you for trusting me with your heart. I could not ask for a better present or a more immense responsibility if I try. I may not be perfect, but I will try to earn your love and trust each and every day of our relationship.

100. Love has never felt so complete and perfect and has never tasted so sweet. You have given me a brand new definition of love, and I am just so hungry for more and more of you.

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Maatie Kalokoh is a writer who focuses on love, relationship and pop-culture topics.

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NEWS... BUT NOT AS YOU KNOW IT

What James Bond bosses are really looking for from the next 007

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Ever since Daniel Craig confirmed his exit from the James Bond franchise, all eyes have been on who could possibly replace him as the superspy.

There has been intense speculation about who could take over the role in the build up to the untitled 26th film, with Idris Elba, Tom Hardy, Henry Cavill and James Norton among those linked to all things 007.

Amid claims that a British actor had been formally offered the part , it was falsely reported that Aaron Taylor-Johnson had been cast, with more suggestions that Taron Egerton is now the favorite .

While fans are desperately waiting for the star to be unveiled, casting director Debbie McWilliams shed light on exactly what producer Barbara Broccoli is looking for in her next action lead.

Speaking to  Metro.co.uk before the release of No Time To Die, Debbie McWilliams – who has been in charge of casting every Bond film since GoldenEye in 1995 – opened up about how the star-studded line-ups are shaped.

‘They have to be extremely charismatic, fit and prepared for their lives to change,’ she told us. ‘It’s not everybody who wants that kind of stardom.

‘In fact, Daniel has very much steered himself away from any of that, and I think he’s done that very cleverly. He hasn’t sought the limelight, he’s just been happy to do the job.

‘I think that you need to have a certain modesty and know whose shoes you’re stepping into.’

Barbara already had Daniel in mind to replace Pierce Brosnan – whose last outing as 007 came in 2002 blockbuster, Die Another Day.

The Knives Out actor made his debut Casino Royal four years later, before filming Quantum of Solace, Skyfall and Spectre.

He announced that 2021’s No Time To Die would be his last effort as the spy, sparking the hunt for the next action hero.

Lifting the lid on how the casting process works on such a huge production, Debbie shared that the auditions are kept completely under wraps – even down to the material possible stars see beforehand.

‘We’re all very discreet and we give nothing away, and we let nothing out of our hands,’ she continued. ‘The audition process is quite different from any other film that I work on, in that we never, ever, ever use the script that’s being shot.

‘We always use an old script and take scenes that are either similar, or will give an impression or an idea of how the person will perform. Just to give us an idea on screen of what they sound like, what they look like.

‘Particularly on this last one, I think a lot of people who worked on production didn’t even see a script. It’s kept close to our hearts.’

And, if you’re hoping to find yourself cast on the next big screen adventure, we suggest getting on the next flight, ferry or train to Paris…

‘I start by reading the script several times to get underneath it and see what’s required, and then delve into the dark corners of my mind to see who inspires me, and who I think would be right,’ Debbie said of her process.

‘Then if there aren’t any immediate, obvious solutions to that, then I go out and look for people.

‘That’s what’s been the great joy for me on the Bond films, particularly is that I’ve, over the years, been given carte blanche to go wherever I want to go.

‘So, if we’re filming in Germany, then I will go to Germany. And if I think that it’s a good idea to go to Paris to meet the leading ladies, then I go to Paris.

‘In fact, Paris has been one of our most fruitful casting areas. I’m always very open to suggestions, and I’m there and I’m available. We do meet lots and lots of people, but usually, it whittles down to two or three in the end for each role.’

You can find us hanging around near the Eiffel Tower from now on…

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Guest Essay

Learning to Love My Father as His Mind Unraveled

By Cornelia Channing

Ms. Channing is an editorial assistant in Opinion.

When I was around 10 years old, my father started hiding bananas in our house.

We found them in the dishwasher, in the junk drawer, behind the potted plants. I once came upon an entire bunch hanging from the shower head. Too often, he hid them so well — tucked beneath a pile of blankets in a rarely opened closet, say — that we found them only when they started to smell. When confronted, Dad denied it, but we knew it was him.

On their own, the bananas might have been amusing. Like a surrealist art project. But they were part of a more troubling pattern.

He had started acting strange in other ways, too: making jokes that no one could understand and forgetting things, like where he’d parked or the name of the owner of the diner where he’d been a regular for years.

A wood sculptor, he had always been obsessive, almost rabid, about his work. He was up at 5 or 6 every morning and spent every moment he could in his studio, pausing only to eat, which was done standing up over the kitchen sink. But now it was as if someone had yanked out his batteries.

He took to spending large parts of each day sitting in his car in the driveway, poring over the newspaper, circling seemingly random words and scribbling notes that said things like “Welcome to the information age” and “There’s only one way to find out!” When we asked him what he was doing, he brushed us off.

My mother took him to the doctor. They ran some tests and said he was fine, but he was not fine. He was agitated all the time. Both listless and restless. He would wander from room to room as though he was looking for something. Or else he’d sit and stare blankly at some point in the middle distance, disappearing into himself for whole afternoons.

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