arranged marriage pros and cons essay

Arranged Marriages’ Advantages and Disadvantages

Welcome to our argumentative essay sample on arranged marriage: advantages and disadvantages. Here, you’ll find the disadvantages and advantages of arranged marriage, discussion, statistics, and other aspects of the debate.

Arranged Marriage: Essay Introduction

Arranged marriages in the modern society, arranged marriage advantages and disadvantages, advantages of arranged marriages, disadvantages of arranged marriages, arranged marriage: essay conclusion, works cited.

Arranged marriages were very popular in traditional societies across the world. Arranged marriage was considered the best way through which a man or woman of the right age could get the right life partner for the continuity of a given lineage. However, modernization and Westernization have changed this mindset about arranged marriages not only in Western countries but also in various parts of the world.

Inasmuch as arranged marriages are still common all over the world. Many people now prefer selecting their life partners through unarranged processes. The debate about the relevance of arranged marriages is still raging in various societies across the world.

The practice is still common among Muslim communities, but the current generation is very keen on selecting their life partners based on love other than through arranged processes. This does not mean that arranged marriages are non-existence in the modern society. According to Tseng (127), arranged marriages are still common in the current society. The researcher seeks to determine the benefits and shortcomings of having arranged marriages.

Arranged married were very common in past societies. Many factors made arranged marriages to be very important in traditional societies. Entezar (52) gives an example of a typical Muslim society in Saudi Arabia, where arranged marriages were very common in the past.

In this society, morality was highly valued. As children grew up, they had to understand and appreciate their identity. Boys had to grow up knowing that they would be heads of their families and had to work hard towards making their future life as good as they desired. On the other side, girls had to grow up knowing that they were responsible for household chores. They had to know how to prepare their homes and take care of their children.

At the adolescent stage, there were strict rules concerning the manner in which adolescent boys and girls were expected to interact. At this delicate stage of development, boys were not expected to mingle freely with girls (Lamanna and Riedmann 33). This was important because the elders knew that if this happened, then these teenagers might find themselves engaging in irresponsible behavior that may ruin the future of the girls. Society highly cherished the virginity of a woman at marriage, and this was one of the ways of protecting it.

In this kind of social setting, it was very difficult for young adults planning to marry to mingle with the members of the opposite sex so that they could understand each other and determine whether they were in love and could live together. This made it necessary for the parents or the society to arrange the marriages for their children.

With all the experience they had and knowledge about other families, parents could determine the appropriate life partner for their children. In most cases, they would conduct an investigation on the family and the man or woman who is planned to be the life partner of their children.

When they were satisfied, they would inform their children about the intended union. According to Roberts (78), although the two who were to be unionized were given the liberty to give their verdict over the issue, especially the man, they were expected to respect their parents’ opinion. However, rejecting a partner that the parents had approved was considered rude and unethical. For this reason, the parents’ decision would prevail, and the marriage would proceed with the blessings of parents from both sides.

The social structure of many communities around the world is changing very first due to the changes brought about by science and technology. It is common for an Emirati girl to travel to the United Kingdom or the United States at a tender age for further studies. Similarly, people from other parts of the world are flocking to the United Arab Emirates for various reasons, from tourism to trade. For instance, Dubai is currently one of the most diversified cities on earth because of its relevance as a strategic business hub.

As Tseng (43) puts it, the current society is a global village. The emergence of modern technologies and the relevance of the Western education system have redefined the social structure of society not only in the Middle East but also in the entire world. A child does not need to leave Abu Dhabi for the United States in order to be Westernized. The movies they watch and the music they listen to make them question some of the established systems in their traditional setting.

In the current society, it is not possible to prevent close interactions between adolescent girls and boys in Muslim communities. Parents have realized that the best gift they can give to their children is formal education, irrespective of their gender. For this reason, boys and girls will mingle freely at school.

They share classrooms, and sometimes, they are assigned tasks together. According to Lamanna and Riedmann (33), teachers have been forced to bear the pressure from human rights activists who insist on giving both boys and girls equal opportunities at school. This involves treating them equally in every activity, especially at higher levels of learning.

In this highly integrated setting, young adults can get to understand each other. A young man planning to marry should know that different women behave differently. The same case will apply to a woman. She will know the kind of man she would want as a life partner. Entezar (39) calls this liberation. The education system liberates the mind of the younger generation from tight control from their parents.

They can look at the world from their own perspective to determine what they want in life. The main question that many people have been asking is the relevance of arranged marriages in the current liberated society. In the past, young adults would not mingle easily, and this made it difficult to choose the right life partner. In the current society, this has changed as the education system makes it possible for these people to interact very closely.

In the past, knowledge and wisdom were believed to rest with the elders, and their views were almost considered a sacred command that was not to be questioned, even if it was apparent that they were in error. In the current society, the younger populations have been liberated, and they have the capacity to advise the elders about the future.

Despite these facts, a number of people still find arranged marriages very important for the well-being of the couple and the community at large. At this stage, it will be important to analyze the benefits and shortcomings of arranged marriages.

Arranged marriages remain popular not only among Muslims but also in other societies around the world. According to Tseng (81), even in the West, it is common to see parents trying to influence the choice of life partners for their children.

This is an indication that even with all the education that their children may have and the westernizations- having been born and brought up in the West, the parents always have the feeling that their children could make a mistake when choosing their life partners. This creates a feeling that they should play a role in making this important choice. This is a strong suggestion that arranged marriages have benefits that should not be ignored.

One of the biggest advantages of arranged marriages is that the partners will have a perfect match when it comes to culture, religion, social status, lifestyle, and many other factors that always affect the compatibility of couples. As Browne (83) notes, basing marriage on love is great, but sometimes when love defines everything, then one would be blinded to some of the social incompatibilities that may make life difficult for the couple after marriage.

It will force the partners to make compromises, some of which may go against one’s own beliefs and customs. At the early stages of life, making such compromises may be simple because of the infatuation brought about by the feeling of love.

However, as the couple settles down in marriage, these realities start setting in, and it may cause serious strains in the relationship. Unless the couple is strong-willed and determined to make everything work in their favor, the marriage can be brought to an end after a short while. The following figure shows the rising cases of divorce in the UAE from 1960 to 2008.

This problem can easily be solved when the marriages are arranged. The people arranging the marriage will ensure that the couple is perfectly compatible before they can be allowed to marry.

It is a fact that in arranged marriages, the couple gets to benefit from the support they get from their parents and family members. When parents and members of the community are allowed to play a part in arranging the marriage, they will feel honored. They will take all the responsibilities in the entire marriage process. The parties who are getting into this union will be relieved of the financial burden that is involved in organizing the marriage.

Members of the community will ensure that all the expenses are addressed because it is their responsibility. All the tasks will be addressed from the communal level, meaning that the couple will get maximum support when organizing the wedding. The feeling that family members are happy with the marriage also has a positive psychological impact on the partners.

They will start life knowing that they have the full support of members of their communities. In such weddings, people will come and celebrate together as they witness the union. Given the fact that they were the organizers, make feel responsible. They will bring many gifts to help the couple start life without struggling much.

Marriages are designed to last forever, whether it is in the traditional setting or in modern Westernized society. When two people come together in marriage through the support of the parents and community members, they get a wide base of moral support whenever they have problems in their families.

Given the fact that members of the society organized their marriage, they have the moral authority to go back to them in case they are experiencing problems. Parents from both sides can be called to help solve the problem, and they will feel obliged to extend their help. The two will realize that their union is not limited to their family. Such unions bring together the entire community, and this minimizes the chances of divorce.

Every member of the community will try to help the couple work out their way in life, even in the face of challenges. The partners from both sides will also find themselves with a moral obligation to the community. They will know that their families and society cherish their marriage. This will make them determined to find solutions to the problems that may affect their marriage as a way of respecting their family members. In such unions, even children group up knowing the importance of love and family ties.

According to a survey conducted by Roberts (2), arranged marriages are becoming less common in modern society. This is so because people have come to realize that arranged marriages have a number of flaws that make them undesirable. Below are the results obtained from the survey in four countries about the attitude of members of society towards arranged marriages.

From the statistics shown above, it is clear that most of the participants in this survey noted that they do not have favorable attitudes toward arranged marriages. They noted a number of factors that make them feel that arranged marriages are a practice that should not be encouraged in modern society. The following are some of the specific disadvantages of arranged marriages. According to Browne (73), in arranged marriages, the decision to choose one’s partner is taken away from one’s hands.

The elders have the sole discretion of choosing a life partner for an individual who plans to marry. Marriage is a complex process that involves bringing together two completely different individuals into a lifetime union. The personality of the life partner will define the quality of life one has.

Given the sensitivity of this issue, one should be allowed to take time to understand the other person who is supposed to be the life partner. This would require a long time of interaction, trying to understand the personality of the person to determine if a life together can be a personality. The opportunity is denied to people who engage in arranged marriages.

According to Lamanna and Riedmann (33), in most cases, couples in arranged marriages find themselves in union with people who have contrasting personalities. It is important to appreciate that sharing religious beliefs, cultural practices, or social status may not necessarily make them compatible. The personalities of an individual may not be rigidly defined using demographical factors. Sometimes people of a completely different caste may find themselves more compatible than those that share their caste.

What makes the whole system very complex is the attachment that members of the family will have to that marriage. The two couples may be forced to stay together even if they find fundamental contrasts in their personalities simply because their parents and community members arranged their marriage. Such people will stay in their marriages because of the wish of their parents. As Entezar (67) notes, the marriage will cease to be blissful, and it will turn into a prison, as demonstrated in the figure below.

As demonstrated in the above figure, the partners will have more questions than answers in their union. Happiness will be gone, and in most cases, they will regret why they accepted the union in the first place. According to Lamanna and Riedmann (33), love in arranged marriages takes a secondary position. The partners are not given time to bond and develop love towards each other before their marriage.

Those who are involved in arranging the marriage always assume that the two will develop an attraction and love towards each other once they are in a marriage. However, this fallacy should be avoided. Chances are high that if the two entered into a marriage without love, then they may spend their entire lives without loving each other.

Entezar (56) describes such unions as marriages of convenience. The parties involved in the marriage will not be doing it for their own sake and for the sake of love. They will be doing it for the sake of their parents. They will be trying to please people around them, disregarding the importance of a strong bond that is always created by love. This weakens the foundation of their marriage.

The research by Browne (47) shows that arranged marriages are vulnerable to interferences from external forces. When family members participate in bringing the couple together, they will develop a feeling that they have the right to define the way the family is run. Each of the family members will make an effort to define the way the couple will be leading their lives. In some cases, these family members may find themselves positions in the newly created family.

They will want to visit the new family at wish, and whenever they have a personal problem, they will demand help from the couple simply because they participated in bringing them together. As Tseng (112) says, such environments are not good for the growth of the new family. Sometimes the demands of these family members may be unrealistic. Such negative forces are uncommon when the couple makes their own decisions when marrying.

Arranged marriages are still commonly practiced in the modern society. It is clear from the above discussion that this form of marriage was more common in traditional societies than it is in the current society. However, even in the current society, it is clear that one cannot dismiss the relevance of arranged marriages.

These marriages help in bringing family members together when choosing a life partner. This research reveals that despite these advantages, arranged marriages also have shortcomings that should be considered before a family can subject one of their own to it. Based on this discussion, using a blend of arranged and unarranged marriages may be of great benefit to the members of the family and, most importantly, to the couple.

Browne, Ken. An Introduction to Sociology . Cambridge: Polity Press, 2011. Print.

Entezar, Eshan. Afghanistan 101: Understanding Afghan Culture . New Jersey: Xlibris Corporation, 2008. Print.

Lamanna, Mary, and Agnes. Riedmann. Marriages & Families: Making Choices and Facing Change . Belmont: Wadsworth, 2006. Print.

Roberts, Kathleen. Communication Ethics: Between Cosmopolitanism and Provinciality . New York: Lang, 2008. Print.

Tseng, Wen-Shing. Handbook of Cultural Psychiatry . San Diego: Academic Press, 2001. Print.

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Article Contents

I. introduction, ii. misunderstanding the arranged marriage, iii. understanding arranged marriage, iv. conclusion and suggestions for further research.

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Understanding Arranged Marriage: An Unbiased Analysis of a Traditional Marital Institution

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Naema N Tahir, Understanding Arranged Marriage: An Unbiased Analysis of a Traditional Marital Institution, International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family , Volume 35, Issue 1, 2021, ebab005, https://doi.org/10.1093/lawfam/ebab005

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This research asks one simple question, a question many studies on the arranged marriage omit to ask, namely “What exactly is the arranged marriage?” Author Naema Tahir, born and bred in the arranged marriage culture, but educated in the free-choice marriage culture, argues that much literature on the arranged marriage fails to offer full exploration of this traditional marital system. Instead, the arranged marriage is often analysed through the lens of the modern free choice marriage system. However, this is not a neutral lens. It considers the free choice marriage to be the ideal. As a result, the arranged marriage is perceived to be a “marriage of shortcomings”, one that fails to meet the standards of the free-choice marriage system. The author encourages readers to break this frame and offers a neutral perspective on this traditional marital system practised by billions around the world. Readers are invited to an in-depth and rigorous analysis of the foundations upon which the arranged marriage system rests. While this analysis zooms in on the case study of one particular focus group, the British Pakistani diaspora, it reveals broad insights into the arranged marriage system in general. This analysis highlights and critically examines social principles fundamental to the arranged marriage system and which are much misunderstood, such as hierarchy, patriarchy, collectivism, group loyalty and the role of parental and individual marital consent. The author argues that it is vital to first understand the traditional structures of the arranged marriage, before one can understand modernizing tendencies the arranged marriage system is currently undergoing. As such, this study hugely contributes to an unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage and changing arranged marriage patterns and is a valuable reading for those interested in marriage, marital systems and the future thereof.

There is a tendency in academic literature to view the arranged marriage from the lens of the autonomous marriage. In this literature the arranged marriage is compared in a binary to the autonomous marriage. 1 While a comparison of the arranged marriage to the autonomous marriage should be an unbiased one, the contrary is true. From this binary, both marital systems are not viewed neutrally. The autonomous marriage, thriving on individual choice, is perceived to be the ideal marital system, while the arranged marriage, supported by traditional kin authority, is not considered ideal. Resulting from this, the autonomous marriage sets the standards of an ideal marriage all marriages must aim for, including the arranged marriage. The arranged marriage is then measured by characteristics typical of the autonomous marriage system. However, the arranged marriage, even in its most modern manifestation, is not an autonomous marriage. Monitoring the arranged marriage as if it were or should be autonomous, emphasizes defects, deficits, lacunas in the arranged marriage on matters related to autonomy. Measured this way, the arranged marriage turns into something faulty. It becomes a marriage of shortcomings.

There is a necessity to study the arranged marriage on its own terms and not in a binary with the autonomous marriage. 2 This will enable judging the arranged marriage on the qualities and rewards it holds for its practitioners. At its core, this article hopes to contribute to an understanding of the arranged marriage from an unbiased lens.

This article is set up in three sections.

Section II will investigate biased understandings of the arranged marriage in more detail, by critically evaluating the binary approach in scholarly literature, illustrated further by a study of a variety of categorizations and close interpretation of definitions on the arranged marriage. Section II argues that in scholarly literature, the arranged marriage is framed as a lesser version of the ideal of autonomous conjugal union.

Section III will aim to construct a Weberian ideal type 3 of the traditional arranged marriage as a useful tool that offers neutral, unbiased insights into general features all arranged marriage systems, to varying degrees, share. The arranged marriage will be understood as a guardianship invested marital system, which is organized in a hierarchical, aristocratic manner, upheld by parental authority, group orientation and belonging. This section will provide a conceptual, theoretical analysis of the arranged marriage by drawing on literature that intersects between tradition and modernity, by leading scholars in the field. 4 Through this analysis a marital system will surface which is embedded in a cultural inherited belief that the young must be relieved of mate-selection which is perceived, not so much as a harmless liberty with mere individual impact, but as a burden that the strongest shoulders in the community must be bear, and as a choice that has broad implications for the family, extended family, and community.

Section IV will conclude as to how knowledge on the arranged marriage proper, as an aristocratic guardianship system, can be applied to the varied practices of changing patterns in arranged marriages, that include the increasing involvement of the young in mate-selection and marriage making. This section will also offer suggestions for further research.

This article will focus on analyses of conjugal practices of British immigrant Pakistanis residing in the UK, the largest Pakistani diaspora in the world that strongly upholds the arranged marriage system. While narrowing down the focus to one culture, norm and values will surface that typically underlie the arranged marriage system in general.

For this article, the following working definition of arranged marriage will be employed: marriage for which the mate selection is under the guardianship and authority of elders of the (extended) families of both marital agents and that aligns the families in a durable relational bond that allows for a legitimate space and belonging for the conjugal union. 5 The following working definition will be employed of the autonomous marriage: marriage for which the mate selection is undertaken by the marital agents, who base their selection on subjective criteria with the aim to align the agents in a durable relational conjugal union. 6

1. Biased Binary Approach

The so-called binary approach in the study or representation of the arranged marriage is much criticized in literature. 7 This binary is considered ‘liberal individualist’ 8 or Eurocentric. 9 Set in a binary with the autonomous marriage, the arranged marriage is judged by the idealized standards of the autonomous marriage. That which is idealized is individual freedom and conjugal choice. Individualism is considered progressive, there is free choice and the freeing of individual potential. 10 The autonomous marriage elevates the individual who emancipated themselves and rose from the bonds of a history in which marriage choices were not left to solely the individuals. 11 Individuals assume that this transformation from ‘arranged marriages to love matches is progressive and “healthy” … the result should be happier marriages’. 12 Central to the autonomous marriage is the nuclear family, otherwise known as the conjugal or the atomistic family. 13 The dissolving of the extended family into the nuclear family is also seen as a marker of modernity and progress. 14 Modernity signifies improvement, including modernity in the way one marries. 15 Through modernization, arranged marriage will be replaced by self-chosen unions. 16 ‘[A]lthough Western ideas about the family are often opposed or resisted at first, many of these ideas are nevertheless adopted, often in modified forms, because the Western style family is so closely associated with development.’ 17 And while this theory may have its critics, 18 this article claims that it still holds ground as regards arranged marriage.

As suggested by the convergence theory and developmental paradigm, 19 the arranged marriage is held to the expectation that it will one day adapt to the Western ways, and advance into the autonomous marriage, as a sign of emancipation, of progress.

Until then, the arranged marriage appears lacking in those very features so particular of the autonomous marriage: free choice, individual energy, emphasis on the idiocentric conjugal union and the self-centred nuclear family. Literature magnifies those very features and puts the arranged marriage to the test: can it fulfil standards of full and free autonomy? Failing to do so turns the arranged marriage into something faulty. The arranged marriage culture is seen as ‘deficient’ and ‘deformed’. 20 It becomes the ‘other’. 21 ‘[T]he “Orient” is constructed and represented in the binary opposition against the Occident as the “Other”.’ 22 This binary distinction ‘[p]roblematically contributes to the discursive portrayal of arranged marriages as certainly less than and other to mainstream marriage practices’. 23

The social principles of individual freedom and autonomy are given much weight in perspectives on the arranged marriage. However, such principles are not neutral. They are ‘European values, assumptions, cultural codes’, are ‘culturally-determined and biased’, and offer ‘limited historical perspectives’, 24 providing a lens through which the arranged marriage is evaluated. There then, is a free-choice system at one end of the spectrum, a space that cannot be shared with the arranged marriage, for that is a parent-orchestrated endeavour and parents’ ‘subtle coercion has a tainting effect on the child's quality of choice’. 25 Thus emerges at the other end of the spectrum the not so free system called the arranged marriage.

Of course, the arranged marriage is certainly not considered a forced marriage in the studied literature—though media often equate the two. 26 However, literature on the arranged marriage frequently mentions forced unions and thus frequently connects arranged marriage to forced marriage. Besides, an overlap between arranged and forced marriage is often recognized and referred to as a ‘grey area’ with the potential of ‘slippage:’ the slightest increase of duress can lead the arranged marriage to ‘slip’ into a forced one. 27 The arranged marriage is always haunted by force.

The heightened attention to freedom and the lack thereof highlights consent, arguably the most important legal principle the arranged marriage is expected to prove. This consent must be full and free. 28 A recurring question in literature is whether arranged marriage supports full and free consent. 29 If consent is present, the union is considered an arranged marriage. Without consent the union is considered coerced. Consent separates arranged marriage from forced marriage. 30 This leads to a preoccupation in legal and policy discourse with the presence of consent and the absence of coercion in the arranged marriage. 31 The presence of consent and the absence of coercion determine the value of the arranged marriage. In essence, the arranged marriage is framed in yet another binary: that between consent versus coercion, a binary that is damaging and limiting. 32 The culture of the arranged marriage in itself becomes problematic. 33 This culture needs to prove constantly that there is no coercion involved. In addition, the binary is limiting in a different sense too. Consent, full and free is a human rights standard, 34 as well as a legal tool to declare the legitimacy of marriage as an uncoerced union. 35 Yet, consent as it operates in the law is given a ‘Western individualistic bent’. 36 As such, read in ‘plain language’ ‘only “free market” or choice marriages —a hallmark of Western societies—meet the “free and full” requirement because “there is nothing to prevent men and women from taking spouses which do not meet their families” approval’. 37

Arranged marriage contexts do not evolve around the freeing of individual energy. They are characterized by collective dynamisms with a particular ‘distribution of power and wider familial and community involvement’. 38 ‘The arranged marriage process, heavily reliant on parental and sometimes extended family input, fails to measure up to the requirements of free and full consent.’ 39 The attention given to full consent ignores that something given an individualistic bent is a strange bedfellow in a system that is not primarily or fully individualistic, nor aims to be. Consent is a universal principle which certainly has its place in the arranged marriage system. Yet, the language of consent in the discourse on arranged marriage is an expression of the ‘rational individual with free will’ 40 or the ‘free self’. 41 It is the language of an atomistic individual, of ‘an autonomous agent who is able to choose and act freely’. 42 This is not the language of a member deeply engrained in community belonging, duty, and purpose.

To reiterate, individual autonomy, including the right to consent, dictates the preoccupation in literature on arranged marriage. Notions such as agency, control, freedom to date, freedom to reject a selected candidate, negotiating power, the right of marital subjects to fall in love, choice and the freedom to self-select, receive profound consideration as a consequence.

In this regard, it is illustrative that arranged marriage is often categorized in types which reflect differing amounts of yet again this very notion of individual autonomy. There are three main types of categorization: traditional, semi-arranged, or love-arranged marriage types. 43 Arranged marriages earmarked as traditional are described as offering no or very little involvement by the young, 44 as if involvement or the lack thereof is the only feature of traditional arranged marriage. Semi-arranged or hybrid types, also known as joint-venture types, point to control shared by the elders and the young alike, 45 which again only emphasize this control as a shared element, as if nothing is of any relevance other than control . Finally, the love-arranged types are embodiments of near full individual control and individual love. 46 This categorization according to a ‘sliding scale of control’ 47 does not highlight what the arranged marriage in general is or what it offers, other than control, to those practising it. Some authors even reject ‘arranged’ as a word to describe this marital system, as this word suggests a lack of control. 48 Individual control has become a dominating feature by which arranged marriage is judged. But it is again agency and control towards more autonomy that academics are consumed with and not agency or autonomy towards more traditional features arranged marriage offers. Those are simply ignored or not sought for. Those remain irrelevant and underexamined.

There could only be one reason why social principles that are founded upon the philosophy of idiocentrism and the freeing of individual energy, are tirelessly sought in a system that thrives on allocentrism, group-belonging and honour for group loyalty. Arguably, the arranged marriage culture only seems to satisfy the Eurocentric mind if it contains the same recognizable ingredients as the autonomous marriage culture. And as it does not, the arranged marriage represents a lesser marital version than the prized autonomous marriage.

2. Biased Definitions of Arranged Marriage

The above bias is reflected in descriptions and definitions of the arranged marriage. Many descriptions or definitions only really offer information as to who selects the mate, eg ‘parent orchestrated alliances’, 49 or ‘marriages that are instigated by the family’, 50 or ‘arranged by family members or respected members in the religious or ethnic community’. 51 Other definitions view the arranged marriage from a biased Eurocentric appreciation. These definitions accentuate ‘individualizing tendencies’. 52

While there is nothing wrong with individuation and autonomy, especially if so desired by those involved in arranged marriages, 53 headlining these modern notions points to a Eurocentric domination as to how the arranged marriage ought to be valued. Simultaneously, such one-sided promotion undervalues notions that cannot be grouped under ‘individualizing tendencies’ and the freeing of individual energy.

A case in point are the following definitions. Arranged marriages are featured as those ‘in which the spouses are chosen for one another by third parties to the marriage such as parents or elder relatives’, 54 or ‘the partners to which are chosen by others , usually their parents’. 55 In these definitions elders are referred to as ‘third parties’ or ‘others’. These wordings seem innocent, yet they are not. They suggest that marital subjects are the ‘first parties’. This qualification is justified if marriage is perceived to be an alliance between individuals, which is the case in the autonomous marriage system. This qualification is not correct if marriage is seen as an alliance between (extended) families, which emerges in the arranged marriage system. 56 ‘ First ’ parties suggests a hierarchy above ‘ third ’ parties, which is not an attribute of the arranged marriage system where singular members of the group, in this case the marital agents, are not valued above the elders or generally above one’s group. Similarly, mentioning that ‘parents rather than. spouses’ or ‘two families rather than individuals’ 57 contract a marriage is again pointing to a Eurocentric preference for self-selection.

Other definitions amplify attention to the individual more explicitly. For example in the definition ‘marriage arranged by the families of the individuals’, 58 the individual is seen as a separate entity, while, as we shall learn in Section III, a ‘tradition directed person … hardly thinks of himself as an individual’. 59 Indeed, ‘[t]he ideology that underpins a South Asian “arranged” marriage is that obligations to one’s immediate and more extended family have priority over personal self-interest’. 60 Ignoring this, is judging the arranged marriage from a ‘Western individualistic bent’. 61 In the same vein, many definitions contain the words ‘control’, ‘agency’ ‘choice,’ which all emphasize individual autonomy as the standard and which in effect draw attention to arranged marriage as primarily a space where marital agents negotiate increasing amounts of individual control. Other definitions refer to this ‘control’ highlighting dominion and power, suggesting that the arranged marriage is a battlefield between the elders and the young: ‘Traditional arranged marriage placed considerable power in the hands of the parents, and in particularly the father’. 62 Or, ‘In “traditional” societies, parents or the extended family dominate marriage choices’. 63 The power difference referred to suggests there are two parties with opposing aims and interests, which again is not an insightful reflection of unified interests so characteristic of group cultures. Also, culture here is presented as merely problematic: a father’s or parent’s role is that of power or domination, with negative connotations, and not much else.

A third set of definitions emphasizes the changing and flexible arranged marriage types, especially towards offering more control to the individual. It seems as if the arranged marriage is trying to prove that it is very capable of accommodating modernity and is progressive and evolving, for it has choice, agency, room for dating and romance, or the right of marital agents to say ‘no’ at any stage of the arrangement. This latter is illustrated well by Ahmad’s words referring to marriage as a dynamic process: ‘a family-facilitated introduction of a potentially suitable matched prospective candidate followed by a managed pattern of courtship prior to a potential, and agreed to marriage’. 64 Her words seem to suggest that the only acceptable arranged marriage is a progressive arranged marriage, one that resembles the autonomous marriage.

Love too, when mentioned, generally suggests lovelessness in arranged marriage as opposed to true love in autonomous marriage. 65 Arranged marriages are contrasted to marriage where there is romantic love 66 or to ‘love marriages’ based on romantic attachment between the couple’. 67 Arranged marriages when ‘a couple validates its love choice to their respective families’ 68 would be termed love-arranged or western type marriages. One commonly held view is that love will (hopefully) grow in arranged marriage as time passes. 69 Reference to ‘marriage, then love’, 70 supports this theory. Or when ‘love is not forthcoming’ the couple ‘are increasingly supported to divorce … ’. 71 In these examples it is yet again the love between the spouses, primarily romantic, sensual love, or individual affection that is stressed, which again celebrates the love so typical in the autonomous marriage system. 72

Families that are not conjugal have valued ‘not affection, but duty, obligation, honour, mutual aid, and protection … ’. 73 Such love for family or culture or any type of gift-love 74 are hardly mentioned in descriptions of arranged marriage. Even when ‘companionate’ love features, the focus remains on the spouse’s companionship for one another, and not for any(thing) other. Arguably the Eurocentric perspective holds little regard for other loves than the romantic.

3. Evaluation of Biased Science on the Arranged Marriage

The manner in which the arranged marriage is described in the literature studied is a marker of recognizing the arranged marriage as worthwhile only in so far it mirrors the characteristics of the autonomous marriage system. The words employed to describe the arranged marriage reflect autonomy-related values, but exclude community-related values that are foundational to the arranged marriage system. The arranged marriage is thus undervalued for the fundamental characteristics upon which it rests. These are ignored, not understood, arguably misunderstood, if at all known. Set against the autonomous marriage, the arranged marriage then becomes the other, deficient, deformed, a marriage of shortcomings, a marriage lacking in freedom and a marriage that is catching up and trying to prove it is not as traditional, thus not so backwards or rigid as analysts of the arranged marriage suggest.

The arranged marriage proper then remains a much understudied marital system and can only be understood by abandoning the binary approach and adopting a neutral lens. One needs ‘to turn the picture round’ as Tocqueville puts, in his eloquent study of aristocratic systems. 75 Such an aristocratic system is the arranged marriage, as we shall learn below.

As mentioned before, arranged marriages are frequently categorized in types, varying from traditional to hybrid to loosely arranged modern versions. They are frequently studied individually, through empirical research which offers a rich, complex, and varied analysis of arranged marriage practices, in diaspora communities, transnational communities as well as in communities and cultures around the world that are globalizing and are in transition. Yet, while all arranged marriages are arguably different, all do share a basic set of similarities. This section aims to bring these to the surface, drawing on sociology, so as to arrive at an ideal type of the arranged marriage.

The arranged marriage as an ideal type is a theoretical construct. 76 The ideal type emphasizes typical features of the arranged marriage, which all concrete individual arranged marriages share with one another and which are presented ‘into a unified analytical construct’. 77 As such the ideal type, ‘in its conceptual purity … cannot be found empirically anywhere in reality’. 78 ‘It is a utopia’. 79 Yet, it is a necessary tool to bring to the surface a neutral, unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage. It is also a ‘measuring rod’ 80 to measure the reality of cultural differences or change the arranged marriage system is constantly undergoing. 81

Before I proceed, it is vital to address academic opposition against the essentialization of the arranged marriage system. This essentialization is criticized as it captures the arranged marriage in a binary opposition with the autonomous marriage, idealizing the autonomous marriage and ‘othering’ the arranged marriage. This essentialization exaggerates cultural difference. 82 It portrays the arranged marriage as a rigid, static, unchanging, unnuanced system. 83 It ‘assumes the complete hold over the migrant of traditional gender and family norms by underscoring the foreignness of … arranged marriages’. 84 Authors opposing this essentialization are quick to point out that the arranged marriage is a dynamic and highly flexible system, that is able to accommodate change, modernization, individualizing tendencies, agency, romantic love and negotiating spaces, in which especially women assume more control in their endeavours to navigate around victimization by patriarchy. 85

What these scholars are in actual fact doing, unknowingly, is trying to exhibit to the Eurocentric mind evidence that the arranged marriage resembles the autonomous marriage. These authors demonstrate that the arranged marriage is very capable of upholding choice, agency, and control. These authors preoccupy themselves with bringing those qualities in the arranged marriage to the surface of their research. Sequentially, traditional features of this marital system remain understudied.

This section will not essentialize the arranged marriage system from a Eurocentric viewpoint for it desires not to repeat the othering of the arranged marriage. It will not try to prove that the arranged marriage is a flexible modern institution able to accommodate a constant flux of variety and diversity. As valuable as an investigation of that change may be, one cannot study the arranged marriage by studying how it absorbs constant flux. ‘[W]eber defines reality as an “infinite flux” which cannot be apprehended in its totality’. 86 One cannot apprehend arranged marriage on its fundamental shared characteristics if only the constant flux and change towards autonomy dominate academic engagement.

Despite being diverse and different on individual level, there are common qualities that make a marriage an arranged marriage and thus a largely unexamined ideal type of the arranged marriage will be examined in Section III of this article. The rich diversity between cultures, countries, social and economic classes, between religions and religious denominations, between those that have migrated and those that have not, as well as the constant evolution of the arranged marriage, will be left to the efforts of other scholars. 87

At its core, all arranged marriage cultures have marriage arrangers, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All marriage arrangers are senior members of the family or community, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures value marriage to be arranged by these senior marriage arrangers, whether these arrangers operate on their own or co-jointly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures consider mate selection to be not primarily the responsibility of the marital agents, whether they share this responsibility substantially or subtly with the marital agents. All arranged marriage cultures consider mate-selection physically and mentally risky, shameful and burdensome for the young to be engaged in, whether the young engage themselves in such matters or not. Family is placed central to marriage in all arranged marriage cultures, as they all consider marriage an alliance between families, whether or not the marital agents emphasize their conjugal alliance above that of the family’s. All arranged marriages guard against an incoming candidate harming family unity or family interests. Objective reasons for marrying are always valued as these support aforementioned family unity and interests, regardless of whether there is room for individual desire and preference. Finally, all arranged marriages are voluntarily accepted by marital agents on the basis of legitimate parental guidance and authority.

As such, all arranged marriage cultures are hierarchical cultures, as they accord different roles and responsibilities to the elders and to the younger ones of a group; they are group cultures that strongly incorporate its members through loyalty to the group and its interests; they are all driven by parental guardianship and authority, rooted in protection, providence and voluntary compliance. These principles of community, hierarchy, guardianship and authority are foundational to the ‘way of life’ 88 of the arranged marriage system, and will be explained below.

1. Arranged Marriage is a Community Oriented System

Literature frequently makes reference to arranged marriage cultures as collectivist, community oriented, occurring in extended families, whether there is individualism or not. 89 Marriage concerns the whole family and families are characteristically extended with extended kinship ties. 90 Marriage choices ‘have a far-reaching impact upon … relatives, affecting the futures and socio-economic positions of a much wider range of kin than just parents and children’. 91 Beyond the conjugal alliance, marriage creates alliances between a variety of family-members. 92 ‘Strategic marriage choices enable social mobility even within the extended kinship network.’ 93 Fox argues that arranged marriage preserves family unity, ‘by felicitous selection of the new spouse’ which ‘allows for the furtherance of political linkages and/or economic consolidation between families … it helps keep families intact over generations; and … it preserves family property within the larger kin unit’. 94 Objective selection criteria are emblematic of the families’ desire to preserve a stable family. ‘Parents usually assess the reputation, economic standing and personalities of the potential in-laws and the educational level and occupation of the potential groom or bride.’ 95 The strong emphasis on pragmatic, unromantic reasons that guide mate-selection are considered wise: the new conjugal addition must suit family background and thus fit harmoniously into its organization. 96 As such, extended families remain strong in the social order. Less attention is paid therefore to subjective love. One learns that spousal love may come as martial time goes by. 97 This need not be romantic, it may as well be love in a ‘more all-encompassing sense’. 98 Typical of group cultures is that ‘[i]ndividual choice … may be constricted either through requiring that a person be bound by group decisions or by demanding that individuals follow the rules accompanying their station in life’. 99 The individual is ‘sacrificed’. 100 ‘The tradition-directed person … hardly thinks of himself as an individual.’ 101 He is a ‘collective being’ not a ‘particular being’. 102 But such sacrifice ‘is more than offset by the advantages of fulfilling one’s role within the family … ’. 103

2. Arranged Marriage is a Hierarchical System

The mere fact that marriage arranging requires some element of wisdom, experience and providence, suggests hierarchy. Not everyone is suited to make marriage choices, certainly not young children and this applies to all cultures, whether autonomous or arranged. In the latter culture, arranging marriages is a responsibility bestowed upon elders, mostly parents of the marital agents. 104 Elders, given their status and rank, are considered most able, equipped, wise and well connected to undertake the grave and delicate task of mate selection. It is their proper place to screen and select mates and it is the proper place of the young to trust and respect the judgment of the elders in this regard. Pande points to a case of a young woman called Shabnam appreciating this ‘proper place’ as she would never directly go up to her parents with her marriage wishes as ‘parents deserve their izzat ’ 105 (respect NT). And while elders are given the privilege of mate selection, they do not and may not select for their own benefit, but in the best interests and the good of the group, 106 into which are incorporated the interests and the good of the marital agents. 107

Arranged marriage cultures are thus hierarchical. 108 To understand arranged marriage, is to understand hierarchy. Yet, the social principle of hierarchy does not sit well with the Western mind. 109 The western mind views society from the lens of equality and freedom and hierarchical systems lack equality and freedom. Thus arranged marriage is rejected: it is a space where parents have the ‘power’ and upper hand and ‘dominate’ in marriage choices. 110 Arranged marriage becomes nothing more than a ‘chain of command’ 111 or a ‘power hierarchy’. 112 However, as Dumont argues, this is not true hierarchy. 113 To understand hierarchy one must ‘detach … from egalitarian societies’. 114 One must view hierarchical systems on its own merits, in an organic manner. 115

‘[H]ierarchy. comes from the very functional requirements of the social bond.’ 116 Literature offers the organism, a whole or the body as a metaphor to understand hierarchical systems. 117 Hierarchy is ‘the principle by which the elements of a whole are ranked in relation to the whole’. 118 The whole body and its parts are strongly bound together by rules, 119 social control, 120 and a common value system. 121 One accepts as necessary the rank order and the fulfilment of distinct obligations—without this the whole cannot function as it is supposed to function. 122 Decisions are taken by the most able in the interests of the whole and its parts. 123 The most able are the guardians and guardianship and hierarchy are strongly intertwined. 124

Families in arranged marriage cultures are organized hierarchically, with each member aware of its own and other’s status and social ranking, 125 with each member submitting to ‘group control’ and fulfilling ‘socially imposed roles’, 126 with each member keeping in one’s proper place, honouring order, 127 and subject to a ‘hierarchized interdependence’. 128 It is deeply understood that elders arrange marriages—it is their obligation to find matches from good families, and to exercise control as to who joins the family. 129 This applies whether or not they share this task with the marital agents. ‘From the viewpoint of many parents, arranging and seeing through your children’s marriages is a primary duty, to the extent that your role as a parent is unfulfilled until this duty is accomplished.’ 130 It is ‘a matter of great family honour.’ 131 It is a necessity too as ‘marriage normally confers the statuses of wife and husband, which have been and still are regarded in many societies as necessary to being seen as an adult rather than as a child’. 132 It is only through marriage that intimate life with a stranger turned into family is legitimate. So, the young depend on the patronage of the elders. 133 Amber, a twenty-four year old student ‘sought her parent’s intervention stating it was their ‘responsibility’. 134 Elders are not to abandon this role, nor to share it with the less qualified. They too are answerable to tradition and community. 135 But they are bound also, as good guardians and figures of authority, to choose wisely and in the best interest of the child. 136 Below a further exploration will be provided on guardianship, which is ‘a standard justification for hierarchical rule’ 137 and authority which too manifests itself through hierarchical relations. 138

3. Arranged Marriage is a System of Guardianship and Parental Authority

Arranged marriage cultures thrive on authority and entrusted leadership of guardians. Though literature never does, one could call arranged marriage a rule of guardians 139 or of parental authority or an aristocratic marital system. 140 In such a system ‘rulership should be entrusted to a minority of persons who are specially qualified to govern by reason of their superior knowledge and virtue’. 141 The entrusted uphold community values, such as ‘altruism, sacrifice, love … order, security, loyalty, duty’. 142 They govern as guardians, as figures of authority. 143 Traditionally, elders are the entrusted ones. 144 And the young honour their authority. 145 The arranged marriage of Manju and Jagdesh, both from Indian middle class families, offers a good example of these notions. 146 Manju, twenty-one years old at the time and Jagdesh, twenty three, were ‘both told that they would be a good match and should marry’ and soon after their agreement, the marriage took place. 147 Or the case of Saima, a 20-year old student who says that ‘my parents will obviously find the guy for me … I trust them for it … If they come out with a decent guy and say we’d like you to marry him, I’d say yes … ’. 148 In both examples parental authority occupies a central role in match making.

A. But what exactly is authority?

‘The need for authority is basic. Children need authorities to guide and reassure them. Adults fulfil an essential part of themselves in being authorities; it is one way of expressing care for others.’ 151

‘Deeply embedded in social functions, an inalienable part of the inner order of family … ritualized at every turn, authority is so closely woven into the fabric of tradition and morality … ’. 162 As such, traditional authority is embedded in arranged marriage cultures. It ‘roots in the belief that it is ancient’. 163 In arranged marriage cultures traditionally there is trust in parental leadership. 164 One is assured that parents know what is best for their child, as they know their child, sometimes even better than the child knows itself—they see through them. 165 This inspires obedience. 166

Parental authority is a necessary component in arranged marriage systems. Marriage affects a whole family’s stability and future, so marriage choices need to be supervised. 167 The young, inexperienced and not yet wise, are traditionally not considered well trained for this task, as they may be misguided by love. 168 So, arranged marriage societies isolate the young from potential mates. 169 In addition, social control, typical for group cultures, is applied to guard behaviour. 170 Young people can easily fall prey to romantic and sexual behaviour considered disruptive to the dignity and order of the family. 171 Here then arises the necessity for elders to authorize rational mate selection. 172 Of course, this does not exclude that young people may step out of their role. If they do, shame and dishonour may be brought to the family. 173 Such youngsters are considered deviants who must be blamed, heavily punished or re-educated. 174 As such being nourished by parental authority offers security, 175 and enables moral life. 176

4. Studying Arranged Marriage Practices

The idealized typology of the arranged marriage, as a Weberian theoretical construct, demonstrates that, at the outset, arranged marriage systems are traditionally systems of community, hierarchy, guardianship, and authority. So described, the arranged marriage finds its rationality in a system that safeguards mate selection by placing this under the guardianship and authority of elders of the (extended) families of both marital agents with the aim to align both families in a durable relational bond, that strengthens its economic and societal standing, and that allows for a legitimate space and belonging for the conjugal union.

This typology is an ideal construct, in the same way the autonomous marriage is also an ideal construct. Borrowing then from William Goode who arrived at an ideal type of the conjugal family, which was also seen as an ideal , the arranged marriage as typified above is also seen as an ideal in that a ‘number of people view some of its characteristics as proper and legitimate, no matter that reality may run counter to the ideal’. 177 Elders in arranged marriage contexts all around the world consider it an ideal to take upon themselves the role of proper guardians and authorities in marriage arranging, and children, in their turn, ideally accept the parental choice, understanding that this is wisely made, that it gains its majesty in legitimate authority. All around the world, this ideal is an inspirational reference point in arranged marriage cultures.

This said, of course reality does not always represent the ideal portrayed, however inspirational. Still, the value of the ideal and the ideal type remain: this construct, even if it is an utopia, is necessary as it provides a neutral and unbiased understanding of the arranged marriage, one that is detached from a restrictive binary approach that others the arranged marriage. The ideal construct serves also as a measuring rod to study the reality of arranged marriage practices that depart from that construct. It ‘[p]rovides the basic method of comparative study’. 178

Taking a look then into these realities, one will find that, for one, elders are not always capable of arranging marriages well. ‘The notion that parents will always act in the child’s best interests is … based on an idealized interpretation of the parent/child relationship and assumes that adults will be altruistic whenever they relate to children with love, care and empathy.’ 179 Elders may not always understand what guardianship truly entails. They may confuse parental authority with the exercise of parental power, force even.

In addition, elders continuously share marriage arranging duties with their children, as the variety of semi-arranged marriage types suggest. These hybrid arranged marriage types are expressions of transformations of marital agents’ role in exercising self-determination and self-realization in marriage matters. They also reflect the changes in traditional parenthood: where once it was the elders who decided for the collective, this is now scrutinized by marital agents’ desires for freedom to (also) decide. In the words of Aguiar ‘arranged marriage has become the locus of a set of liberal and communitarian discourses that articulate competing visions of individual and collective agency’. 180 This does not always run smoothly. Elders may not always believe that transitions towards freedom and individualism are proper. Families often act as buffers against ‘too much’ individualism that is perceived as an isolating and alienating force that disrupts family cohesion and hinders traditions to be passed on from generation to generation. Many, in arranged marriage cultures, parents as well as young people, are grappling with the blended agendas of the liberal and communitarian, of the individual and the collective that are shaping arranged marriage realities. A very sensitive portrayal of an intergenerational struggle in this regard can be seen in the drama film A Fond Kiss : protagonist Casim, son of Pakistani Muslim immigrants to the UK, asks his parents to accept his love choice for Roisin, a Catholic divorcee. In their turn, his parents, emotionally destroyed and shamed by Casim’s desires, plead to their son to accept an arranged marriage to his cousin Yasmin. This Casim refuses and the family breaks up. 181

As indicated earlier, the tendency is to view such realities from a Eurocentric lens, that prizes liberalism and equality, and that advocates the individual’s rise from traditional structures as a marker of sovereignty, supported by contract, geared towards independence and freedom from authority. 182

Again, such views monopolize examination of arranged marriage, are biased, ‘culturally-determined’ and entrenched in ‘limited historical perspectives’. 183 ‘Many people in this world have registers of well-being that are not the same as degrees of freedom, measures such as duty, devotion and responsibility.’ 184 Many people do not value, experience, nor desire full independence from parental authority.

Hybrid arranged marriages are in a sense partly separated from and partly belonging to traditional as well as liberal structures. It is vital to represent and express belonging to these traditional structures in the discourse on arranged marriage. It is important to acknowledge notions of guardianship, authority, and community when one measures change and modernization in arranged marriage realities, but also when one measures distancing from that very modernization in efforts to hold on to traditions.

The current tendency, when marital agents demand a stronger role in mate selection, is to capture this in a language of freedoms, control, agency and the rising individual. This language presupposes that marital agents’ main aim is to free oneself, become independent and ultimately exit the arranged marriage system. 185 It presupposes too that marital agents are very capable of acting independently of their parents. The fact of the matter is, that many marital agents are deeply connected to a system of parental guardianship and authority, they are hierarchically interdependent with family, they cherish strong belonging to their community and understand family cohesion as a necessary component of their family’s well-being in which their well-being is integrated. Marital agents granted or demanding a role in match making, challenge in essence (part of) the authority of parents, but do not act as fully atomistic units. When parents allow their child to jointly decide with them on marriage matters, this is articulated in literature mostly as a step that invests power in the child. However, this ought to also be valued as a sharing of parental authority or guardianship with the child. Adding authority and guardianship to the conversation on the arranged marriage gives rise to a language that relates to and represents community. For instance, why do some parents share their authority, why do others not? It might be possible that some parents deem their children disciplined enough to select wisely, pointing to the principle that ‘discipline is authority in operation?’ 186 It might be that some parents believe that their children can act as their own guardians, partly or in full, given that these children are educated and skilled in ways the elders are not? Might it be that in diaspora contexts elders are searching for new meaning to traditional concepts such as authority and guardianship and need a language to cope with this hybrid dynamic rather than a language that calls upon their children to exit anything traditional? Asking and addressing such questions will contribute to a discourse on arranged marriage that respects the very foundations it is built upon. It is knowledge about these foundations that is pivotal if we wish to understand the arranged marriage proper and change in that domain.

This article argued for a full renunciation of the binary approach adopted in literature in studying arranged marriage. In the binary approach, the arranged marriage emerges as a lesser conjugal union in comparison to the ideal and prized autonomous conjugal union. Recognizing that the arranged marriage must be valued on its own merits, this article sought for an ideal typical construct of the arranged marriage, as a neutral departure point in a study of this marital system and as a tool to explore arranged marriage realities. The arranged marriage is fundamentally rooted in the sociological principles of collective belonging, parental guardianship and the protective, provident authority of elders in match making. This article calls for a fresh discourse on arranged marriage and changing arranged marriage patterns that reflect these principles in order to arrive at a much needed and understudied fuller appreciation and conversation of a marital system that engages hundreds of millions.

In order to be as impartial as humanly possible, this article does not offer personal opinions on or preferences for the arranged or the autonomous marriage. It is of fundamental importance that any scholar on the arranged marriage system (and many other subjects for that matter) is an unbiased scholar or at least strives to be. Neither advocacy of nor opposition to the arranged marriage, and neither advocacy of nor opposition to the autonomous marriage should enter a scholar’s theories and findings. A scholar’s role is not to express any preference for either system, it is not to value one system as better than the other, it is to become independent from any prejudice of one over the other

This article is based on, The Arranged Marriage – Changing Perspectives on a Marital Institution (Unpublished Dissertation Utrecht University) Utrecht, 2019.

Authors referring to this binary are eg F. Shariff, ‘Towards a Transformative Paradigm in the UK Response to Forced Marriages’ (2012) 21 (4) Social and Legal Studies 549–65; M. Aguiar, Arranging Marriage, Conjugal Agency in The South Asian Diaspora (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press, 2018); R. Pande, ‘Geographies of Marriage and Migration: Arranged Marriages and South Asians in Britain’ (2014) 8 (2) Geography Compass 75–86; S. Anitha and A. Gill, ‘Coercion, Consent and the Forced Marriage Debate in the UK’ (2009) 17 Feminist Legal Studies 165–84; M. Khandelwal, ‘Arranging Love: Interrogating the Vantage Point in Cross-Border Feminism’ (2009) 34 (3) Signs 583–609; F. Ahmad, ‘Graduating Towards Marriage? Attitudes Towards Marriage and Relationships among University-educated British Muslim Women’ (2012) 13 Culture and Religion 193–210.

M. Weber, Gesammelte Aufsätze zur Wissenschafslehre (Tübingen: J.C.B. Mohr, 1988) p. 191.

Notably, H. Arendt, Between Past and Future (New York: Penguin Books, 1977); M. Douglas, ‘Cultural Bias’ in M. Douglas (ed.), The Active Voice (London: Routledge and Kegan Paul, 1982), as referred to by Thompson et al., Cultural Theory (Boulder, San Francisco: Westview Press, 1990); Thompson et al. ibid; M. Douglas, Risk and Blame (London, New York: Routledge, 1992); R.A. Dahl, Democracy and its Critics (New Have: Yale University, 1989); L. Dumont, Homo Hierarchicus (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1980); R.A. Nisbet, The Quest for Community (California: ICS Press, 1990); R.A. Nisbet, The Sociological Tradition (London: Heinemann Educational Books Ltd, 1966); R. Sennett, Authority (New York: W.W. Norton, 1980).

For origins of the term ‘arranged marriage’ see Aguiar (n 1) 14.

‘Autonomous marriage’ is used in I.L. Reiss, Family Systems in America (New York: Holt, Rinehart and Winston, 1976) as referred to by G.R. Lee and L. Hemphill Stone, ‘Mate-Selection Systems and Criteria: Variation according to Family Structure’ (1980) 42 (2) Journal of Marriage and Family 319–26, 319.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Shariff (n 1); Aguiar (n 1); Pande (n 1); Khandelwal (n 1).

Shariff (n 1) 556, on binary between consent and coercion.

Compare Ahmad (n 1) 194; see also Pande (n 1) 82; see also Aguiar (n 1) 14.

Nisbet 1990 (n 4) pp. 3–4; A.J. Cherlin, ‘Goode's “World Revolution and Family Patterns”: A Reconsideration at Fifty Years’ (2012) 38 (4) Population and Development Review 577–607, 580, 581; see for progress towards the atomistic family C.C. Zimmerman, Family and Civilization (Wilmington Delaware: ISI Books, 2008) pp. 124, 247–49; in general on progress see J.B. Bury, The Idea of Progress (New York: Cosimo Classics, 2008); R.A. Nisbet, History of the Idea of Progress (New York: Basic Book, Inc. Publishers, 1980); see also Arendt (n 4) 100, 101 on progress theory.

See S. Coontz, Marriage, a History, How Love Conquered Marriage (New York: Penguin Group, 2005) p. 25; See for more on this evolution J. Witte Jr., From Sacrament to Contract , Marriage, Religion, and Law in the Western Tradition (Kentucky: Westminster John Knox Press, 1997) pp. 194–215.

X. Xiaohe and M. King Whyte, ‘Love Matches and Arranged Marriages: A Chinese Replication’ (1990) 52 (3) Journal of Marriage and the Family 709–22, 709.

See for these terms W.J. Goode, World Revolution and Family Patterns (New York: The Macmillan Company, 1970) p. 1, and Zimmerman (n 10) pp. 30–36.

A. Thornton, Reading History Sideways: The Fallacy and the Enduring Impact of the Developmental Paradigm on Family Life (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2005), as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 581; see also, K. Allendorf and R.K. Pandian, ‘The Decline of Arranged Marriage? Marital Change and Continuity in India’ (2016) 42 (3) Population and Development Review 435–464, 435.

Cherlin (n 10) 581.

Allendorf and Pandian (n 14) 435.

Thornton (n 14), as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 593.

Cherlin (n 10) 594.

On the ‘convergence theory’, see Goode (n 13) and Cherlin (n 10); on ‘developmental paradigm’ see Thorntan (n 14) as referred to by Cherlin (n 10) 581; see also A. Shaw, A Pakistani Community in Britain (Oxford: Basil Blackwell, 1988) pp. 2, 3 on the expected disappearance of Pakistani migrants’ culture.

M. Enright, ‘Choice, Culture and the Politics of Belonging: The Emerging Law of Forced and Arranged Marriage’ (2009) 72 (3) The Modern Law Review 331–59, 338.

R. Pande, ‘Becoming Modern: British-Indian Discourses of Arranged Marriages’ (2016) 17 (3) Social & Cultural Geography 380–400, 384; see on consequence of ‘othering’ of migrants, Pande (n 1) 75; Shariff (n 1) 562.

E. Said, Orientalism (New York: Penguin, 1978) as referred to by S.R. Moosavinia et al, ‘Edward Said’s Orientalism and the Study of the Self and the Other in Orwell’s Burmese Days’ (2011) 2 (1) Studies in Literature and Language 103–13, 104.

Pande (n 21) 384.

Moosavinia et al, (n 22) 104; Said (n 22).

P.J. Gagoomal, ‘A “Margin of Appreciation” for “Marriages of Appreciation”: Reconciling South Asian Adult Arranged Marriages with the Matrimonial Consent Requirement in International Human Rights Law’ (2009) 97 The Georgetown Law Journal 589–620, 601; compare Shariff (n 1) 557.

E.g.: ‘I fled in just the clothes I was wearing’: How one Muslim woman escaped arranged marriage, Mirror , 17 September 2012; L. Harding, ‘Student Saved from Arranged Marriage’, The Guardian , 14 March 2000, as referred to by R. Penn, ‘Arranged Marriages in Western Europe: Media Representations and Social Reality’ (2011) 42 (5) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 637–50, 639, for more examples, see 639–41; see also Aguiar (n 1) 11, 12.

Enright (n 20) 332; Shariff (n 1) 557; Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171; G. Gangoli et al, Forced Marriage and Domestic Violence among South Asian Communities in North East England (Bristol: University of Bristol, Northern Rock Foundation, 2006), as referred to by Anitha and Gill (n 1) 167.

Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UDHR), G.A. Res. 217A, (III), U.N. Doc A/810, 10 December 1948, Article 16 (2); International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (ICCPR), GA. Res. 2200A (XXI), 16 December 1966, Article 23 (3); International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights (ICESCR), G.A. Res. 2200A (XXI), 16 December 1966, Article 10 (1).

Aguiar (n 1) 11–13, see also Anitha and Gill (n 1); Shariff (n 1).

Aguiar (n 1) 11, 67.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Aguiar (n 1) 67.

Anitha and Gill (n 1); Aguiar (n 1) 13, 14; Shariff (n 1).

Enright (n 20) 338.

UDHR (n 28); ICCPR (n 28); ICESCR (n 28).

Aguiar (n 1) 13.

Gagoomal (n 25) 611.

R.W. Hodge and N. Ogawa, ‘Arranged Marriages, Assortative Mating and Achievement in Japan,’ in Nihon University Population Research Institute, Research Paper, Series No. 1986, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 601.

Shariff (n 1) 562; see also Anitha and Gill.

Shariff (n 1) 557.

Aguiar (n 1) 67; see also Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171.

Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171.

Anitha and Gill (n 1) 171; see also Thompson et al, (n 4) 7 on the ‘individualistic social context’.

See for a slightly different categorization R.B. Qureshi, ‘Marriage Strategies among Muslims from South Asia’ 1991 10 (3) The American Journal of Islamic Social Sciences , as referred to by A.U. Zaidi and M. Shuraydi, ‘Perceptions of Arranged Marriages by Young Pakistani Muslim Women Living in a Western Society’ 2002 33 (4) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 495–514, 496.

Qureshi (n 43) as referred to by Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; Gagoomal (n 25) 592; Cherlin (n 10) 589; see also for modified traditional types, Shariff (n 1) 558; H. Siddiqui, ‘Review: Winning Freedoms’ (1991) 37 Feminist Review 78, 81, as referred to by Enright (n 20) 340, ft 45; see also R. Pande, ‘I Arranged my Own Marriage': Arranged Marriages and Post-colonial Feminism’ (2015) 22 (2) Gender, Place & Culture 172–87, 175; S.P. Wakil et al, ‘Between Two Cultures: A Study in Socialization of Children of Immigrants’ (1981) 43 (4) Journal of Marriage and Family 929–40, 935; see also Ahmad (n 1).

Qureshi (n 43), as referred to by Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; S.A. Patel, An Exploratory Study of Arranged-Love Marriage in Couples From Collective Cultures (Dissertation Northern Illinois University, Ann Arbor: ProQuest LLC) 2016, 10; J. Kapur, ‘An Arranged Love Marriage: India’s Neoliberal turn and the Bollywood Wedding Culture Industry’ (2009) 2 Communication, Culture, and Critique 221–33, as referred to by Patel 10; Cherlin (n 10) 590; Shariff (n 1) 558.

Shariff (n 1) 558; S. Seymour, Women, Family, and Child Care in India: A World in Transition (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 1999) p. 212, as referred to by Kandelwal (n 1) 595; K. Kezuka, ‘Late Marriage and Transition from Arranged Marriages to Love Matches: A Search-theoretic Approach’ 2018 42 (2) The Journal of Mathematical Sociology 237–56, 237; N.D. Manglos-Weber and A.A. Weinreb, ‘Own-Choice Marriage and Fertility in Turkey’ (2017) 79 (2) Journal of Marriage and Family 372–89, 373; Pande (n 21) 389.

Shariff (n 1) 558, who refers to M. Stopes-Roe and R. Cochrane, Citizens of this Country: The Asian-British (Clevedon: Multilingual Matters, 1990).

Ahmad (n 1) 195, 200; M.J. Bhatti, Questioning Empowerment: Pakistani Women, Higher Education & Marriage (Dissertation University at Buffalo, State University of New York, 2013) 153.

R. Huch, ‘Romantic Marriage’, in H. Keyserling ed., The Book of Marriage: A New Interpretation by Twenty-four Leaders of Contemporary thought (New York: Harcourt, Brace & Company, 1926) pp. 168, 177, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 607/n 112.

S. Davé, ‘Matchmakers and Cultural Compatibility: Arranged Marriage, South Asians, and American television’ (2012) 10 (2) South Asian Popular Culture 167–83, 168.

F.B. Ternikar, Revisioning the Ethnic Family: An Analysis of Marriage Patterns Among Hindu, Muslim, and Christian South Asian Immigrants (Dissertation, Chicago, Illinois, August 2004) 41.

Ahmad (n 1) 206, see also 207.

See among others Ahmad (n 1) and Aguiar (n 1).

Enright (n 20) 331, italics added.

Pande (n 21) 384, italics added, referring to the Oxford English Dictionary.

K. Charsley and A. Shaw, ‘South Asian Transnational Marriages in Comparative Perspective’ (2006) 6 (4) Global Networks 331–44, 335; Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496.

Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43) 496; see also Penn (n 26) 637.

Zaidi and Shuraydi (n 43), 496 (italics omitted).

D. Riesman et al, The Lonely Crowd: A Study of the American Changing Character (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1961) p. 17.

A. Shaw, ‘Kinship, Cultural Preference and Immigration: Consanguineous Marriage Among British Pakistanis’ (2001) 7 (2) Royal Anthropological Institute 315–34, 323.

G.W. Jones, Changing Marriage Patterns in Asia (Working Paper, Asia Research Institute, Series 131, 2010) 4.

P. Wood, ‘Marriage and Social Boundaries among British Pakistanis’ (2011) 20 (1) Diaspora 40–64, 41.

Ahmad (n 1) 200.

Charsley and Shaw (n 56) 338; Khandelwal (n 1).

Davé (n 50) 167, 168.

Charsley and Shaw (n 56) 338.

M. Aguiar, ‘Cultural Regeneration in Transnational South-Asian Popular Culture’ (2013) 84 Cultural Critique (2013) 181–214, 183.

Aguiar (n 1) 7.

A. Patel, ‘Marriage, then Love — Why Arranged Marriages Still Work Today,’ Global News , 26 July 2018.

K. Qureshi et al, ‘Marital Instability among British Pakistanis: Transnationality, Conjugalities and Islam’ (2014) 37 (2) Ethnic and Racial Studies 261–79, 276.

Pande (n 1) 75; for more on this love see K. Bejanyan et al, ‘Associations of Collectivism with Relationship Commitment, Passion, and Mate Preferences: Opposing Roles of Parental Influence and Family Allocentrism’ (2015) 10 (2) PLoS ONE 1–24, 3; Goode (n 13) 9, 12; Coontz (n 11) 149; Compare Zimmerman (n 10) 39.

R.A. Nisbet, Twilight of Authority (Indianapolis: Liberty Fund, Inc. 2000) 235.

C.S. Lewis, ‘The Four Loves’ in C.S. Lewis (ed.), Selected Books (London: Harper Collins, 1999) pp. 5, 15.

A. de Tocqueville, La Démocratie en Amérique (Paris: Gallimard, 1961, 2 vols.), English Translation by H. Reeve: Democracy in America (London: 1875) as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 17.

Compare the ideal type of the conjugal family, Goode (n 13) 7.

Weber (n 3) 191, translation by H. Ross, Law as a Social Institution (Oxford: Hart Publishing, 2001) p. 34.

L.A. Coser, Masters of Sociological Thought (New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1977) p. 223.

Compare Goode (n 13) 7.

Khandelwal (n 1) 584, 586, 605.

Ahmad (n 1) p. 194; Pande (n 21) p. 384; see also R. Mohammad, ‘Transnational Shift: Marriage, Home and belonging for British-Pakistani Muslim Women’ (2015) 16 (6) Social & Cultural Geography 593–614, 596.

Pande (n 44) 172, 183; Pande (n 21) 384.

Khandelwal (n 1); Ahmad (n 1); Pande (n 1); Mohammad (n 83); Pande (n 44) 181.

S.J. Hekman, Weber, the Ideal Type, and Contemporary Social Theory (New York: University of Notre Dame Press, 1983) p. 20.

For existing analyses on the topic, see Goode (n 13); D. Mace and V. Mace, Marriage East and West (London: Macgibbon and Kee, 1960); for marriages and caste in India, see Dumont (n 4); for Pakistani immigrants in Oxford and arranged marriages, see Shaw (n 19); see also Pande (n 45); Ahmad (n 1); Aguiar (n 1).

Thompson et al (n 4) 1.

See e.g. Aguiar (n 1) 15, 25, 139–44; G.L. Fox, ‘Love Match and Arranged Marriage in a Modernizing Nation: Mate Selection in Ankara, Turkey’ (1975) 37 (1) Journal of Marriage and Family 180–93, 181; Lee and Stone (n 6) 320; Kezuka (n 46).

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320: see also Mate selection theories, Encyclopaedia of Sociology, The Gale Group Inc., Encyclopedia.com: https://www.encyclopedia.com/social-sciences/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/mateselection-theories (last visited 14 July 2019).

Shaw (n 60) 325.

See eg Goode (n 13) pp. 240, 241; R.O. Blood, The Family (New York: Free Press, 1972) pp. 293–96, as referred to by Fox (n 89) 187.

A. Shaw, ‘Drivers of Cousin Marriage among British Pakistanis’ (2014) 77 Human Heredity 26–36, 31.

Fox (n 89) 181.

Shaw (n 93) 31.

See also Fox (n 89) 181; Lee and Stone (n 6) 320.

Gagoomal (n 25) 611; Lewis (n 74) 5, 15 in general on gift-love.

Thompson et al. (n 4) 6, referring to the grid-group analysis.

Tocqueville vol 2 (n 76) 90–92, as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 17; Shaw (n 19) 6.

Riesman et al (n 59) 17.

Dumont (n 4) 7.

Shaw (n 19) 6, referring to immigrant Pakistanis.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320.

Pande (n 44) 177.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320 see also Fox (n 89) 181.

See for various examples Gagoomal (n 25) 615, 617, 618.

G.P. Monger, Marriage Customs of the World: From Henna to Honeymoon (Santa Barbara, California: ABC-CLIO, 2004) 13.

Dumont (n 4) 2, 239, 19, 20; Nisbet (n 73) 217.

Jones (n 62) 4; Wood (n 63) 40–64, 41.

P. Crone, Pre-Industrial Societies (Oxford: Oneworld Publications, 2003) p. 99; Dumont (n 3) 19.

Dumont (n 4) 19.

Ibid., 17, 2.

Compare Crone (n 111) p. 104 on an organic view of society.

Nisbet (n 73) 217.

Dumont (n 4) 66, 240, 243, 244; Crone (n 111) pp. 99, 107; Thompson et al (n 4) 59.

Dumont (n 4) 66.

Thompson et al (n 4) 6.

Ibid., (n 4) 6.

T. Parsons, ‘A Revised Analytical Approach to the Theory of Social Stratification’ in R. Bendix et al (eds.), Class, Status and Power (London: Glencoe, 1954), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 19.

Thompson et al (n 4) 6; Dumont (n 4) 17–19; see in general on guardianship Dahl (n 4) 52–64, 73.

Parsons (n 121), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 19, see also 239, 240.

Dahl (n 4) 52.

Monger (n 108) 13.

Crone (n 111) p. 105, who refers to pre-industrial societies and hierarchy.

Dumont (n 4) 18.

M. Shams Uddin, ‘Arranged Marriage: A Dilemma for Young British Asians’ (2006) 3 Diversity in Health and Social Care 211–19, 211; F.M. Critelli, ‘Between Law and Custom: Women, Family Law and Marriage in Pakistan’ (2012) 43 (5) Journal of Comparative Family Studies 673–93, 677; Fox (n 90) 186,181.

Shaw (n 60) 324.

Shams Uddin (n 129) 211.

G.R. Quale, ‘A history of marriage systems’ in Contributions in Family Studie s, Issue 13 (Westport, US: Greenwood press, 1988) 2.

Tocqueville II (n 76), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 18; see also Sennett (n 4) 126.

Ahmad (n 1) 201; in a similar vein see Mohammad (n 83) 603; see also Wakil et al (n 44) 936 on this responsibility.

Tocqueville II (n 76), as referred to by Dumont (n 4) 18, 17.

A. de Tocqueville, Democracy in America II (London: Everyman’s Library, 1994) 196.

Arendt (n 4) 93.

On guardianship see Dahl (n 4) 52.

On aristocracy see Tocqueville II (n 76), see Dumont (n 4) p. 18.

See for an explanation on tradition and authority, M. Weber, The Theory of Social and Economic Organization , A.M. Henderson and T. Parsons (trans.), T. Parsons (ed.) (New York: Oxford University Press, 1947) 341, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 142.

Compare Pande (n 44) 177; Shams Uddin (n 129) 211; Ahmad (n 1) 201 on trust and respect for parents.

Gagoomal (n 25) 589, 590.

Ibid., 590.

Ahmad (n 1) 201.

Arendt (n 4) 92.

Sennett (n 4) 15; see also Arendt (n 4) 92.

Weber (n 144) 341, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 142; Zimmerman (n 10) 215.

Zimmerman (n 10) 215.

Arendt (n 4) 93, 103.

Sennett (n 4) 18; Arendt (n 4) 93.

Sennett (n 4) 15–22.

Sennett (n 4) 16.

Arendt (n 4) 111; Weber, as referred to by Sennet (n 4) 22.

Weber, without further reference, as referred to by Sennett (n 4) 22.

Derived from Sennett (n 4) 19.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 107, 108.

Ibid., 142.

Shams Uddin (n 129) 211: Ahmad (n 3) 201.

MTV Documentary, True Life: I'm Having an Arranged Marriage , 2007, as referred to by Gagoomal (n 25) 617; Pande (n 21) 387; Gagoomal (n 25) 615; see also Sennett (n 4) 17 on a conductor that sees through members of the orchestra.

Sennett (n 4) 17.

Lee and Stone (n 6) 320; Fox (n 89) 181.

See W.J. Goode, ‘The Theoretical Importance of Love’ (1959) 24 (1) American Sociological Review 38–47, 43–46; compare also Bejanyan et al (n 72) 3.

Goode (n 168) 43; H. Papanek, ‘Purdah in Pakistan: Seclusion and Modern Occupations for Women’ (1971) 33 (3) Journal of Marriage and Family 517–30, 520.

Goode (n 168) 43; Thompson et al (n 4) 6; Shams Uddin (n 129) 212.

See for more Bejanyan et al (n 72) 3.

Goode (n 168) 43; Papanek (n 169) 520.

F. Bari, Country briefing paper: Women in Pakistan, Asian Development Bank July 2000. http://www.adb.org/Documents/Books/Country_Briefing_Papers/Women in Pakistan , as referred to by Critelli (n 129) 677; Shaw (n 60) 330; see also Riesman et al (n 59) 24.

Thompson et al (n 4) 59; see also in general on shame, N.P. Gilani, ‘Conflict Management of Mothers and Daughters Belonging to Individualistic and Collectivistic Cultural Backgrounds: A Comparative Study’ 1999 22 Journal of Adolescence 853–65, 854, 855; Riesman et al (n 59) 24.

A. de Tocqueville, Democracy in America II , 298, 303, as referred to by Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 114.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 151.

Goode (n 13) 7.

Coser (n 80) 223.

C. Breen, Age Discrimination and Children’s Rights. Ensuring Equality and Acknowledging Difference (Leiden: Brill Nijhoff, 2006) as referred to by A. van Coller, ‘Child Marriage – Acceptance by Association’ (2017) 31 International Journal of Law, Policy and The Family 363–76, 369.

Aguiar (n 1) 215.

Film A Fond Kiss , Ken Loach 2004; see also the Film What Will People Say , Iram Haq 2017 on a similar intergenerational struggle between an immigrant Pakistani father and his daughter in Sweden.

Derived from Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 116.

Moosavinia et al (n 22) 104; Said (n 22).

S. Mahmood, Politics of Piety: The Islamic Revival and the Feminist Subject (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2011), as referred to by Aguiar (n 1) 219.

For more on this exit see Anitha and Gill (n 3) 176–80; Shariff (n 3) 550, 551, 553, 561, 562.

Nisbet 1966 (n 4) 150.

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18 Arranged Marriage Pros and Cons

Until the 18th century, arranged marriages were considered normal, with family members (usually grandparents or parents) setting up the arrangement. Some exceptions occurred in various cultures, such as the Gandharva marriages, but otherwise, it was an expectation to follow.

Even through the 1950s, arranged marriages were still prevalent in the United States. Within the Japanese-American culture, they were sometimes called “pictured-bride” weddings because the two parties involved would only exchange pictures until they met on their wedding day.

When countries increase their economic value, there is a trend of increasing individualism which rises too. Added social mobility combines with these factors to reduce the need for an arranged or placed marriage. Even so, some cultures still follow this practice, including family groups in North America and Europe.

Here are the pros and cons of having an arranged marriage.

List of the Pros of Arranged Marriage

1. It eliminates the stress of trying to find a life partner. Although choice is limited when an arranged marriage occurs, the individuals involved are left with fewer questions. They’re not forced into a dating scene or mandated to defend their values to someone. People with this type of relationship often come from similar backgrounds, ethnicities, or cultures, which gives them common ground. With the certainty included with this arrangement, each person is free to pursue other personal interests instead of spending time search for that special someone.

2. It keeps parents involved in the relationship. When society encourages individualism in the selection of a marriage partner, the family unit becomes secondary to the intimate relationship. Cultural norms, such as asking a father for permission to marry, become unwritten rules that encourage inclusion. There is no requirement to follow them, however, and that can leave parents, grandparents, and other family members get to remain involved.

3. It creates harmony within both families. Marriages are classified into four basic types: forced arranged marriages, consensual arranged marriages, self-selected marriages, and autonomous marriages. Wealthy nations promote the latter option, which means the parents or guardians of both individuals are not consulted and have no say in the final arrangement. This process forces two families together which may not be compatible with one another. Arranged marriages are based on the principle that each family receives a benefit from the relationship formation.

4. It keeps people rooted in their family, culture, and ethics. People change as they age. Our experiences, ideas, and relationships all form the foundation of who we are. After an autonomous marriage, husbands show an increase in conscientiousness, while wives show a decrease in openness. Husbands become introverted, and both partners reduce their social networks. You also become less agreeable in marriage, while wives show higher levels of emotional stability. With an arranged marriage, the negative aspects of being together are tempered because there is advance preparation involved. You stay rooted in who you are as a culture because there are more similarities than differences involved.

5. It reduces conflict when children are involved. Families often separate when children come into the picture because of the differences each person (and family) has in how they should be raised. Differences in religion, spirituality, education, and discipline enforcement lead to conflicting ideas that negatively impact the child. With an arranged marriage being the foundation of the relationship, any children produced from the union have a higher chance of having parents who agree on these aspects of life, which eliminates much of the harmful conflict that children sometimes see as being their fault.

6. It is possible to find that special someone. Many people in an arranged marriage go into the first days of their relationship as if it were a business partnership. They have contracts to fulfill, so that’s what they do. Their relationship becomes the fulfillment of needs which both families have. Although there is always an element of risk to any relationship, most people can find their own niche to enjoy within an arranged marriage which allows them to find happiness in life. Love at first sight is even possible, though unlikely.

7. It places the emphasis of the relationship outside of emotion. For non-arranged marriages, the emphasis of the relationship is based on the emotional reactions each person has to the other. The formation of an arranged relationship is a little different. Romantic love is still a priority for many, but it is not the primary element being pursued. Couples in this situation place their first emphasis on creating a successful partnership, which allows both of them to commit to a long-term process. That effort creates more stability for both people to enjoy.

List of the Cons of Arranged Marriage

1. It increases the risk of child marriage. When children are married, especially younger than the age of 12, then they are not prepared for the idea of free choice. Although not practiced in Europe or North America, the poverty in Eastern Asia, Latin America, and Sub-Saharan Africa force families into a choice between school or a merging of their families for pure survival. The arranged marriage ensures the financial security of their child, even if it puts them into a place of physical harm.

2. It places the burden of financial responsibility on the daughter. When communities are impoverished, every mouth to feed becomes a continuing liability. Most cultures that struggle with poverty have societal structures which make it difficult for women to find gainful employment. That means a daughter becomes the greatest financial burden a family can bear. By arranging a marriage as quickly as possible, the monetary obligations are reduced, which creates less food insecurity for everyone in the household.

3. It limits the choice of a life partner. This negative component of arranged marriages applies to migrant minority ethnic populations. If the majority population of the nation where they live avoids them, stereotypes them, or follows segregation or apartheid policies, then arranged marriages become the only way to continue family traditions. Up until 1980, the Sikh families of Canada practiced arranged marriages for this very reason. You still see them in Hasidic Jew populations. Up until the 1960s, Japanese immigrants to the U.S. also engaged in this practice. Although it guarantees a marriage, it reduces the choices available for life partnerships.

4. It eliminates the dating phase of life. There is something to be said of putting yourself out there for someone to see if you and they are compatible with one another. Although breakups are emotionally challenging, the process of courtship creates more possibilities that a good match will be found. You get to explore partnership and personality types to see what you prefer and what you do not. Although the divorce rate for arranged marriages is widely reported as 6% (compared to 55% of all marriages in existence right now), your relationship is not treated as a business partnership.

5. It makes couples feel alienated from their families. When there is a rush to start a new union, everyone in the family wants to be involved in the relationship in some way. For the couple getting married, it can feel like your wedding isn’t really yours at all. In an arranged marriage, some families may not allow the bride, the groom, or both parties to have any say in what happens. Everything about the day may come at you in surprise, which creates an unsettling experience for those involved.

6. It avoids the issue of personal accountability. In self-selection and autonomous wedding structures, the couple bears a majority of the responsibility for the quality of their relationship. They’re forced to work together to make things work. With an arranged marriage, there is no responsibility required by either party. If the marriage doesn’t work, it’s the parents or grandparents to blame instead of the married couple. Many families will interfere in the marriage at multiple levels as a proactive way to prevent the blaming process from starting in the first place.

7. It eliminates love from the equation. Although there are numerous arranged marriages which involve love, emotions are not a priority when this relationship is first arranged. No one cares if you can or will fall in love with the other person. As long as the families get along, and there is a mutual benefit to the relationship, then that becomes the definition of success. That means one partner can find themselves trapped in great misery because they don’t like their partner and don’t want to disappoint their family. The divorce rates for arranged marriages are much lower than other types, but it may be due to a sense of obligation or responsibility more than a lack of overall compatibility.

8. It forces you to live with a stranger. Some arranged marriages allow the prospective partners to meet before their wedding day. Many of these relationships do not. That means each person steps blindly to the altar, wondering who it is they are going to meet. Instead of marrying your best friend, you’re getting involved in a contract with a complete stranger. The amount of time it takes someone to develop feelings through traditional courtship in the wealthier nations is similar to the time required for an arranged couple to get to know one another.

9. It increases the risks of mental health issues. With an arranged marriage, there is the possibility that individual preferences will be sacrificed for the greater good of everyone else involved. A decision to ignore oneself for the good of others creates a higher risk for psychological damage over time. If meaningful coping mechanisms are not introduced, unhappy people can suffer from anxiety, stress, and depression at higher rates. If their partner is cold, uncaring, or abusive, their risks of mental health concerns rise even higher.

10. It allows men to have more control than women typically. In the cultures where arranged marriages are considered standard, the men in the relationship have more control over the women. That occurs because the man is seen as being the leader of the family and household. And the issue is even worse for people who identify with the LGBTQIA+ community, as they may be forced into a relationship with someone that they’re not attracted to at all. In these situations, the affected parties may be entering a relationship that lacks independence.

11. It takes time to establish trust. Most couples who go through an arranged marriage don’t have the time necessary to get to know one another before exchanging vows. For the first weeks, months, or even years of the relationship in some cases, severe trust issues make it difficult for the relationship to work. There may not be any intimacy, physical contact, or conversations involved. Even when each partner knows what is expected of them, there is a higher risk of experiencing an unfulfilling life.

These arranged marriage pros and cons are just key points to consider. It is up to each person and family to decide what is the best course of action they should take. The only exception to that statement would involve forced child marriages, which are exceptionally condemned by the international community. More cultures than not practice consensual arrangements like this, so exploring how to improve that relationship with these observations will become a top priority.

Arranged Marriages: A Critical Analysis Essay

Introduction, the advantage of arranged marriage, the points against arranged marriages.

Arranged marriages have existed in India from the days of yore. Various issues regarding the pros and cons of arranged marriage have gained ground with leading writers and other organizations. A critical examination of the analyses reveals that the public favors their own decision in most cases. To arrive at a suitable decision, I have chosen three arguments for and three arguments against arranged marriages in India.

Sudhir Kakar, a journalist with India Today , one of the leading magazines in India, reports that the advantage of arranged marriage is that it takes away the young person’s anxiety around finding a mate. (Kakar, 2007). Yet another view holds that arranged marriages provide more security to the woman as she receives mature advice from her parents in choosing her mate. (Arranged Marriages). The third reason is that the culture and tradition of the particular caste or community are preserved. (Arranged Marriages).

The arguments that go against the proposition are that the children do not know each other or understand each other. This results in incompatibility. Arranged marriages give rise to the threat of parents getting overprotective and controlling their children’s wishes and desires in choosing their partner and the family members of the young couple often interfere in their matters which prepares grounds for loss of individuality. (Love vs. Arranged). In the desperate attempt to preserve culture and tradition, money is swindled as dowry. (Arranged Marriages and Dowry, 1999-2006). The caste system exists which gives prominence to racism. (Classification of Marriage).

These points prepare the reader to arrive at the fallacies and hence analyze the two sides fairly and rationally.

While discussing the points in favor of arranged marriage, the writer does not seem to have taken a stand in favor yet he has provided evidence to show that arranged marriage is an outlet for the children to overcome their anxiety. It is to be noted that the range of argument is questionable and that the evidence that he has provided is not logical enough. Coming to the second argument, the writer does not express his opinion in favor of arranged marriage yet, he has dealt with the sensitive issue of protection of the rights of a woman. As a common practice, he has chosen testimony from ancient Indian and western cultures.

The evidence has not been given explicitly. In answer to the third argument, the writer has not taken a firm stand favoring arranged marriage yet, he believes that through arranged marriage the culture of a community is preserved and hence giving rise to future developments of culture and tradition in India. The writer has substantiated this from ancient Indian culture to the present.

Coming to the points against arranged marriages, the writer seems to have concluded that arranged marriages are insufficient to provide emotional security as the newlyweds are strangers to each other. This often gives rise to misunderstanding. There is also interference of the family members and unnecessary bickering in the name of religion. Money is swindled, the bride is harassed and in the name of dowry, she is often degraded.

It also promotes racism. These arguments are not properly evidenced. Small samples have been cited to substantiate the views. Suppressed evidence run through which doesn’t account for a practical solution to the above-mentioned drawback. The writer doesn’t look into facts or provide concrete data for reference.

From the above paragraphs, it can be rightly concluded that the arguments that go against arranged marriages are stronger than the arguments in favor.

From the evidence and arguments from both sides, views against arranged marriages are enlightening. The reasons are enumerated below:

Sharmin, in her article, Arranged Marriages: Then and Now has suggested that ‘qualities of a human being should be given its due importance over the popular attributes (family status, look, job, degrees)’ there is a formidable depth to understand the meaning of the phrase “know the person.” (Arranged Marriage: Then and Now 2006)

This reasoning asserts that the character of the person is more important than the superficial identity of the girl or boy. The girl and the boy must know each other’s differences and preferences so that there is mutual understanding in the years to come. Time has to be given to them. This evidence reiterates the need for emotional security, which is a crucial factor in the life of a woman because she has to spend the rest of her life with her in-laws being treated as an outsider rather than one among the family.

According to another opinion ‘In India the evil of dowry, caste and community issues and the concept of matching horoscopes sometimes taken to its extreme level, have contributed much to the arguments against arranged marriages” (Classification of Marriage). The evil practice of dowry has taken many innocent lives and the greed doesn’t end. Parents with girls are burdened. No doubt the rate of female infanticides is the highest. Matching horoscopes has turned fraudulent as the astrologers are bribed and very often it leads to the death of one partner! This is powerful evidence. Though the trend seems to have undergone slight changes, yet the custom prevails.

Parents’ interferences in family matters destroy the individuality of the couples. This is a striking point that has to be noted.

Analyses of the cases would enable us to arrive at this decision. It is a fact that in an arranged marriage the children are unknown to each other and hence they would find it extremely awkward to find themselves in an entirely new environment with a stranger after spending a good number of years with their parents. If the boy is an NRI, he would invariably leave the girl behind and keep in touch with her by phone giving no room for assessing her life partner. She is left back in yet another different environment with her in-laws, thereby providing the least emotional support. Her husband remains a total stranger for several years and the gap widens. Very often opinions clash and there is more room for misunderstandings.

It is always good that parents interfere while choosing their child’s partner because mature advice often saves mishaps.

Yet the danger it poses is alarming as there could be unnecessary interferences of the family members and over-protection resulting in feuds. Though the girl does get social security, family quarrels in the name of culture and tradition arise too soon that the family members engage in frivolous discussions that end up in serious consequences. The parents, in their aim to secure the best partner for their child often hamper the individual preferences of the young couple.

The typical Indian gives importance to the traditions and customs of the community. In the name of culture and custom, money is exchanged as dowry. A custom that began as a gift being given to the daughter at the time of marriage turned out to become a forceful demand for money to meet the requirements of the in-laws! The husband remains a mute puppet in the hands of his parents. The girl is often harassed in the name of giving birth to a male child to pass on to the coming generations. It is shameful to note that the daughter-in-law who has suffered at the hands of her mother-in-law becomes the accused in the next generation.

This is prominent even in educated and elite households where crores are spent on the bridegroom and it is called a ‘decent marriage’.

I believe that the arguments favoring arranged marriages have failed to provide practical solutions to the problems and the evidence does not stand the test of time, whereas the arguments against arranged marriages have evidence and public support. They have withstood the test of time. Proofs from every side seem to speak against arranged marriages.

Kakar, Sudhir. (2007). Match Fixing, India Today. Web.

Arranged Marriages , Indian Wedding: iloveindia. Web.

Love vs. Arranged , Indian Wedding: iloveindia. Web.

Arranged Marriages and Dowry, (1999-2006). Pardesi. Web.

Arranged marriage: Then and Now . (2006). Adhunika blog. Web.

Classification of Marriage , Indianetzone. Web.

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Pros and Cons of Arranged Marriage

Exploring the benefits and drawbacks.

Arranged marriage , a tradition in many cultures, is a complex and often controversial topic. Advocates argue that it strengthens family ties and ensures compatibility, while critics raise concerns about autonomy and consent. In this article, we will delve into the advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriage, shedding light on various aspects of this age-old practice.

We will explore how arranged marriages can lead to stable and lasting relationships, but also consider the potential drawbacks, such as lack of personal choice and the risk of coercion. By examining both perspectives, we aim to provide a comprehensive analysis of arranged marriage, enabling readers to understand the multifaceted nature of this practice.

While the concept of arranged marriage may seem outdated to some, it offers several advantages that are worth considering. Let's explore the positive aspects of arranged marriages and how they can impact the lives of individuals involved.

Missing a pro?

While arranged marriage has its proponents, it also presents several challenges and concerns that warrant careful consideration. Let's delve into the potential drawbacks and drawbacks associated with this traditional approach to marital unions.

Missing a con?

Arranged marriage is a complex institution with both advantages and disadvantages. While it can foster familial unity and stability, it also poses challenges related to autonomy and personal agency. Understanding the nuances of arranged marriage is crucial in appreciating its cultural significance and the impact it has on individuals. By acknowledging the diverse perspectives surrounding this practice, we can engage in informed and empathetic discussions about the role of arranged marriage in contemporary society.

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Arranged vs. Love-Based Marriages in the U.S.—How Different Are They?

Not as different as you might think..

Posted August 1, 2012 | Reviewed by Ekua Hagan

This month, my research assistant, Carlos Anguiano, heads off to Washington State University to begin a Ph.D. program. He’s been an important part of my lab for two years now, and it seems only fitting that I dedicate this month’s entry to him and the collaborative research project we’ve completed this past school year.

Using data collected by a former thesis student, we sought to determine whether the relationship experiences of people in arranged marriages differed significantly from those of people in love-based (free-choice) marriages.

This wasn’t an easy study to conduct. Arranged marriage — a form of marriage in which partners are selected by family members or professional matchmakers — is not the norm in our contemporary Western culture, and so it's fairly challenging to find people in the U.S. who have entered into that type of marital arrangement. And even in societies with a longstanding tradition of arranged marriage (for example, south and east Asia, the Middle East, and South America), prevalence rates have been on the decline for years, making it increasingly difficult for researchers interested in arranged marriages to find participants for their studies.

Nonetheless, one of my intrepid thesis students managed to find a sample of adults living in the U.S. who were in arranged marriages contracted by their family members or professional matchmakers. She also identified a comparison sample of adults in love-based, free-choice marriages in which they had personally chosen their spouses on the basis of love.

On average, these men and women were 35 years old and had been married for 10 years; all were of Indian descent and most were Hindu. Each marriage had been contracted and had taken place in the U.S.

Now, because we were interested in comparing the relationship outcomes and experiences of men and women in these two types of marriage, we asked each participant to complete four commonly used questionnaires: (1) the Passionate Love Scale created by Dr. Elaine Hatfield (University of Hawaii) and Dr. Susan Sprecher (Illinois State University), which assesses the essential features of passionate, romantic love ; (2) the Companionate Love Scale created by Dr. Sprecher and myself, which captures feelings of affectionate, friendship -based love; and (3) the Satisfaction and (4) the Commitment scales created by Dr. Caryl Rusbult , which assess people’s satisfaction with and commitment to their spouses and marriages.

Once we had collected the data, it was time for Carlos and me to analyze the results. First, we found that men and women in both types of marriage reported high levels of satisfaction, commitment, and passionate and companionate love. This result didn't really surprise us — surveys conducted in the U.S. consistently find high levels of satisfaction and well-being among most married individuals. That is, most married people are pretty happy with their marriages and their partners, most of the time — and our study participants were no different.

What did surprise us was the number of sex differences we found. Specifically, despite the uniformly positive experiences reported by our participants, the men in our sample reported significantly higher levels of passionate and companionate love for their spouses and commitment to their marriages than did the women.

This finding was unexpected; other researchers generally have not found the same pattern of results. We have no real explanation for this — all we know is that for whatever reason, our male participants loved more passionately and affectionately, and felt more committed to their marriages, than our female participants. (Keep in mind, though, that all participants scored fairly highly on those measures — it's just that men scored higher.)

Our final — and most important — finding also was unexpected. We found absolutely no difference between participants in arranged marriages and those in free-choice marriages on the four measures we included in our study. Regardless of the nature of their marriage — whether their spouse had been selected by family members/matchmakers or had been personally and freely chosen — the participants in our study were extremely (and equally) happy with their relationships.

The bottom line? Love, satisfaction, and commitment appear to be common outcomes in both arranged and free choice, love-based marriages, at least among Indian adults living in the U.S.

This study, like all research investigations, is not without limitations. It’s important to keep in mind, for example, that these marriages were contracted in the U.S. by men and women living in an urban, industrialized environment. The dynamics of marriage (arranged or otherwise) in other countries, in other environments, involving other people, might be very different.

In the U.S., the line between "arranged" and "free choice" is probably a blurry one. People entering arranged marriages here may have veto power or the ability to say "no" to a potential spouse who doesn't please them or for whom they feel no attraction or affection, and people entering free-choice marriages often are influenced by the wishes and feelings of their friends and family. Thus, there is an element of choice in arranged marriages contracted in the U.S., and an element of social influence in U.S.-made free choice marriages. We might expect to find greater differences in love, satisfaction, and commitment in cultural contexts that support a clearer division between the two types of marriage.

I hope that our findings (which were published this year in the journal Psychological Reports ) offer some insight into an important and little-studied type of marriage. I invite you to read more here .

And to Carlos — you’ll be missed. Good luck in graduate school and best wishes to you and your family as you enter this exciting new chapter in your life. You’ve made me very proud.

Pamela Regan, Ph.D. , is a professor of psychology at Cal State Los Angeles. She is the author of Close Relationships (Routledge).

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20 Advantages and Disadvantages of Arranged Marriage

An arranged marriage occurs when a couple embraces the legal bonds of matrimony because of the planning and agreement of their guardians or families. The bride and groom may have little say in the matter because their parents and extended relatives negotiate the relationship as if it were a business arrangement.

Although some people see this idea as a forced betrothal, many of the couples who come together in this way grew up together. They were childhood friends, or their families met often, and the relationship between the bride and groom could grow because there was more than blind emotion fueling the pairing.

It is imperative to remember that an arranged marriage is not a forced partnership. Different communities around the world force people together into a relationship they do not want for the betterment of the family or the culture. Couples who eventually get married through an arrangement usually meet each other and agree to a courtship facilitated by their family.

There are certainly some advantages to consider when a partner is chosen for you with an arranged marriage, but some disadvantages persist with this pairing even in the cultures that continue to practice it. These are the key points to review.

List of the Advantages of Arranged Marriage

1. You already know what the goal of the relationship is when you first start dating. There are many people who want the element of surprise in their romantic relationships, much like you can see on the silver screen. Having someone unexpectedly propose seems like it would be a magical moment. For those who have gone through an arranged marriage, there is an advantage to consider when skipping this perspective. When you have an idea that matrimony is the intent of the relationship, then everyone can be clear about their expectations from the start.

“Clear intentions are a fast track to intimate and deep conversation,” writes Huda Al-Marashi for Self, who has been in an arranged marriage for over 20 years, “and right away, we were able to talk openly about the issues that really matter in a relationship – compatibility, values, and goals.”

2. Sharing values and traditions means there is one less obstacle. When there is an arranged marriage, then there are fewer cultural differences to navigate as you progress toward being a long-term couple. If you meet someone independently, there could be religious, educational, and occupational barriers in the way. Something as simple as being Catholic vs. Protestant in the United States can create conflict in families based on where the ceremony will be held or how the children are raised.

“Not only were we raised with the same religion and traditions,” writes Al-Marashi, “but we both embraced them and wanted to carry them on… I have already lost so many of my family’s culture and traditions, and I appreciated having a spouse that can help me pass down as much of my heritage to my children as possible.

3. You can know what you want in a partner without the pain of past relationships. The Western dating scene means that you are under constant pressure to date numerous people to see what type of person you’d like to settle in with for a serious relationship. People constantly ask if that boyfriend or girlfriend is “the one.” It is not unusual for well-meaning friends to ask how someone can know that they’ll get married if they haven’t dated several others in the past. Men average six serious relationships, and women average five if they choose marriage independently.

“I do not doubt that the life experience gained from past relationships can teach us something about ourselves,” says Al-Marashi, “but that does not mean that there is less opportunity for self-discovery and growth from within a committed relationship.” She says that being with one partner doesn’t limit one’s path to self-knowledge – it’s just a different way to walk.

4. It eliminates the ambiguity of a relationship. Marriages in the West are often based on ambiguous feelings of which the average person is not under full control – especially at the beginning of a relationship. People will research reviews on restaurants, get advice about a vehicle, and solicit help when trying to pick a college or university, but fly by instinct when choosing the person with whom they might want to have children one day. An arranged marriage doesn’t rely on chemistry, sparks, or butterflies. Its foundation is pragmaticism.

5. There are many different kinds of love stories. It is not unusual for someone in an arranged marriage to wonder if they had been in love with their spouse before they tied the knot. There are so many different love stories that involve falling for a person at first sight. The reality of life is that everyone, in any culture, can choose to love and embrace their own story, even if their families help to write it. Some people might chase down their lover, but it may be far easier to have your closest allies help you locate the individual who might be right for you.

6. Your parents can offer supportive advice about the relationship. Our entertainment options today support the idea that having parents or guardians involved in the selection of a lifetime partner is a backwards idea that has outlived its usefulness. Matchmaking is not a process where someone needs to stand up to their culture in rebellion to marry the person they love. That is not the norm.

“Thankfully,” says Al-Marashi, “the most difficult thing about my mother’s role in choosing my partner was explaining it to my American friends.” Instead of looking for that perfect someone who shares all of your interests, an arranged marriage allows your family to discover that person who completes you.

7. Arranged marriages have less conflict in the home. Although this advantage of an arranged marriage is somewhat cultural, it is essential to point out that over half (55%) of the couples who enter into matrimony do so through this process. In the APAC region, some countries see rates of more than 90%. The global divorce rate from the relationships that form in this way is about five times lower than what it is in the West when individuals choose their life partner.

8. It creates a sense of unity when creating a home. Couples feel like they have someone who understands them at home in an arranged marriage because there is a sharing of culture and idealism at the foundation of their relationship. That means it doesn’t need to be an “us vs. them” world where each person must find their own path to walk while still trying to maintain their happiness with a partner. There is more unity at home because there is a lot more than an emotional reaction on the line if failure occurs. The families who bring their children together cannot afford to endure divisions that could last for several years.

Even if it can be uncomfortable at times, the advice from parents, grandparents, and siblings can create a more robust foundation for a couple during their first days of marriage. That means there is more stability available to them at home.

9. There is an effort at cooperation instead of meddling. Couples who find themselves independently often struggle with their family structures because someone disagrees with their selection of a partner. In-laws will offer advice that might be well-meaning in its intent, but it doesn’t take the entire relationship into account. There is a one-sidedness to the support where the person from “their” family receives the top priority.

In an arranged marriage, families work together more often. There is a shared sense of social responsibility and financial security. This work goes beyond the desire to maintain the family culture or embrace tradition. Instead of worrying about compatibility, a couple can work toward their best interests.

List of the Disadvantages of Arranged Marriage

1. Decisions are sometimes made using contradictions. A shared story on TheTalko recounts the tale of parents who were trying to partner their daughter with a man who worked in the United States. Although the initial contacts between the families went well, the relationship fell through because she didn’t wear glasses when video chatting with her potential husband’s family. By not wearing them during the initial contact, they felt like she was being deceptive because poor eyesight is seen as a weakness. If she were to wear contacts, then that would make her pretentious.

No one is perfect, yet there can be an expectation of perfection when partnering with someone in an arranged marriage. These relationships struggle to work because of that perspective.

2. There can be a lack of trust in the eventual relationship. This disadvantage occurs most often when the couple in question does not have time to meet with one another before the ceremony. Both individuals can enter into matrimony willingly so that it isn’t a forced marriage, but that doesn’t change the fact that there can be a lack of trust. Some people in this situation are forced into a place of intimacy with someone who is a complete stranger, yet they are also a spouse. That fact can make it a challenge to get the marriage started off on the right foot.

3. It gives men more of an opportunity to control the relationship. Many of the cultures that embrace the idea of an arranged marriage support the concept that the male is the leader of the household. This patriarchal viewpoint trickles down into every decision that the couple might make in the future. Women are given the role of providing children, making meals, and keeping the house clean according to the desires of their spouse. Because of this relationship structure, dependencies form where a woman cannot get away from an abusive partner because she is separated from any support systems.

Even her family might encourage staying in the marriage instead of leaving in an abusive situation because of the cultural implications a divorce would have on them.

4. This relationship eliminates the decision-making process for a courtship. Although an arranged marriage can help couples go beyond the get-to-know-you stage faster when establishing a courtship, this process is sometimes a step that creates an unwillingness. It may seem like there is a choice to participate, but the individual might be more fearful of the consequences they face if they choose to go their own way.

“I had to either be a good Afghan girl, who accepted whatever decision was made for me, or be a bad girl and leave,” Zarghuna Kargar told The Guardian. “Breaking an engagement was a big thing and I got scared. So, I decided, I’m a good Afghan girl, I’m going to do it the Afghan way, and we got married. The whole time it was a horrible feeling.”

5. It forces intimacy to be the cornerstone of relationship-building. When two people come together in an intimate moment, then it draws them closer because of the shared physical contact – when the experience is positive. If it is a forced, negative, or undesired moment, then it pushes people away from one another. Some cultures expect certain events to occur during this moment as well, such as bleeding to indicate that the bride is a virgin. If that expectation is not met, then the male distrusts the circumstances of their coupling, and can sometimes become abusive because of it.

6. The concept of love is set aside for the betterment of the family. Haritha Khandabattu had no desire to get married after she graduated from college. Her ambitions were to focus on her career, but the family had a different priority. It got to the point where her father would barely speak with her, so Khandabattu said that she relented. “I ended up marrying a man that I barely knew and didn’t love,” she told Humans of Amsterdam. “Honestly, I can’t remember my wedding day. From the start, we had no connection and it was very obvious that we both weren’t in love.

Khandabattu’s situation involved her in-laws wanting money. She was forced to give her salary to them. They even demanded that her father pay a dowry. After 18 months of trying, she just gave up, accepted a job in Amsterdam, and finalize the divorce against the wishes of her family.

7. It can be a relationship that involves children. Some cultures embrace the concept of an arranged marriage at an early age. This disadvantage can occur for kids as young as 12. Although this family structure may have been necessary in past human civilizations because of the shorter lifespans that people had, it is poverty and desperation that cause it today. Parents can talk their child into accepting a marriage because it helps their financial situation.

The United Nations defines any child marriage as one that is forced, but it is not always seen that way in the different cultures. If there is consent, even if it is manipulated by family circumstances, then this disadvantage applies. That is why you see numerous outreach efforts attempting to help relieve hunger and poverty around the world.

8. Women bear the responsibility of self-care from an early age. Men are seen as the moneymakers in many of the cultures where arranged marriages are a way of life. Women are seen as the caretakers. That means a daughter can become an expensive proposition, especially if a dowry becomes necessary to create a relationship. It is one of many reasons why some families skip the costs of education so that they can try to get paid through a family pairing. This money can then help the family pay for additional resources that can help them to survive.

This disadvantage means that the average woman is asked to carry the burden of self-responsibility from an early age. If she wants to learn how to read, then it may be up to her to determine how she can make that happen.

9. This action limits the personal choices that both parties can make. Arranged marriages often restrict the decisions that a couple has when choosing a partner. The only means to improve your living conditions is to discover a family who is amenable to let you “marry up.” Some families even use this arrangement as a way to curb the outside forces of “undesired” genetics, habits, or conventions from joining their family structure.

Imagine Christian parents creating a marriage to prevent their son from marrying someone who practices Islam. You could have Jewish parents arranging a partnership to stop a potential relationship with someone who is agnostic. Parents often pick companions because they worry that societal discrimination won’t sanction individualism.

10. It can take away courtship opportunities. Some relationships, such as the one that Al-Marashi describes, benefit from the arranged marriage process because there is time built into the schedule so that a meaningful courtship can occur. That opportunity does not present itself to every couple. Some brides and grooms know for years that their parents plan to match them with a specific individual. It forces each person to figure out how they can proceed with society’s desire to see them together.

There are specific learning experiences that the dating process can provide individuals even if some relationships end in heartache. You have fewer opportunities to form emotional connections, which can make it challenging to know if you have identified love. Instead of exploring at a pace that suits your needs, an arranged marriage forces you to form a specific partnership based on the desires of others.

11. This relationship can make spouses feel alienated in their own home. During the concluding stages of an arranged marriage, it is not unusual for everyone in the family to influence the relationship in specific ways for their personal needs. This disadvantage can feel like a hurricane because of an expectation for the couple to please everyone else. Some families may not even permit the bride or groom to have a say in what happens during the ceremony.

This disadvantage can apply to their honeymoon (if they get one), or even the first official days of the marriage. In this situation, the only job that each person has for the marriage is to show up to share their vows. It is a process that can make you feel like you’re going along on a ride that is out of control.

Verdict on the Advantages and Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages

There are many couples who are still writing their love story today because of an arranged marriage. When their families work together to create a matchmaking experience where the courtship process involves getting to know each other and laying ground rules for future expectations, then it can be a healthy experience for all parties. That’s one of the reasons why over half of all marital relationships come through this process.

Families can also use the arrangement process for their own financial wellbeing, sacrificing the needs of their children to create better living conditions for themselves.

That is why the advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages must receive careful consideration at the individual level. If someone feels forced into this relationship, then the negatives of such a pairing are more likely to come out one day. If both parties feel like there is a way to make things work on multiple levels, then their partnership can be a rewarding experience.

30 Interesting Pros & Cons Of Arranged Marriages

“ I don’t think I will go for an arranged marriage, but I am not against arranged marriages.”

Ranbir Kapoor, Actor

Advantages & Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages

Arranged marriages are marriages in which not the couple, but rather their parents or other family members decide that the marriage should take place.

Arranged marriages have been quite popular in the past and even in our current age, there are some countries in which the concept of arranged marriages is still practiced today.

There are several pros and cons of arranged marriages which we will examine in detail in this article.

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Advantages of arranged marriages, people may match better, higher level of experience of parents, assurance of social status, financial security, cultural similarities of partners, rational rather than emotional decision, family connections are strengthened, similar ethics, religious fits, similar values, people may live in a happy bubble, avoidance of lovesickness, no stress to find a partner.

Since family members or other professional matchmakers choose a partner for the bride, there might be a higher chance that those people match with each other since they might share similar views on the world and might have the same goals in life.

Therefore, if experienced family members search for a suitable partner, the chances that the fit between the marriage couple will be quite decent might increase.

Since parents have much more life experience than their kids, they might also be better able to decide which partner might fit for their girl or their boy and which would not.

Hence, it could make sense that parents get involved in the decision process regarding potential life partners since they often know their children quite well and often know what’s good for them (or at least they think they do 😉 )

Arranged marriages often also have the advantage that they can assure a high social status.

For instance, in many countries, parents try to find a partner for their son or their daughter which has a high social status so that their children can marry up and have a higher social status themselves, which often also translates into a higher overall quality of life.

There is also a financial aspect when it comes to marriages.

Many marriages, especially arranged marriages, are not done due to love, but due to the fact that one partner wants to improve his or her wealth level.

This was the norm rather than the exception only one century ago and until now, the financial component related to marriages is quite important.

Another benefit of arranged marriages is that partners often have quite similar backgrounds and cultural values.

Most often, parents choose partners for their kids that have similar cultural values so that they will also fit well into the family.

Similar values also make it more likely that the marriage works out since there might be fewer conflicts between the partners in the long run.

In general, arranged marriages always come from a rational standpoint and emotions do not play a role at all. This can be regarded as either positive or negative.

The positive thing about rational decisions regarding marriage is that all the different aspects people are getting into are seen from an objective standpoint and also all the dangers can be evaluated better.

Therefore, arranged marriages may also lead to better decisions and to a better overall quality of life for the respective partners compared to marriages that are based on love and emotions rather than on hard facts.

Another upside of arranged marriages is that the connection between different families can be strengthened quite a lot.

In many cultures, the connections between families are quite important in all areas of daily life and good connections to family members may also be beneficial when it comes to future career prospects.

Arranged marriages make it also more likely that people have the same ethics since they often come from similar cultural backgrounds and have been taught the same things when they were young.

Thus, due to those similar ethical perspectives, the chances for a marriage that works out in the long run might be higher.

Arranged marriages may make it also more likely that people fit on a religious level.

Since parents will actively search for partners with similar backgrounds, the religious fit can be assured and therefore, it might also be more likely that partners get along with each other since they might share the same attitude towards religion and life in general.

In general, partners that met each other due to arranged marriages are quite likely to share similar values since their parents make sure that the value of the partner will fit the family values in order to assure a peaceful and harmonic coexistence.

Even though people who had been forced into arranged marriages will never have the opportunity to actively date other partners, they may still live in a certain kind of bubble.

Since they never experienced the fun of dating, they will also not know what they are missing out on and therefore, those people might live in a kind of happy bubble and might even be happier than without this arranged marriage construct.

Another advantage of arranged marriages is that people can also avoid feeling lovesickness.

Many people around the world may get quite broken due to a breakup with a partner and may suffer from serious emotional pain.

Yet, through arranged marriages, this problem will be gone since there will not be the opportunity to search for a partner and therefore, the possibility for lovesickness is also eliminated.

Finding a suitable partner might also be quite a challenge for many people all over the world.

Our expectations are often quite high and we will therefore often experience disappointments during the dating process.

In contrast, with an arranged marriage, there is no stress to find and to vet a partner since your parents or other matchmakers will do the job for you.

Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages

Love is often not a factor, there may be no fit at all between partners, potential higher divorce rates, separation may be difficult, spouses may not trust each other, people may be quite unhappy, family problems, no room for personal choices, husband and wife may have no say, may promote gender inequality, people often don’t know what they are getting into, dating period may be missing in a couple’s life, emotional stress, lower life expectancy, confined level of freedom, child marriages, mental issues.

As we have seen before, arranged marriages can have some advantages.

Yet, there are several crucial problems related to forced marriages.

One downside of arranged marriages is that love will most often be not a factor at all.

Maybe partners may get along with each other, however, they will likely never have any kind of feeling for each other.

This can be considered as quite sad since many people marry since they have strong feelings for each other and really enjoy their time together and arranged marriages will not account for this important factor at all.

Even though there will likely not be love involved at all, people might still get along with each other.

Yet, in many arranged marriages, not even this will be the case.

Most often, this kind of bonding will turn out to be a real mess and partners will often have disputes.

After a certain while, some partners will often just resign and just fit into the wishes and demands of the other partner in order to avoid serious trouble.

Depending on the country and on the individual circumstances, arranged marriages might also lead to higher divorce rates.

Even if this is not the case, some partners may simply escape their marriage by traveling to foreign countries with hopes for a better life in order to get out of their misery.

Moreover, even if people stay in arranged marriages, many of them might not be happy at all.

It will often also be quite difficult to get out of an arranged marriage since families are often bonded quite tight together and if you want to leave a marriage, you will also have to cut all cords to all your family members.

This might be too painful for many partners and therefore, they often decide to stay in a marriage rather than to end it since they simply fear the consequences that would be applied by divorce.

In many cultures, divorce is also against religious beliefs and people who break up may have to fear from serious punishment.

Since they actually do not know each other before the marriage takes place, there might also be a significant lack of trust between partners in a marriage.

Hence, if partners do not trust each other, it might be quite difficult to maintain a working marriage since mistrust can destroy bonds between partners.

In general, people who are forced into arranged marriages may be much unhappier compared to people who were able to choose their partner by themselves since they might feel like all the freedom of choice had been taken away from them and they never had any influence on this important life decision.

Since partners are not able to choose whom they want to marry, arranged marriages often also lead to serious family problems.

Quite often, there is stress on a daily basis between partners, which may turn into serious disputes in the long run.

Yet, people might be too afraid to break up and to start a new life with a different partner and might still stay in their misery due to this high level of fear.

Personal choice regarding such important topics like marriage is considered to be a human right in many regions of our planet for an important reason.

However, in countries where arranged marriages are the norm, there is no room for personal choice and this important human right is often entirely taken away from people.

In fact, in arranged marriages, partners often have no say at all when it comes to choosing their future wife or husband. Instead, they often have to solely rely on matchmakers or on family members to make this important choice for them.

Even if they are not attracted to their future partner at all, people might simply have no choice other than to agree to the marriage in order to avoid serious trouble with their family members.

Another downside of arranged marriages is that they might also significantly contribute to gender inequality.

Women often have much fewer rights compared to men in those arranged marriages and therefore, they might literally get trapped in those arranged pair-bonding situations.

This may also lead to a state where women will not be allowed to get any sort of education and their lives may turn out into a mess due to that since they will always be dependent on their husbands, which is never a good idea since it leads to an imbalance of power in a relationship.

Even though many people think that complying with the rules of getting into an arranged marriage is the right thing to do since they are told to do so by their family and friends, those marriages tend to turn out into nightmares and people may realize too late what they have gotten into.

Therefore, people may also not be aware of the true consequences of those arranged marriages, which may lead to serious issues later on in their lives.

Many of us also really enjoy dating many different people until we find the partner that best fits our preferences.

However, it is only possible to decide who fits for us if we get experienced in dating.

Hence, if this experience is missing, plenty of fun is taken out of all of it and also, the chances for a misfit will become much higher.

Marrying and spending your life with the wrong partner may also imply plenty of emotional stress .

I could not even imagine living with a partner I don’t like too much and spending my entire life with such a person would make me feel quite sad.

This might also turn into plenty of emotional stress and other issues in the long run.

People in forced marriages might also suffer from a significantly lower life expectancy.

It has been proven by many studies that people who enjoy living with a partner will have significantly higher life expectancy than people who are miserable with their partners or who have no partner at all.

Therefore, arranged marriages may also do people no favor in terms of overall life expectancy.

Freedom is a valuable human right and the confinement of freedom through arranged marriages that should be considered to be quite problematic.

In fact, in my opinion, everything that takes away our freedom should be considered to be intolerable and only in a few rare cases, this confinement in freedom can be justified.

Therefore, since forced marriages take away the freedom of people, they should never be the norm.

Another issue with arranged marriages is that child marriages become much more likely.

Children get often married at a quite young age and will have no chance at all to escape this construct.

In turn, being a child for a certain period of time is simply taken away from those children, which may result in plenty of emotional problems in the long run.

There will also be plenty of mental issues related to arranged marriages.

Even though it can not be measured by studies since many people in forced marriages are simply too afraid to report their mental conditions and their misery to the outside world, it is estimated a high fraction of people in arranged marriages suffer from significant depression and other mental problems since they are often simply not able to deal with the fact that they basically have to waste their life solely to comply with the wishes of their families.

Top 10 Arranged Marriage Pros & Cons – Summary List

Do arranged marriages make sense.

Even though arranged marriages might have made sense centuries ago in order to secure the survival of a family, forced marriages should be considered to be a rather outdated social construct and in most cases, those arranged marriages do more harm than good in our current state of the world.

Therefore, it would be great if families all over the world abandon this social norm and let their children decide whom they want to marry in order to increase the overall level of happiness.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage

https://www.brides.com/story/modern-arranged-marriages

https://globalnews.ca/news/4320972/arranged-marriage/

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Arranged Marriage, Pros And Cons (Essay Sample) 2023

Arranged marriage, pros and cons.

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Arranged marriage refers to a marital union between a man and a woman, whereby families and relatives identify and select spouses for their children with or without their input or choice. These marriages have long been a practice of numerous cultures, particularly before the 18th century. However, some communities do practice them to date. Some people consider such marriages as old-fashioned despite research finding that document their divorce rates at two percent as compared to love marriages that attract a rate of fifty percent in some countries. Thus, these unions bring great things, but they also attract negative aspects.

Arranged marriages eliminate the stress associated with dating. The pressure people undergo when finding potential spouses to settle down with is often overwhelming, discouraging, stressful and mostly result in heartaches. It is because one has to meet several people, some of whom are uninterested in marriage, some do not fit with one’s marital requirements, and others who are a potential match are uninterested in matrimony. However, an arranged marriage eliminates all these scenarios, as one is sure the people they meet want marriage, and they do not have to worry about conflicting personalities as marriage presents a perfect opportunity to adjust.

Parents and family find the right spouse for their children and secure their future in arranged marriages. Every parent endeavors to give the best to their children while hoping they live happy lives as possible. Arranged marriages present families the opportunity to ensure this by taking upon themselves to find the right husband or wife. Due to the immense wisdom and experience parents have about marriage, they precisely choose a son or daughter in law from a respectable family, who share a similar religion, are equally educated, well settled in life and wealthy. The selected spouse thus results in a perfect match that outcome in a happy marriage and a secured life.

These unions assure family harmony. Whenever an individual takes a potential spouse to their family, there is the possibility of them not approving or liking them or having a good relationship with their families. Arranged marriage eliminates this as both families knowingly fix their children to the family of their choice. Also, before agreeing, parents conduct extensive research on the other family before approval. Hence, eliminating reasons to hate or argue with them. Consequently, good relationships and connections that are long-lasting result.

Contrary, this type of marriage robs off individuals of their right to choose. When a family and relatives decide their child’s spouse, it makes it impossible for the child to raise concerns, fears, and objections, even when they dislike or are incompatible with the potential spouse. It, therefore, makes such individuals powerless and hopeless. Hence, practically push them into forced arrangements that rouse unhappiness, depression, and misery.

People wedded through arranged marriages lack ownership of the nuptials. These people rarely feel in control of the institution as everything about it, including, whom to marry, when to wed and the type of wedding to have are a choice and plan of their families. Additionally, even after marriage, families control and weigh in on their actions and plans. Thus, the married couple misses opportune moments for them to bond, own the process and the resulting marriage. Moreover, it instills lack of decisiveness and direction for the institution.

In conclusion, arranged marriages avail numerous benefits that pave the way for long-lasting successful marriages for many couples. However, it is worth noting that lack of freedom and control of the choice of a spouse one ends up married to, increasingly results in these marriages failing.

• Arts & Humanities

Arranged Marriage: Pros and Cons

• Arts & Humanities

Format: APA

Academic level: College

Paper type: Movie Review

Downloads: 0

Arranged marriage is basically a marital union where a bride and a groom are selected by individuals other than the couple themselves. Particularly, the parents bear the responsibility of making decisions on their children’s marriage (Pande, 2015). In this respect, arranged marriage serves as a negotiation between parents. This practice has remained common in some world regions such as south Asia, Africa and some parts of the Middle East. Although modernization took away a great deal of arranged marriages, the practice still stubbornly lingers to date. As such, the movie “arranged” brings out the debilitating facets of such marital arrangements, with emphasis on allowing women to make choices on their future. 

In the movie “Arranged", the theme of arranged marriage takes preeminence in various scenes. The plot incorporates Nasira, a Syria-born Muslim, and Rochel, a mainstream Jew. The two women epitomize the sensitive issue of arranged marriage and highlight the significance of feminism in postmodern society. In the movie, Rochel acts as a para-instructor, who is helping a legitimately blind learner named Eddie who happens to be Nasira's classmate. It is after one of the classes that the two women meet and form a strong bond of friendship, through which they elicit the issues afflicting them as modern women. Although from two different religious backgrounds, they share the problem of having their families marry them. They hopelessly fall into this tradition, without any hint of redemption. This aspect highlights the importance of feminism, as it encourages such women to stand up for their rights and overcome conformity with oppressive cultural and religious norms. 

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The movie skilfully depicts Rochel and Nasira as basically defined by their faith and cultural backgrounds. Although capable of rising to self-determination, the two women opt for conformity, holding that despite their doubts, submission to tradition is inexorable. Rochel goes through tedious sessions with a matchmaker who evaluates the suitors seeking her hand in marriage. Her acceptance on how to choose a husband underlines her staunch belief in the religion and culture, insisting that it always knows best. She chooses to relegate herself to a submissive role, viewing it as the only path to happiness. In this respect, patriarchy prevails in a culture that defies the concepts of modernity and the sanctity of women rights. From a historical perspective, arranged marriages lack the aspect of gender equality, with women ending up being mistreated. All the same, Rochel and Nasira seem oblivious of this fact as they willing embrace it. 

Although arranged marriages seemed as the only way to a marriage to the two women, the test of time proves otherwise. In fact, some of the societies that clinged to some oppressive traditions embraced feminism to keep the woman safe and let her voice to be heard (Pande, 2015). The avoidance of gender bias has led to female member joining even politics and making major development decision. Through the movie, it becomes clear that the practice of arranged marriages and cultural traditions affect the woman’s contribution to the community. However, the ignorance on Rochel’s part manifests as she asks, “Is the modern way any better?” it appears that culture is so embedded in her being to the extent of blinding her on matters directly touching on being a female member of the society. Therefore, it is imperative for women to rise above cultural and religious limitations towards realizing their full potential in different spheres of life and not only in marriage. 

Pros and Cons of Cultural Relativism 

Cultural relativism refers to the beliefs, values and practices that should be done based on the person’s culture. As seen in the movie, Nasira and Rochel completely conform to their cultures and stubbornly refuse to have a change of heart. This has brought about preservation of cultures as shifts in traditions seldom occur in such settings (Billet, 2016). Furthermore, appreciating cultural variations, as both Nasira and Rochel appreciate each other’s tradition, facilitates mutual respect among cultures thus eliminating isolation and discrimination. Additionally, cultural relativism facilitates decision making since it eliminates arguments among people from different cultures, allowing them to make judgments according to their culture. 

On the other hand, cultural relativism presents significant drawbacks to equality in all aspects. It also brings inexcusable action such as violence, domestic abuse, and crime against women and children. Similarly, it also affects moral stability due to variations in what is considered good (Billet, 2016). In the movie, Rochel goes to a party and meets a young man who asks to dance with her. Shockingly, Rochel flees, horrified by such a request which her culture disapproves. 

Reflection 

In light of the cultural facets presented in the movie, it is clear that in some societies, culture attaches importance only to men. Brought up in a patriarchal society, Rochel states that her father’s opinion took preeminence with regard to her marriage. Cultural and religious norms adamantly deny the much needed breathing space for women who strongly conform to their dictates. However, feminism came to bridge the gender gap, often perpetuated by culture, and afforded strength to women. In fact, feminism has played a great role in changing traditions and cultural beliefs that oppress women. However, confusion exists where feminism is misunderstood to mean female superiority. In reality, feminism serves as a call to women, urging them to fight for gender equality. Over the years, more and more people have continued subscribing to having a society with gender equality. As a result, the fight for gender equality incorporates both men and women in different global spheres. Therefore, it is up to women to come down hard and never equivocate on matters relating to gender equality. 

References 

Billet, B. (2016). Cultural Relativism in the Face of the West: The Plight of Women and Female Children . Springer. 

Crespo, D. & Schaefer, C. D. (2006). Arranged. Retrieved May1, 2018 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X4R_de1pNZI 

Pande, R. (2015). ‘I Arranged My Own Marriage': Arranged Marriages and Post-Colonial Feminism. Gender, Place & Culture , 22(2), 172-187. 

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